Keeping Our Sanity

Clare is 4!

2012-02-08T15:37:00.001-06:00

I know I'm a bit late but I wasn't going to let the fact that Clare turned four last week pass. FOUR!!! And for a little girl, that is a huge deal. So big in fact that on her birthday she informed me that she was now too old to use her booster seat and would also no longer need assistance getting onto the toilet seat. I didn't realize turning four also met a huge leap in stature but you know...mom's can be clueless about that stuff. Since her birthday was on a Tuesday we were going to wait until Saturday to have a party which I loved because it was just our little family surrounding her with love on that special day. As the birthday girl she got to pick the menu for breakfast, dinner and a special treat after that. That meant plain pancakes in the morning and macaroni and cheese (or as we call it "cheesy noodles") for dinner and for dessert, vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and sprinkles. Sage had picked out a present for her containing several craft projects for Clare to work on so she got to open that present in the morning. She was so thrilled about with it and had all the crafts finished by the time Sage got home from school. It was so cute how she showed Sage all she had done and to see Sage so happy that Clare really enjoyed her gift. She had to wait until after dinner to get her gifts from us and the first one she opened was one Brent had found for her and something we thought for sure she was going to be so excited for. She had been asking for a kite since last fall so he found this really sweet butterfly kite for her. She looked at for all of two seconds with barely an expression before moving on to the next gift. Turned out that this was the same amount of excitement she gave to all her guest's gifts at her party but the good news was that once everyone was gone she was pouring over every gift, showing us how coolthey were and saying things like "isn't that a great gift?" The other gift we gave her was her own Leapster. She and Sage have always been okay with sharing Sage's leapster but we figured she would enjoy her own and it would help on road trips if they both had one. It's been a pretty big deal for her to have her own leapster and I guess it's been a reminder to me to make sure Clare has opportunities to have her own identity rather than running around in Sage's shadow all the time. She's so good about always getting the hand-me-downs from Sage and, at least at this age, to her those things are brand new and just for her which is such a blessing that she has that sweet attitude, but I don't want to take it for granted either.
Anyway, Saturday was the party. Up until the week of her party she was changing her mind on what the theme would be. First she wanted a Tangled party, then a Hello Kitty party, then just a cat theme, then back to Hello Kitty, then Dora...etc. Finally I said, "Clare, how about not having a theme and instead we'll just have a really fun party with lots of games and a yummy cake?" She was all for that and told us that she wanted a white cake with strawberries in the middle and the only game she insisted on was limbo. Oh, and she wanted the butterfly pinata we had seen at Target. Done. So we invited her nearest cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents over on a beautiful Saturday morning for what we hoped would be a super fun day. We started out with a limbo contest that Clare ended up winning (she's a smart one, that kid!) then moved onto the pinata and finally a fishing game in which the kids had a fishing pole with a big hook that they sent over a sheet where Brent and I would send back either a great catch (toys and candy) or a not so good one (stinky socks, boots, etc.). After lunch was eaten, the candles on the cake blown and all the pretty presents had been torn open, we sat around and visited while the kids played. The park next to us was having a winter fun weekend in which there was cross-country skiing, skating and of course, sledding down the big dike across the street. We watched a competition they had from our front window of homemade box sleds--some very impressively decorated I might add--racing down the hill. Then we all put on our winter gear and took to the hill ourselves--even the grandparents! Other than Clare and her cousin Kason both suffering from being run over by out of control sledders (both recovered fine I'm pleased to say) it was a really fun time. I don't think I will ever forget the sight of Grandma Jane, Grandpa Buck, Papa and Nana all having their turns sledding down the hill. To be honest, that made me more nervous than watching my own kids go down! If you head over to my sister-in-law Ester's blog at lifeisbeautiful-esse.blogspot.com, you can see more pictures and some videos too.
So now my youngest is four and reminds me that she is older everyday--not just in words but in personality too. She is such a fun kid to get to be a mom to and makes each day interesting and with laughter sprinkled throughout. Her name, Clare Ilisa, means "clear" and "illuminating" and she has remained true to those words. Thoughts, words and actions are done with purpose and intention and though she is little, her big personality lights up the darkest days. We are so proud of our Clare Bear and very thankful that God chose us to be her parents.

A Fun Craft

2012-01-07T16:12:00.001-06:00

Recently we read a book to the girls called "My Dog Is As Smelly As Dirty Socks" by Hanoch Piven. It's about a girl who is given an assignment from her teacher to draw a picture of her family. What she turned in pleased the teacher but the girl was not quite satisfied with it as she felt her stick figures did not capture the personalities of her family members. So, using found objects to specifically show her family she makes new portraits that tell us so much more. Inspired by this, the girls put together their own portraits today with some help from me on how these objects define their personality and I wanted to document what they came up with.

Sage is...

as silly as ducks...

as bright as a light bulb...

as happy as cotton balls...

as thorough as a comb...

as lovely as flowers...

and as artsy as beads.

Clare is...

filled with a big heart...

as curious as a butterfly...

as lovely as a flower...

as fun as beads...

as helpful as a bow...

and as bright as a jewel.

And both carry strings that are tied to my heart.

My Gift

2011-12-29T13:13:00.001-06:00

Brent was sitting with the girls one night last week, discussing all the fun things they will be doing in Morris once we move there. Brent told Clare that she would get to go to school and do lots of fun things there while Mom will be all alone at home. After thinking that over a bit, Clare's sweet little bottom lip started shaking as she asked "But what if Mom gets lonely? Who will she play with?" Brent called me into the room at that point and told me what had just been talked about while Clare sat there with big tears going down her cheeks. I scooped her up in my arms and had to work through my own tears while trying to reassure her that I'll be fine while she's away. The little peanut hugged me with her whole body and cried and cried, refusing for quite a while to be put down. It's funny how when we are apart from our kids we spend so much time wondering how they are doing and if they're okay. I guess I never considered that they may have the same thoughts about us. While I certainly don't want to her to worry so much about me, it was still such a touching moment to see this little girl, just shy of four years old, have such a moment of empathy for someone else. Have you ever seen someone receive an unexpected gift--like a loved one making a surprise appearance after being deployed for a long time--and standing there as a witness you are overwhelmed with emotion in that moment and so happy for the person who received that wonderful gift. That's what it was like for me while I held Clare and cried along with her. To have that gift of empathy and thoughtfulness is something that will be a blessing to so many people in her life and also to her as well. As a Mom we are constantly serving and giving which is what we were made to do and don't think twice about...well, most of the time. :) That moment with her was so unexpected and sweet that a thousand "thank you's" would have never come close to what she did for my heart that night.

Has Anyone Seen the Snow Lately?

2011-12-19T15:52:00.001-06:00

I'm just as puzzled as the rest of us up here in the supposed tundra at where the snow is. I don't think I can ever remember a December, let alone Christmas, without snow in Minnesota. (I know I'm actually living in ND right now but I'm sort of in denial about it) Well, you certainly won't hear me complaining about this strange weather--it makes for easy conversations with people I don't know.
As usual this season breeds much activity and I'm trying to just enjoy it all but it does leave me with little energy to document what all we've been up to.

Quick highlights: Thanksgiving was a really nice time with Brent's family and none of the pictures I took really do any justice to the fun day it was...sorry. The next weekend we went to a Christmas party hosted by the hospital Brent will be working for once we make our permanent move to Morris this summer. It was a really great night which was a bit surprising for the both of us since we went to it not really knowing anyone. But everyone was so welcoming and fun to talk with that both Brent and I left even more excited for our future there. We got back in time for my Mom and I to walk around homes in Grand Forks that were open to tour and see the Christmas decorations set by professionals. Some people like to see art displayed in art galleries, Mom and I like to study the beauty in different styles of architecture and home decor...or maybe some people would say we just like to snoop in other people's homes. :) More Christmas parties, then down to Fargo last Sunday to drop off Brent at the airport to go to Texas for a week long workshop. After we said goodbye, I took the girls to the church Brent and I went to when we were first married. The girls were uncharacteristically excited to go to children's church (which they had a blast at) while I enjoyed an amazing sermon that literally brought me to tears. After grabbing lunch and dropping Clare off at Grandpa Buck's for a nap, Sage and I went to the play "Little Women" in which Grandma Jane was playing Aunt March (and in my opinion the best part of the play). I will always have an image of Sage getting such a kick out of her Grandma coming on stage in big hoop skirts and silly hats and acting so differently from how she knows her.
We survived a week without Brent and are now happily reunited. Somehow in the midst of all this we've managed to do all our Christmas decorating and we seem to be only one or two gifts shy of being done with the shopping. Let me make this clear, I have not described all this activity with any intention of boasting but instead as reminder to ourselves of what it was we were actually doing when down the road we're trying to remember why it was that December seemed so crazy and flew by so fast! Most importantly I want to remember that this has been a really fun month and so worth the chaos and many days of feeling worn to the bone!

I'll end with some pictures of the gingerbread house the girls and I decorated with Brent overseeing via Skype while he was in Texas. This is actually the second gingerbread house we decorated. The first one I bought on clearance and was such a disaster in trying to put it together that in a moment of fiery frustration I threw it away and told my startled girls I'd go buy them a new one...not one of my finest moments for sure! The other pictures are of Clare in her Christmas program at church. She seemed to like singing but participation in song actions were minimal. :) Sage sat with us and cheered her on (very loudly). Clare has gone back and forth telling us she was either scared or not scared at all. I'm not convinced that either of our girls will have the performance bug I had as a child but I guess time will tell.

After the disaster of the first gingerbread house, I was just as ecstatic as they were!

Even the enthusiasm of the boy next to her wasn't enough to motivate Clare into doing the actions. That's my girl, just say "no" to peer pressure!

My heart overflows...

2011-11-23T13:30:00.001-06:00

I came across a show last night on the history channel about how Thanksgiving came to be. Of course much of it was about the pilgrims in Plymouth who I've always been fascinated with--so much so that I talked my mom into going there this last summer for a week. Fabulous trip that I'd do again in a heartbeat but I'm getting off the subject...right, Thanksgiving. While I'm watching this show a historian starts explaining that the tradition of this holiday actually predates the pilgrims and goes all the way back to a day celebrated by Europeans every year in the fall in which families would go to church for the whole day and spend it there thanking God for all His blessings that year. They actually fasted the whole day since it was spent in church. I found it interesting (and a bit humorous) how this holiday has evolved. Now instead of a united day of abstaining from food so we can focus on expressing our heart's gratitude, we come together as a nation in stuffing our mouths with more food than any other day of the year while Grandma forces everyone at the table to say at least one thing we're grateful for!
Regardless of how this day is celebrated, it's always good to remember what it is we're thankful for and hopefully we all work at counting our blessings more days than not. And there is an endless list in my heart of all that I'm grateful for. Family, love, good friends, health, a warm home...as the list goes on a person can't help but knowing who it is they are saying "thank you" to. There's an old song that you've probably heard that goes "Praise God from whom all blessings flow..." and that's what I hope and pray His ears hear tomorrow. Pure and simple praises of thanksgiving.

And Now She's Six

2011-11-14T13:23:00.001-06:00

I'm not sure how this happened so fast but Sage, who came into this world a teeny, tiny 5 1/2 lb baby girl, is now a tall, blond haired six year old. Excuse while I run to get the tissue box...
Birthday's are so exciting for children and I guess I never thought of how fun they were going to be for us, the parents, to throw. We'd been contemplating what kind of party to have for months and many ideas were tossed around but the one that stuck was an art party. We would have a time for painting in which every kid would get a small canvas to paint on. Her cake was also meant to inspire creativity in each of the guests by giving them all mini frosted cakes and tons of candy to decorate them with. The rest of the time would be for playing and just hanging out. The best part of this party was that since we've moved closer to home, she would get to have seven cousins, five aunts and uncles and five grandparents in attendance. Yes, it was loud and at times a bit overwhelming but we've been looking forward to getting to have these moments with family for quite awhile now and are savoring it so completely! We had Sage's party on the 12th which was actually my oldest brother's birthday which Ehren so graciously shared with us. We made his favorite tater tot hotdish for him among the plethora of other food that was served and if you've ever had it, you know it's a basic meat, cream of mushroom and vegetable mixture with tater tots on top. Brent and I have never actually made it but it was quite simple to do except that we were also making a similar vegetable dish, everybody's favorite green bean casserole, that has french onions on the top. When Brent went to pull the green bean dish out to put the onions on, he realized that he had put the tater tots on the wrong dish. We had a good laugh over this and Brent just cleverly scraped the tots off the green beans and put the over the meat mixture and the dish was saved. You really couldn't tell the difference because, let's face it, it's only meat and a few different canned vegetables that make them different.
Sage loved her party and the gifts were all just so perfect for her. She hates being the center of attention so having to open gifts in front of everyone and even hearing everybody sing "happy birthday" to her is probably her least favorite parts of her birthday parties. But every gift given was so thoughtful and just right for her that she has not been seen without either wearing a gift or playing with a gift since. Yes, Grandma Jane, even the soccer girls have seen a lot of play time :)
Surprisingly, turning six was a little hard for Sage. She kept telling us that she wanted to stay five because five was her favorite even after we tried to convince that being six was just as great. I'm not really sure why the fixture to five but I'm sure she'll be able to accept this new numeral as time passes. Can you imagine what turning 40 is going to do to her?
I can't say enough how proud we are of this little girl. She's a funny, smart, thoughtful, beautiful, sensitive and caring girl and one of the two greatest gifts that God has given to Brent and myself.

You would think he's giving a special performance from the looks of this picture but don't believe it, he has no idea what he's doing! This was a guitar that Grandma Bev gave Sage. She's notorious for giving random gifts and this was certainly one of them. Sage has been adamant about not taking guitar lessons and yet we hear her strumming away whenever we're out of the room.

Grandma Jane, Grandma Bev and...who is that? Oh yes, that's Nana using Clare to block the camera. It's a sad fact that 75% of pictures taken of Nana have only shown bits and pieces of her body and rarely ever do you see her beautiful face.

Cake decorating time. More candy and frosting were eaten than actual cake. Oh well, they seemed to enjoy it at least.

Almost all of my favorite kids in the whole world. We're only missing cousins Sarah and Adam who live out in NY.

Sage loves her sleep and this big day called for a little nap while the kids were watching a movie. She wasn't the only exhausted one, Brent and I were in bed a little after 8pm that night!

As typical of me, I got so caught up in the actual painting time at the party that I completely forgot to take any pictures. So last night I took this with the girls hold their pieces of art. Oh, they are so proud!

Ramblings

2011-11-09T19:54:00.000-06:00

Every time I go to pick up Sage I always get a chuckle at the scene just before the bell rings. Dozens of parents stand in a semi-circle around the schools entrances, staring at the door in quiet patience for their kids to emerge. I always wonder if anyone else ever thinks to themselves how ridiculous we must look. Very few chat with each other and impressively, in my opinion, very few use those minutes to chat on their phone or text someone. We're all just waiting for that first glimpse of our child's face. I'm curious as to how this scene will change now that the temperature is steadily dropping!
Poor little Clare has had an awful case of croup this week. Her breathing was so raspy that even Brent got pretty worried and it takes a lot for him to get to that point. She stays so sweet through it though, telling us in her cracked, whispered voice that she thinks she's feeling better. I don't know where she got that sweet attitude from because neither Brent or myself are pleasant people when we're sick. Today was definitely a better day and to add to it, it started snowing for the first time this season while she was sleeping. Looking out the window was like watching a snow globe settle after a vigorous shaking. When I picked up Clare from her nap, I told her I had a surprise for her and brought to the window, watching her face the whole time. She just got a sleepy smile and quietly said "It's snowing! That means it's almost winter. That means it is going to get colder." Goodness, she has no idea how right she is!
We're getting ready for Sage's sixth birthday this Friday and party on the next day. I'm emotional about her birthday as usual but looking forward to getting to celebrate it with almost all of her cousins. Pictures and details are soon to come!

Lovely Leaves

2011-10-26T14:13:00.000-05:00

They have this wonderful system of leaf collecting here in Grand Forks. Twice in the month of October, city workers come with a massive vacuum hose attached to a dump truck and suck up the leaf piles you have made for them on your berm. Can I just say that up until this year I never knew there was such a word, berm, for that little patch of grass between the sidewalk and street. Uffda, I'm such a country girl! Anyway, I have a weird obsession with raking leaves and refuse to use anything with a motor when I collect them. Just a rake, gloves and the much appreciated muscles God gave me. I even made Brent promise not to steal my thunder and take this job from me. So, imagine the giddy world I've been in lately with last night's final rake making it a total of five hours spent raking this fall! The first rake was just for fun so that I could make a huge pile for the girls to play in. We even situated their plastic slide so they could land right in the middle of all the deliciously crunchy leaves. They took turns hiding a treasure in the leaves while the other had to find it and of course, the pile was heaped up over and over only to be crushed again as flying little bodies found a cushion for their landings.
I knew the magic leaf truck would be making its final pass in the next day or two so last night I worked for an hour to pile the trees most recent purges. I like to make mounds throughout the yard and then use a giant bag for loading the mound and pulling it to the growing wall of leaves on our berm. The girls were busy coloring and playing inside but after awhile they were curious as to what I was up to. I had two piles left to load and drag and Sage and Clare were eager to help. They scooped up armfuls of leaves and packed them down so enthusiastically that half of what they put in flew out again. Once the bag was full I asked to see their muscles to determine if they were strong enough to pull the bag themselves. They passed the inspection and grabbed hold of a handle as I grabbed hold of Clare's hand and pulled her as she sometimes tends to veer off course. :) Their whole bodies leaned forward to pull that big bag all the way to to its final destination and there the girls worked together to dump its contents, giggling as the leaves dribbled around them. We continued this process until we reached the last mound. The girls faces dropped as I explained that we would not be playing in the leaves anymore this fall since the magic vacuum truck would be taking them all away and just as I was about to start scooping up those last leaves I stopped and said, "You know, I think this pile really wants some kids to jump into it first before we take it away." Well, you can imagine what happened next and I will have the memory of their delighted faces and giant belly flops for always.
This morning Clare and I had just gotten back from dropping Sage off at school when I heard a rumbling in the front yard. We ran to the window, threw the curtain back and gasped when we saw...the magic vacuum truck. In less than a minute it sucked up all my hard work, not leaving a trace behind, then moved on to the next house. It's a reminder that this season is quickly ending and soon snow piles will be keeping the girls entertained while I am once again giddy doing my other weird obsession...SNOW SHOVELING!

Courtesies

2011-10-15T22:10:00.001-05:00

This week I went to a mom's group that our church holds once a month. They have volunteers who watch our kids (God bless them!) while about a dozen of us listen to the speaker, usually one of the pastor's wives, for about 40 minutes and then we break into groups of 3 or four to have a casual discussion while to we try to apply the message to our own lives. I've tried the other mom's group out there and while I certainly had fun, I find for myself that this smaller (and quieter) group of women who enjoy digging into God's word to guide them as mothers and wives all the while remaining light enough to enjoy some good laughter together, recharges me so much more.
Anyway, the real topic of this post is the handout that was given at our last meeting. Being the first meeting of this year, it was a sort of the expectations of our conduct being laid out. All week I've been rereading this and not because I'm nervous about breaking one of the rules but because what it says is so simple and yet so very profound in how we treat our relationships today. I hope Andrea doesn't mind but I just had to document it somehow for my girls. Sage and Clare, someday when you read this I hope (really hope) that you can truthfully say that I held up these "courtesies" in my relationship with you, your Dad and everyone else, and that this will always be the desire of your heart to treat others in this a way--even when such honor is not returned. I know that I will fail at this more than once and when I do, I pray God or you will show me the fault I hold and I promise I will say I'm sorry and ask for your forgiveness. What teaches people the most is our own actions towards them and when the actions do not coincide with the words of our mouth, lessons will go unheard and never applied. I can never make you choose to live any certain way but for better or worse, I know my actions will remain an example to you for the rest of your life. With that thought, I know I need to pray A LOT!

With some editing (italics being mine), I give you--

Mom Time Courtesies

At the heart of any courtesy is putting the interest of others above your own, or "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you." -Mathew 7:12

1. Be as consistent as you can. We know that things come up and when they do, just let others

know your change of plans. Work at making your yes' be yes and your no's be no.

2. Be as prompt as possible. Girls, I will work at breaking a generational habit of being late by

showing up when you expect me and getting your where you need to be when you need to be,

remembering what it feels like to walk late into a quiet room full of people. As you get older,

more responsibility will fall on you to get yourself ready, but right now at your age, it is

only my fault if you are late for something.

3. Be trustworthy. Please treat information shared in discussion and prayer requests as

confidential unless a person gives you permission.

"Honor one another above yourselves" Romans 12:10

4. Listen. Often in discussion people only want to be heard. Be a good listener and only give

advice if asked. Be encouraging.

a. "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, [and] slow to

speak..." James 1:19a

b. "He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame." Provers 18:13

c. "In humility consider others more important than yourselves" Phillipians 2:3

d. "...stop passing judgment on one another." Romans 14:13

e. "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the

Head, that is, Christ." Ephesians 4:15

5. Be real. Be willing to be open with your life. Openness requires transparency and

authenticity. Remember, God is not looking for perfect wives or mama's; He is looking for

those who know they are not perfect.

6. Work for Unity. Unity is a priority and a goal.

a. "Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's

faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind

yourselves together with peace. We are all one body, we have the same Spirit, and we

have all been called to the same glorious future." Ephesians 4:2-4

7. Don't Slander. Although we encourage all to honestly share challenges and struggles during

discussion and prayer times. Please do so in a way that protects the reputation of your

husbands and children. This is not a place to recklessly vent complaints. Take great care when

your share about or pray for your husband and/or children (and friends) so as not to slander

them.

a. "Do not slander one another" James 4:11

I don't know how to end this post other than to say I love you girls and I'm so proud to be your mama. More than you'll ever know.

Be Flexible Thursday

2011-10-07T14:57:00.000-05:00

Thursday has become our here, there and everywhere day. It starts out with dropping Sage off at school and then at 9:30am I take Clare to gymnastics. I usually try and knock off some errands in that 40 minute window. After lunch and Clare's nap, we pick Sage up from school, run home for a quick snack, a change of clothes and then whisk her off to her hour long gymnastic class at 4pm. We meet Brent back at home a little after 5pm and then head off to our home group bible study (kids included) that goes until 7:30ish. I always feel exhausted by the end of this day but it's worth it to me to be able to contain so much in one day so that the rest of the week is much more relaxed and freed up.

I took the camera to both of the girl's gymnastic classes yesterday. They go to Red River Valley Gymnastic which has an amazing facility and they both seem to really enjoy it. The funny thing is that Clare's class is the only one going at that time and usually there is only about five kids in it (although yesterday there were just two) while Sage's class time has many classes going at the same time and yesterday I counted up to 70 kids and I know there was even more than that. However, they've really mastered handling that many kids and the student to teacher ratio is still low enough that you never feel the sense of chaos. It's incredibly impressive and I think I should maybe start taking some notes! It's fascinating to me that both of the girls have a strong desire to take gymnastics when I was so much in love with it myself when I was a kid. We're really opposed to pushing the girls into being involved in only the sports and activities that we love or did as children because we like to encourage their individuality and interests in order to help them gain confidence in themselves and in the choices they make. So before they are signed up for any class, we'll go over all the possible options out there, from swimming, to soccer, to t-ball to ballet. Only one activity can be chosen and so far, this is what they really want to do. I'm going to just enjoy it while it lasts and maybe brush up on some old skills in the meantime. :)

One thing I want to mention about these pictures is that I wasn't allowed to use a flash in the gym which made it difficult to get a crisp image--especially during Sage's class so my apologies to you if you're forced to squint.

The lady in the pictures with Clare is Miss Jenna and she is her teacher and often Sage's as well.
She seems to know the name of every kid that comes into the building and every kid knows hers and loves her. She will demonstrate for them one time a long circuit of skills she wants them to work on and at the end she'll always say "Okay, go play." and I'm always shocked when I see the kids going through everything she just asked of them and remembering how they were suppose to do it all the while having a fun time. I cannot say enough great things about her.

This is a balancing exercise where Sage is playing catch with another girl while on a balance beam. They play this for awhile until the teacher tell them to switch and then they'll go to the next beam for a different exercise.

Noise Pollution

2011-09-29T08:59:00.001-05:00

Last month we got a scathing letter from an anonymous group saying it represented our neighborhood's interests in preventing noise pollution and that we had a toxic problem in our backyard: our dog, Miles. It went on and on about how he is disturbing the peace and that his noises are "illegal" and that it is in our best interest to have him professionally trained to stop all forms of barking because they would hate to see this issue be taken to court where we may be forced to have Mile's vocal chords cut. You would understand our shock in the contents of our letter if you knew our dog. He does bark, that is when he sees someone in uniform or sometimes when other dogs walk by. He is not barking all day long and if he does I just tap on the window and he'll stop. The one annoying behavior to us is that he whines if he sees us outside while he's in his kennel but none of this would constitute the accusations and threats in the letter we received. The best part is that an address or phone number of the person/persons is nowhere to be found on this letter, keeping us from even getting a chance to discuss with them the issues they are having with our dog. So we've assumed the person must be one of our next door neighbors and to let them know we've heard their frustration loud and clear, if Miles ever barks or whines while Brent is at home, he yells outside in a very loud voice, "Miles! Stop barking or they'll cut your vocal chords!" We always get a little chuckle from this.
Last night Clare was pretty wound up and being a bit of a stinker when tucking her into bed and I ended up saying goodnight to her and going downstairs all the while hearing her pretending to cry in protest. After a bit I heard footsteps, then a door open and then Sage yelling at the top of her voice, "Clare! You better be quiet or they're going to cut your vocal chords!" I went to the stairs and asked "What did you just say?" and she just burst out laughing. I couldn't believe she had just said that and I started laughing so hard. However, not a peep could be heard from Clare's room.

Recap

2011-09-23T13:40:00.000-05:00

Here's a quick summary of where we're all at now in the time that's passed since the last post. I'm going to make this super quick as minimize potential boredom.
Our biggest change is that Brent finished is military time last June which meant we would be moving from Omaha to Grand Forks, ND for one year while he does an OB fellowship. He was so excited the day he got out that he did a cartwheel in front of everyone at a formal dinner for the family medicine residency program that night. I guess that all I can say is that Brent is still Brent and I still love him more everyday. :) It was bittersweet to leave Omaha after seven years of living and growing our family there. We really loved living in Nebraska but the thought of moving back up north and being close to our families was so exciting. Last summer we spent time in seven small towns in MN in an effort to figure out which one was the place to finally settle. God gave us the peace and joy we were hoping for the minute we got to Morris, MN. Brent has signed with them and we will be moving there once his fellowship is over. This time here will give Brent the skills to do c-sections which will be a great asset for his practice in Morris. I am in the meantime really enjoying Grand Forks and was really surprised to find out what a neat place this little city is. People here live very active and outdoor lifestyles (I'm guessing because the frigid winter forces them to spend so much time indoors!) and I'm constantly running into people overflowing with genuine kindness. Seriously, this is a great place, who knew?! I'm slowly working on becoming certified as a doula and will hopefully complete that in the time we're here. I love the work and feel like it's something God made me specifically for this kind of work. Right now it's a bit tricky to really invest myself in it with Brent's odd hours and also the age of the girls but I'm thinking that as soon as they are both in school I will start working on getting more clients and also do childbirth education.
As for what's been going on with our girls, I'll start with our youngest and little spitfire, Clare. She is now three going on eight. Potty training is well past us and we are enjoying a diaper free house immensely! Clare is pure delight to us with her sweet little (and at times loud) voice. In fact, I'm quite certain that she feels any silence should be filled and will dutifully take that responsibility upon herself. All day long she is taking notes on the world around her and trying to put it all together in a way that makes sense to her and the best part is that she'll try and share with you what she's figuring out. I'm going to have to start writing them on this blog because it's so stinkin' cute. When she's not chattering away, she's singing songs she knows or else has made up. The made up ones are my favorite and while they have the potential to never end, they usually contain a theme and sometimes even plots. Last night was one with an impressive vocal range of notes and was about the moon needing to be around at night but alas, it went missing and, from what I could tell, she was heartbroken. No worries though, the moon returned and all the land was happy again. Clare is loving her gymnastics class and is completely unaware of what a peanut she still is and never let's it hold her back from trying to do anything the big kids do. Since we have this floater year here we decided to keep her home this year and just have her go to one year of preschool instead of doing two like Sage did. Instead I'm working with her a few days a week in some preschool books and making a point of having our own "field trips" every once in awhile. Both her and I are really enjoying it so far but I must say that this is going to be the farthest we go in the world of homeschooling. While I am certain that God calls some families into homeschooling, I know that He has called us to send our kids to public schools. :)
Sage finished her last year in preschool and it was amazing to see the difference in her work when compared to the first. The changes that we've gone through lately have had more of an impact on her then Clare simply because she's older but she's also done really well with it too. The hardest part by far has been having to leave her two closest friends she has known since she was six months old. Hard as parents to make her go through this too but we know at the same time that it can be a really good thing as well. She was able to get past her fears of kindergarten and started the first day so excited and has loved it so far. She seems to be doing well to but you wouldn't know it from the information she gives us. I know she gets tired of all the questions we ask her about school everyday but for all our effort all we can gets are tidbits about what her class is working on, that gym was awesome and what she had for lunch. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall in her classroom! The other day her teacher, Mrs. Rood, walked up to me as I was dropping her off and said "She is so sweet!" and went on to say some other nice things but that is one of the things I love the most about Sage is how kind and gentle she treats others. For certain there are exceptions when it comes to her sister, but Sage has been blessed with a tender heart that often shows itself in wanting to take care of others. She'll cover you with a blanket when you want to rest and is always wanting to help put the dishes away or set the table and pour our milk. Her big struggle is letting go of things like clothes that she has grown out of or baby toys she once used. With God's guidance, we're working on that. Sage still loves swimming and did a lot of it this summer. On a trip with Brent's family to Charleston, she swam every day for hours--one day going none stop from 7am to 2pm. But when we gave her the choice between continuing swimming lessons through the fall or taking gymnastics, she surprised us with wanting to do gymnastics. I have a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with seeing Clare in her new leotards.
I totally skimmed over all that went on in the last year, missing things like selling our house in one day, traveling so much this summer that I counted packing a suitcase 10 times in three months, running in a half marathon, not to mention the many great places we went to int the Omaha area our last year there (I'll share them with you if you're ever planning a trip) but this will have to do because days are passing and there are so many new things to discover and share. All I can say is that our blessing are so great and we have so much to be thankful for.
"God has been faithful, He will be again." ~Sara Groves

A Great Day

2011-09-19T14:03:00.000-05:00

I know I said I was going to catch up on what we've been up to over the last year but yesterday was such a neat day that it must be noted first.

To be honest, I woke up dreading the day and had a shameful, grumpy attitude to go along with it because Brent had to be at work at 7am and would be working all day and night. Ugh. So right away, while rubbing the sleep from my eye, I tell God I'm sorry for having this bad attitude and also asked if He would stay next to us throughout the day and keep us in His perfect will because life is so much more happier there. The girls and I had our breakfast and slowly woke ourselves up and before long it's time to get ready for church. This is a long process with two parents let alone one parent who is as indecisive as her five year old on what to wear. It was raining out as we pulled up late to church and normally I'd be a bit crabby at this point but I think I was doing okay. We saw an odd sight as we were walking in of a couple guys directing a driver up on to some blocks where they were, apparently, about to do an oil change for him--right in front of the church doors. Next, we're greeted just inside the church by two of the pastors dressed in bright orange t-shirts and jeans as we say "hello" in our proper (and well thought out, I might add) Sunday bests. Pastor Pat gives me a funny look and says, "Were you here last Sunday?" I tell him no and that we had been out of town. I know it's not necessary but I can't help but always feeling like I should explain church absences--especially to the pastor. He said that this their annual Sunday where they cancel services and tell the congregation the week before "don't just go to church, BE the church." They place an ad in the paper with a number people can call if they have work that volunteers can do for them. I got so excited as I'm listening to him because I just love these kind of service acts so I asked him if there is any project that would be appropriate for me to bring the girls along with so they can help too. He gave me the address to an 80 year old woman's house who needs help with her yard work and washing windows. We rushed home to change our clothes, grabbed our gardening gloves and headed to Ms. Lucile's house. There were several people working there already and they directed us to a couple apple trees that needed picking. My heart jumped inside because this is something the girls and I did a lot in Omaha at local apple orchards and we've missed it this fall because there are few apple trees that can grow in this cold climate and orchards are nowhere to be found. It felt like I were being blessed as much as Lucile because of this amazing opportunity to teach the girls about what it means to show love to others around us through selfless acts of service. They were so thrilled that she was going to have all those apples to make apple pie with! We also worked together in washing down windows on the outside of the house. Right before we left, Clare spotted some flowers and said she wanted to pick them for Ms. Lucile so we snipped a few day lilies and Clare brought them into to give to her. Lucile was so sweet and I found out that she use to be a teacher so I would imagine it meant all the more to visit with Clare and have a good chat.

We drove home exhausted, hungry and so happy. I had to chuckle as I thought about the dressed up state we started in compared to the mud smeared mess we were now. Work is always so much more satisfying if you can come away from it good and dirty.

As we sat down to eat, I asked to Sage if I could check her loose teeth. Two bottom teeth have been quite loose lately and the night before, one of them had looked like it could come out at any minute. I gasped when I saw in its place a little gaping hole. I asked her and asked her if she remembered the tooth coming out but she clearly didn't. I checked everywhere but there was no tooth to be found. After reassuring her that we could write a letter to the toothfairy explaining what happened and she would understand, we called Brent so she could share her big news. It was a big deal as this was the first tooth to come out on its own accord. The year before, her top two teeth had to be pulled out after one was fractured from a run in with Clare's head. No harm was done to Clare's head in case you were wondering.

Later, I took them to the mall to have a little girls shopping time and while we were taking some silly pictures in one of those photo booths, Sage started shouting "Mom! My tooth fell out!" Sure enough, there in her hand was the other loose tooth. We went to visit Brent at the hospital after that and she was so proud to show him her little baby tooth. I won't mention the little squabble that flared up when sister Clare wanted to be the one to carry the tooth around.

That night as I was tucking Sage in I remembered our prayer from the night before and asked Sage if she did to. She didn't and so I said "Remember you were really nervous about it hurting when the tooth fell out and also what if it bled? So we asked God to help the tooth come out tomorrow on its own without any pain or bleeding." I asked her if it had hurt when the tooth came out. No. Did it bleed? No. She got a big smile and said "Mom, we can ask God for whatever we want!" Oh boy. In the end she thanked God for helping the tooth come out and asked for Him to help the new teeth come in fast, not too fast...just kind of slow. :) Then I went to Clare's room and she prayed "Thank you God for all the pretty flowers that you made special for me. Thank you God and thank YOU Jesus. Amen"

It was a great day.

It's Been Awhile

2011-09-18T15:01:00.000-05:00

I'm trying this again. I just sat here for the last half hour, changing and tweaking the template to make this space feel fresh and new. I feel like I'm just starting out on some major spring cleaning and, let's face it, this place hasn't been cleaned for almost two years. This blog was started with the intentions of capturing glimpses of our every day lives so that the girls would have sort of a treasure of memories to look back on and read when they are older. As everyone knows, life can get busy and when things became crazier this blog was the first to be dropped. It was a welcomed break but I'm ready to get going again on this project. My little family has gone through quite of few changes and new experiences and more are on the way (no Mom, I'm not pregnant!). I just want to savor and enjoy every experience God is leading us through and, just as the Israelites did in the Old Testament, document the many blessings we have to be thankful for so that when we hit the bumps and hard places is life's road we will be able to look back and remind ourselves how God has not and will not leave us on this journey. I'll try and do a quick (or as quick as possible) catch up tomorrow and we'll go from there. See ya!

Here We Go Again

2010-01-23T19:52:00.002-06:00

Today brought me face to face once again with my least favorite subject on parenting: potty training. This morning Clare dragged Sage's old potty chair into the middle of the room and said "Potty? I go potty?" Really? Already? Because she's got another week of being only one year old so I figure I should have at least six more months available to make lame excuses of why we haven't started down that road. But my sweet, little darling's demands are getting louder and more insistent and since I definitely do not want to direct anything negative towards that chair I smile and sweetly say, "Okay, let's try!" with as much excitement as I can muster. Thus began the morning of "Potty!" and the subsequent running to the little white varmint so I can strip off her diaper and then watch her sit for two seconds and then jump up and yell "All done!" In case you were wondering, not one of those trips were actually successful but then, I wasn't expecting them to be. Her excitement was catchy though and when she woke up from her nap with the same subject on her mind, I made a risky decision by stripping her down to bum, plopping the detestable seat in front of the tv and plopped "Elmo's Potty Time" into the dvd player. I figure if anyone can get the idea through her head, it should be Elmo. She sat for awhile before the thrill of being diaper-less got to her. There were scoots around the house and dances in front of the seat but every so often she'd come back for a sit. I noticed that she was starting to stuff toys into the vestibule for germs and as I was explaining to her that this was not for toys, only --- and ----, I noticed her socks were wet. I must say this didn't surprise me or disappoint me in the least. I know I jumped the gun a bit but curiosity had gotten the best of me. I started to look for the scene of the crime and when I finally found it I had to laugh out loud. The little stinker had stood right on top of an Elmo book and drenched it. And not just any Elmo book but a book with an Elmo puppet built right into the middle of it. She literally peed on Elmo! I guess Elmo did have sort of influence on her!

Dear Sage

2009-12-02T14:32:00.007-06:00

It's taken me a bit to sit down and write you a birthday letter but at least my reason for being late is a good one in that we have been busy hosting guests, celebrating Thanksgiving, decking the house for Christmas and celebrating snow days together. Now that the dust has settled I wanted to take the time to share with you the memories of this last year so you'll always have a glimpse at what you were like at three.

Last year we sent Dad off to "the desert" and headed up north to stay with Nana and Papa for three months and during that time we celebrated your third birthday up there with all the grandparents. A week later you were in the pediatric ICU after accidentally swallowing one of Grandma's medications. To date that was the scariest time of my life. But you were fine and made the most of your visit there by requesting popsicle after popsicle from the kind nurses. We made it through the 30 below winter in Minnesota to come back to Omaha in January and enjoy a week with Daddy on his leave from deployment. You and Clare started going back to Tina's for two day's a week so I could get a little break which you were totally on board for as there were mornings you were practically shoving me out her door. In June we waited anxiously at the airport for Daddy's plane to arrive and bring back the man we had missed so much. It took a few months for you to fully accept him back into the fold--I think a big struggle for you was that you felt like you were betraying me in letting yourself enjoy him and allowing him to do many of the little things that only Mom had been doing for the last year. You worked your way through that though and now Daddy is something of a rock star in our home and everyday when he comes home from work and walks through the door you and Clare morph into a cheering squad complete with screams and big jumps. I'm pretty sure your Dad is just as excited to see you too. This was a year of firsts for you; first swimming lessons, dance class and first year of preschool. With each of these events you have blossomed more and more and are growing into your own little person, becoming brave enough to have a voice in the world around you.

I must say that three was much, MUCH better than two. Oh, there were moments (and still are) when every ounce of my self restraint was tested in resisting the urge to lock you in your room for a week, but the difference between two and three was that you wanted to understand so badly the reasons for the limits we put around you and once they sunk in you gladly followed them and usually would preach them to us for a week and also try your hardest to instill them into Clare.

This was the year of discovery in all things pink and princess. Your poor Dad is daily stifling feelings of nauseousness. There isn't a day that goes by in which we don't find you doing some kind of funky fairy dance--which led us to enrolling you in ballet classes. We can't get enough of watching you dance in class. There are curtains over the windows so that the kids aren't distracted by seeing their parents but we found a window outside that we can peek into. It's a bit cold but so worth it. You have a smile on your face the entire class and you do pretty well at following the teacher but every once in a while the dance bug hits you and you break out into your own dance complete with jumps, spins and wiggles.

There is a soft spot in your heart for animals and the major theme to your play at home is gathering various stuffed animals in the house and tucking them into bed. Your self therapy is still acted out here in that one animal is usually struggling in one of the disciplines that you yourself are trying to master at that time. There are never less than three animals that you are taking care of which makes me wonder at the number of kids you will have someday! This play is always done exclusively and a sharp objection is usually issued should someone try to join you.

Your two best friends are still Sara and Abby and it's because of them that we sent you to preschool this year--a year earlier than planned. This will be the only time when you will be in the same class as them and we felt that adapting to school would be much easier for you if you could do it with your friends there. So far this has proven true. Again, your overexcited parents are curious about what you do at school and we're often told "No more questions!" but you seem to be loving school and your teachers. I'm just amazed at how much you've changed in the few months you've been at school and the confidence you've gained from it.

This year for your birthday party you requested, of course, a princess party. So we invited Sara and Abby to go with you to get mini-manicures and then we headed to our house where the dining room had been transformed into a castle complete with a dining table just the perfect size for little princesses. You were beyond excited about the decor, so much so that the minute Sara and Abby arrived you started yelling "Sara! Abby! We have decorations! Come see our decorations!" I had a lot of fun making a castle cake for you and the effort it took was well worth it when you told me it was the best cake EVER.

In one year you have grown into this curious preschooler with definite tastes and preferences. There is a sensitivity about you that surprises us at times. Only the happy parts are watched when we play one of your movies, all the other parts that include hurt feelings, sadness, mean villains or scary sea lions that are trying to catch a cute penguin with dancing feet (name that movie) are skipped. One night I spent a half hour answering your questions of why Mordecai would try to hurt queen Ester and her family after watching the Veggie Tales version of the story. The next half hour was spent reassuring you that there was no such thing as an island of perpetual tickling. To best explain this side of you I have one last story to share and it's by far my favorite. One day we decided to make cookies for Dad to take with him on his hunting trip. As you were on about your third spoonful of cookie dough, I said "Sage, do you know what these cookies are called? Monster cookies." Your whole body froze and a panicked look came over your face. With a convinced voice you told me "No! They are NOT monster cookies. I don't like monster cookies." "Yes Sage," I said, "they are monster cookies and I think you do like them judging by the amount of cookie dough you've eaten." Again she insisted "No, they are not monster cookies...they are happy monster cookies." I chuckled and agreed with you that they must be, in fact, happy monster cookies. Later we were in the car and I was telling the story to your Dad of how the new name of the cookies had come to be and when I finished he asked you "Did you make me happy monster cookies?" You immediately yelled from the back "NO! They are not monster cookies!" Dad said "I know, they're happy monster cookies, right?" to which you replied "No! They are not happy monster cookies...they're Jesus cookies." That's my girl!

Celebrating Fall....Uh, I Mean Winter...I Mean...

2009-10-13T21:40:00.001-05:00

What a surprise to wake up to a few inches of snow last Saturday! In Minnesota this would not be such a shock but in Nebraska? Really?! Sage's reaction was the typical excitement from a kid her age and the expected question "Can we go play in it?" She handled my reply of "Sweetheart, we don't play in the snow at 7 in the morning. Let's go make Mommy's coffee first," quite well actually. Clare on the other hand got huge eyes and stared out the window in complete shock...and then started crying. When we finally did make it outside she was determined to not step foot out the door but once I plopped her in the snow she was hooked. We built this snowman before their afternoon naps and by the time they woke up the snowman's head had fallen off from all the melting. Have no fear though, with my super mom powers I was able to convince them that a head falling off there darling snowman was funny. The snow has since melted away to reveal the still bright green grass underneath and next Monday they are predicting temperatures in the 70's and we will go back to celebrating the fall foliage and picking pumpkins. But for us this little foretaste of winter has brought some excitement for all the fun that's to be had when the temperature drops. Maybe unpredictable weather can sometimes be a good thing.

Time with Family

2009-09-10T13:57:00.002-05:00

Last weekend was such a treat for us when my brother, Ehren, and his wife, Ester, came with their children to visit us. More visitors arrived Monday after Ehren and Ester left, when Brent's dad, Bruce, and stepmom, Jane, stopped by for a couple days on one of their "circle tours" to see their kids and grandchildren. With our anniversary thrown in the midst of that too, it was four very fun filled days and it has taken me this long to regain the energy I need to sit down and think my way through this post!

We always have so much fun when Ehren and Ester visit. They are so layed back and yet are always up to trying something new. We mixed things up this time by nixing the usual zoo trip and instead went to Fontenelle Forest and meandered on the boardwalk through the forest while on the lookout for dinosaurs on exhibit right now. I'm not sure what the older kids liked better, the dinosaurs or racing strollers...with little kids in them. Ah yes, the lovely walk on a quaint wooden trail... the surrounding views of streams and deep cliffs covered in foliage...the lurching of your body over the side rail to avoid being run down by a crazy red head pushing a stroller with two little girls laughing their heads off as they race in break neck speeds on to the next innocent bystander. From the looks they were receiving, I thought it best to look innocent and put a good 20-100 feet behind me and the racing stroller.

The best part of being with Ehren and Ester (with any of my brother's families for that matter) is watching the kids play. When I was in high school and Ester was our exchange student, I was horrified by the budding romance between them. I think my opinion went something like "My college age brother with a girl who is a year younger than me? Eeeewwww, grosss!" Fortunately, nobody listened to me and during college I came to my senses and realized that if Ehren married Ester, I would get to have one of my dearest and closest friends be a part of all the major and minor events in life and I would get to be a part of hers. I remember being in my dorm room in college while she was visiting and saying to her, "Our kids will be cousins!" I think about that every time I'm enjoying these precious children play.

These are pictures taken in the forest and also the only time the camera was taken out during both visits. It's a problem I have when I'm enjoying the company so much that I forget all about capturing the moment.

The making of a band featuring Kade, Anika and Sage. Special performance of interpretive dance by Ester.

Love this picture. Kason was so tired and this was the only place that was good enough for him to be content.

Ehren did his best to carry some of the weight for Ester but even this would not do.

I want Brent to build this tree house. It was so Swiss Family Robinson like.

Ehren and Ester headed home Monday and Bruce and Jane pulled into town that afternoon. Since it was our anniversary, Bruce and Jane were sweet enough to stay with the girls that night so Brent and I could go out and celebrate. We ate really, really good food but maybe a bit too much of it because the next morning we were still full and had to ask Bruce and Jane if they would be willing to cancel plans to eat out that night so that our stomachs would be able to return to their normal size. Fortunately, they were okay with that. Bruce spent the morning at the zoo with Sage while Jane, Clare and I supported the local economy. Poor Brent had to work. The evening was topped off with a light meal...okay, kind of light until we got to dessert and had a divine blueberry coffee cake that Jane had made. She said she was going to bring some slices with them to have on the road but heh, heh, heh, they forgot and we got to eat the rest ourselves. :) Again, a very nice visit and the girls absolutely loved getting to spend time with their grandparents.

Both Brent and I felt so guilty for all the food we indulged in that we both ran over six miles the next day and have done several other workouts since. It was soooo worth it though.

Cuddle time

2009-09-02T15:24:00.002-05:00

There is this perfect moment right before Clare's bedtime when she is just tired enough that if you gather her into your lap she snuggle in, sticks a thumb in her mouth while the other hand reaches back to gently pinch an ear. We had such a moment the other night while all four of us were outside playing around. Brent and Sage were off to catch crickets and beetles while Clare and I cuddled on our two person swing. We swayed in the breeze with my arms wrapped around her, feeling her body completely relax in the rocking motion. There is a silent agreement between the two of us that we could stay in this swing forever. I remember having these same moments with Sage when she was that age. It's the feeling of being in as perfect a moment as you can get this side of Heaven. In that moment I try and memorize every detail of my surroundings, the feeling of holding her so tightly, the overwhelming amount of love I have for her right then so that I can remember it for the rest of my life. I want to remember for the inevitable time to come when she is too busy or too big to cuddle with her mother or maybe for those times when she's not quite as endearing :) These moments are at the top of my list as one of my favorite things in being a mom.

As we sat I had this thought: is this what God feels when we completely surrender to him? When we quit running around, distracted and in non-stop motion and take a moment to sit in his lap? When we stop trying to do everything "all by myself" and allow His arms to surround us as we allow ourselves to completely relax in His care? Does He hold us in His arms, relishing in the love He has for us? Then I began to wonder when the last time was that I totally, absolutely chose to sit quietly in His presence and felt His peace be enough and everything to me. I say it and think it all the time that I need to stop worrying or trying to control things that are beyond me and just hand them over to God and trust...sounds good but honestly, I usually don't hand it all over. I hold just enough in my hands to feel like I'm not about to free fall into unknown territory. Instead of letting my body go limp and breathing in the knowledge of His love and care for me, I keep my back straight while I sit with Him, watching for any sudden movement that would compel me to stand up and leave that comfortable spot. I'm thankful for these moments when He shows me a new glimpse of His love and I resounded that night, as Clare and I swayed in contented bliss, to make more time to sit with my Father and let Him hold me for as long as it takes for me to not want to be anywhere else.

Proud Mama

2009-09-01T19:16:00.000-05:00

Monday was a big day for Sage. It was her first day of preschool and I am happy to say that her mother did not break down in tears when she handed her precious little blond haired girl into the care of her teacher nor did she lose it when driving away. It's only because I know that Sage will be going to preschool another year after this before heading off to kindergarten which enables me to look at her two and a half hours, three days a week as more of an educational social outing rather than my Sagers making a step away from her dependence on us.

I feel it's important for me to describe her attire since we were too absent minded to remember to take pictures but then again, who ever remembers to take pictures when walking out the door to an educational social outing? Her choice of "first day of school outfit" was a long, green corduroy circle skirt with purple and pink polka dots and a white t-shirt with pink jacket which coordinated perfectly with her hello kitty backpack. One of the first things she told me when I picked her up at the end of school was that another girl had on the same shoes as her so apparently the day was not without drama!

Brent was able to go to work late so he could also witness this special day and he took it upon himself to get her bathed and dressed that morning. When he was trying to get her into her clothes she told him that she wanted to wear her pajamas to which, of course, he informed her that pajamas would be a major fashion no-no on her first day of school--maybe in high school kids would receive such a statement in a more open minded way but definitely not in preschool. Her response was to bolt out of the room. Brent thought she was heading downstairs to find me for a second opinion so he finished getting ready himself. On his way downstairs he passed the office and saw Sage, still in her underwear, sulking on the chair. He asked what was wrong and she said "I feel nervous." Ugh...doesn't that just tug your heart? They had the thorough discussion on why she didn't have to worry and how much fun she was about to have and before long, the two came downstairs and Sage was ready to get dressed. When we got to the school and waited in the line of cars to drop her off, I let Sage out of her seat and had her sit up front with me. She has this habit of talking gibberish in a happy tone when she's uncomfortable or nervous as was the case that morning, but we could tell as well that she was excited to find her friends and see what this whole school thing was about. Our turn finally came and as her teacher opened the door and greeted us, Sage belted out, "Hi Mrs. Hart!!" and off she went with hardly a look back. As we watched this precious girl of ours who suddenly looked so much older with a backpack on, make her way to the class I turned to Brent and said "I'm so proud of her." So much pride. No sentimental tears or worries over how the morning would go for her...just the wonder of watching Sage be able to identify a fear and work her way through it so bravely. Oh...I love her so much.

This morning was the second day of school and once again she was a bit nervous but not quite as much. She seems to like it so far and especially loves the part of getting to see her best friends Sara and Abbie. Clare and I are soaking up this rare time with just the two of us but that time does not go by without her asking "Er's Sage?" (where's Sage?) at least a half dozen times. I've always relished the thought that I (and Brent too) get to be our children's first teacher so it's both a little strange and exciting to be sending Sage off to what I suppose is her second teacher. No qualms though, her teacher is really cool and is very open to Sage's introverted ways. :) So I guess we're officially entering the world of show and tell, class trips, fears of head lice and the scramble to find the perfect snack food for an entire class. It's all so much fun (minus the head lice fears) and I'm completely savoring this special time in her life.

O Canada!

2009-08-08T09:06:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago Brent and I left the girls with my parents so week could take a four day fishing trip up to Canada. We drove up to a small town called Minaki and then took a 20 minute ride on a float plane to Long Lake where we stayed in the only cabin on this lake. No roads, no people, no Starbucks. Just the sounds of nature, the company of my husband and absolute serenity. It was probably the most calming and relaxing trip I have ever been on.

This is a view from the float plane at one of the many lake systems in that area.

Our cabin with gazebo ran mainly on solar energy but there was also a generator if we needed it.

The view off our deck.

Another view from the deck. Seriously, it was so beautiful to me that I could have just sat and stared for hours.

Of course, our main reason for going there was to fish. There were actually three lakes for us to fish on, the other two we had to portage (hike through the forest) to where there were boats waiting for us. It's been a rainy and cold season up there this year and the third lake, Marvin, we were told was impossible to get to because of water, mud and fallen trees covering the trail. We didn't seem to hear that part though, because both of us were stuck on the info that the biggest walleye were in this little lake. So on the last day there, with thunderstorms lurking around us, we decided to get a little adventurous and see if we could make it to Marvin. Let me just say at this point that I did not have rain boots...only old tennis shoes. The warnings of mud, water and fallen trees proved true and then some. The path often disappeared from us completely and we would wander around some until one of us would pick it up again. Did I mention that there are bears wandering around up there? I must say that it was quite a rush to make our way over trees, cut our way through brush and hop over small creaks. At one point I even got in touch with my gymnastic roots and walked, balance-beam-like, on a tree that had fallen over a creek we needed to cross. There were many times that we stopped and questioned our sanity in continuing on that trek but sheer stubbornness always seemed to win out. The excitement of finally making it to Marvin Lake was deflated when we saw the boat half filled with rain water and only one small pail to bail it out, not to mention some dark, purplish, clouds also heading our way. The only thing to do was bail that water as fast as Brent (bummer, only one pail) could and call the drizzle a nice break from the heat.

What's that you say? Turn around? Head back before the rain comes and lightning strikes? Who would do a thing like that? You city folk.

With the boat bailed we head out and drop our lines as fast as possible. It's a race between us and the thunderclouds to see what strikes first...lightning or a walleye. Then I feel it...yep that's a bite...SET THE HOOK. I pull in a 19" incher and feel a sigh of relief that our insanity had rewarded us with at least one fish. We bummed around for another 10-15 minutes without bites until deciding that it was probably best to get off the lake and start making the trek back. Five minutes into our hike we lose the trail. This surprises me a bit since I had figured we could just follow our tracks back but unfortunately, this was a place where we had lost the trail on the way there and all we have to follow are our confused steps that were taken on trying to find it. Finally I spot the trail and we head off again. Five minutes later and we're right back at Marvin Lake. I start to see visions of search parties finding us half eaten by mosquitoes and eating slugs to stave off the hunger pains. Thank goodness for modern technology and Brent's wisdom in bringing his GPS with us. By the time we make it back to the start of the portage the storm has passed over us and we are drenched and muddy but with a glow of triumph on our faces for accomplishing what was said couldn't be done. Normal people might head back to the cabin and get out of the sopping wet clothes to take a nice, hot shower but us crazies felt the only appropriate next move was to stay on the lake and fish for another hour or two.

It rained every day we were there except the first day but thanks to rain gear, we still fished quite a bit. We were allowed to keep two walleye per person each day for eating...and eat it we did. Brent made the most wonderful meals while we were there and just thinking about it now makes my mouth water. He made the classic fried walleye, walleye grilled with dill, butter and onions, walleye chowder (my personal favorite) and grilled walleye smothered with cheese, onions and mushrooms. Ooooohhhh, it was so yummy.

In case you were wondering, which I'm sure you weren't, it was the fisherWOMAN that caught the most fish and the biggest. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

I'll leave you with this picture and story. This was the only stinker (literally) of the trip. Masked in all that lush green beauty and quaint boardwalk stands the outhouse. Now, I'm all for roughing it but let's get real here, these things are gross...I mean eeewwww...gross. Whenever I had to make the quick dash out there, I cautiously made Jason Bourne-like scans through the woods to make sure there were no bears lurking about, waiting to make their surprise attack. On one such mission I caught some movement in the brush. My keen senses told me it probably wasn't a bear but maybe a rabid skunk or porcupine. Fortunately I had stopped next to the open window to the kitchen where Brent was standing so I loudly whispered to him, "Brent, you have to come out here. There some kind of critter in the woods." He nonchalantly comes out, asks me where it was, walks directly to where I'm pointing and laughs. Turned out it was a sweet little rough grouse. In my defense, when I got up for a closer look it glared me down in a very vicious, cute sort of way.

So Happy Together

2009-07-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

It's funny how time seems to change. I know that one second is always the same length of time and that one minute will always consist of 60 seconds but somehow, I can't wrap my head around how fast these last four weeks have went when two months ago, four weeks had seemed an eternity.

We had a countdown on the fridge that had been up since 24 weeks left of Brent's deployment and it was at 6 weeks remaining that I started having Sage pull off the page every Thursday to help her get excited for her Daddy's return. When Brent was within days of his arrival we headed to the mall so the girls could pick out whichever dress they wanted to wear to the airport. Sage picked a pink sundress with red, white and green trim and the perfect amount of puffiness while Clare picked a halter dress with stripes all over in the same colors as Sage. We were literally doing happy dances around the house in our excitement of seeing Brent. Finally, the day we had been waiting a year for arrived. He was scheduled to get in at 2pm so we spent the morning getting balloons to fill the house with and bunting to hang on the bushes. We decorated the yard with patriotic crafts we had made and hung a sign on the tailgate of his truck that read "Welcome Home Brent. We love you and are so proud of you. Love Ingrid, Sage and Clare." (Huge thanks to buildasign.com who gives away banners worth over $40 to welcome home returning troops) We got the butterfly cookies that Sage had picked out to make for this day all laid out and ready to eat when we got back from the airport. While part of this was done to welcome Brent home, my main goal was to make it a big deal for the girls. I guess I thought that if we made this day really fun and exciting to them then it would help them understand and transition better into the world where Daddy is home and that they now have two parents again to love them and take care of them.

We got to the airport at 1:45pm only to find out that his flight was delayed and would not be arriving until 2:36pm. Oh well, no big deal. We waited this long, what's another half hour. The tricky part was that neither of the girls had had their afternoon naps but I figured if I could keep them entertained then the meltdowns could possibly be avoided. So we watched planes which was a huge hit except for the fact that poor Sage thought every plane she saw was Daddy's. Clare visited with a nice elderly lady and her granddaughter for awhile until she got bored and start looking for opportunities to make a break for it. So we headed to this nice long hall that runs the length of the airport and is never crowded and the girls ran and ran and ran. Finally, at 2:25pm we made our way to the security checkpoint to plop ourselves down and watch for Brent. Five minutes turn into ten...then fifteen...then twenty. Yep, we've officially lost it. Sage has been saying every two minutes "Oh, I think he's here. Daddy's coming!" and I'm praying the whole time that she's right but now she's angry that he's not shown up yet. Clare is wanting nothing to do with sitting and waiting and is struggling to make it back to that nice hall which I would have been fine with but I have no idea when Brent is going to appear because the arrival time of his plane still says 2:36pm. Both of them are tired, crabby and on the verge of full out tantrums worthy enough to alert security and let's be honest, I would probably be throwing a fit myself. Not wanting to be the person everyone feels sorry for who fell flat on her face just short of the finish line and lost the race, I run to the nearest gift shop and frantically buy the first snack foods I can find: teddy grahams and gummy worms. Worked like a charm and I have no shame about it. At 3:15pm word is spreading that his plane had landed and we see the first passengers from his plane heading towards us. At this point the girls are acting like they could care less while my heart is about to beat out of my chest. Then I see him.

He's looking for us and has the biggest smile on his face when he sees us. Sage's smile matches his from cheek to cheek and is holding her arms out long before we reach him. She wraps her arms around him and does not stop hugging him nor does the smile leave her face until we eventually reach our car. Clare is not sure what to think about Brent and buries her face into my shoulder the first ten minutes until she decides that he must be a good thing and starts making shy smiles at him. The thing I remember the most about our reunion is that there was no happy screams or jumping up and down, just quiet joy and smiles mixed with tears (from me of course). I had brought my camera and had had many opportunities where I could have asked someone to take pictures of us in that moment of greeting each other but once I was there waiting but it just never felt right. When I talked about that later with Brent, he was relieved as well that there wasn't an outside intrusion of pictures being snapped and that the moment was kept private for us to cherish.

I didn't know if we would get that day. Neither of us were certain that he would be coming back alive so to say that I'm grateful to God is such an understatement that it almost seems insulting. I can't think of the fears I had for his safety without choking out tears which is, of course, what I'm doing right now and probably why it's taken me this long to write on the blog since he's been home. It's been a wonderful, peaceful, joy filled and healing four weeks. As hard as that time was when he was away, I'm thankful for the ways it has made both of us grow. I am married to a great man who is still able to amaze me daily after almost seven years of marriage. I love him and cherish him so much and can't see there ever being a day where I don't look at him and think about how great it is to be his wife and to know and love him. I will never take for granted this time we have together nor will I ever take for granted those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. There is a whole new group of troops that have stepped in to replace Brent and his team and what they face now is even more dangerous than when Brent left. We need to remember them and never stop praying for their safety.

Brent is doing great and is back to work now. The boxes of his stuff that he had mailed home from Afghanistan have, thankfully, stopped arriving and our house has recovered from the onslaught of army fatigues. It's taken awhile for the girls to realize that Mommy will no longer be attending to all their needs and while they are still working that one out, it's gotten much better. These days, nothing is more beautiful to me than watching the girls giggle and play with their Dad.

I just want to thank everyone who got us through this time with your support and prayers. Every prayer lifted up was heard and will bless us for the rest of our lives. We want to especially thank our parents, this was just as hard on all of you and yet you still encouraged and loved us through it all. Mom and Dad, thank you for letting the girls and I crash for literally months at your place and for suffering with a pleasant face through all my healthy food experiments. You guys and Ehren and Ester were a safe haven for me through that time and gave me the renewal I needed to make it through to the end. Bev, thank you for all the packages of gifts sent to the girls, they were like treasure boxes for the girls to open and were so much fun for them. Bruce and Jane, thank you for your visits and for always taking the time to play with the girls while insisting that I got a break whenever we were together. I was so touched that you spent the time making sure that I had a mother's day gift made by Sage and it is a flower pot I will always treasure.

I am reveling in living a life of normalcy right now and looking forward to some fun stuff we have planned over the next year. Our next adventure starts this Sunday when we leave the girls with my parents and go on a four day fishing trip in Canada. WHOOO HOOOOOO!

The Home Stretch

2009-06-11T21:06:00.001-05:00

Thank the Lord, this is almost over! Brent has been given a fly out date of July 10th but there is a rumor going around that they may send him on the 4th and then it will probably take a week to get home. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am. I have packed our days full in effort to make the days go by faster. I think it's kind of working but it's also making me exhausted. The other night as I was tucking Sage into bed she asked "What's tomorrow?" As in, "what unnecessary outing do you have planned for us tomorrow that you feel you must strap us into the car yet again, drive us for who knows how long, only to endure another afternoon of hearing you ask us 'Isn't this FUN?'" Don't tell them but this weekend is the LaVista Days in which we will be embracing in full carnival spirit and next weekend is Papillion Days which I hear is even better than the LaVista Days AND there is a kiddie parade in the morning! YEAH!!!

In the meantime, I am nesting. Seriously, it's worse than when I was pregnant with either of the girls and going through that phase. I'll put it to you this way: The other day I decided that I needed to scrub and vacuum the inside of the car out (it really did need it) so that we could have a nice, squeaky clean car to bring Brent home in. Then I realized that we were bringing dirt into my nice, squeaky clean car from the dirty, grungy garage floor. So what do I do? I spend half of my day away from the girls while they play at Tina's, cleaning out the garage. We're talking haul everything out, wipe it down, clean the floor and reorganize the entire garage. People, I swept the wheels of the lawn mower for goodness' sake! My whole rationalization behind this madness is that I want all these little jobs done before Brent gets home so that we don't have to even think of doing them and are able to sit together as a family for hours upon hours, basking in each others presence.

Next up, clean out the kitchen cabinets then wash all the windows inside and out and then I should have just enough time to tile the kitchen floor.

Celebrating May Day

2009-05-02T08:45:00.000-05:00

Hoping to start a new tradition, we embarked on the age old tradition of May Day baskets. Most Mom's probably have their kids sit down to an elaborate craft time where paper flowers are cut and glued together and then attached to piped cleaners after which the flowers are placed in the baskets that the mom hand weaved using the reeds she collected from the nature walk she took the kids on the day before. Since it's been a rainy week here we weren't able to get our nature walk in and thus had no weaved baskets on hand, I found some cute plants at the grocery store, had Sage glue a small flower cutout to a larger one, wrote Happy May Day on it and called it good.

The whole point of leaving a basket on someones doorstep is to ring the doorbell then hightail it out of there before getting caught, however, there is nothing fast in trying to herd a three year old and one year old around so this experience for them was more about a lesson in the joy in giving.

We had three plants to deliver. One to each of our neighbors and one to Tina, my friend who watches Sage and Clare twice a week and has had the most influence on me keeping my sanity while Brent is gone. The first neighbor is a couple who have a son-in-law themselves that is deployed. They are the kindest people who have looked over the house for us while we've been gone, shoveled the driveway for me this winter every time it snowed and basically have watched out for the girls and I while Brent has been gone. Turned out they weren't home when we rang their doorbell so we left the plant by their front door. It took a little convincing to get Sage to leave a plant by the door without actually giving it to anyone but eventually I was able to pull her away from it.

Our neighbors with three adorable girls all happened to be outside playing so their delivery was much more successful. They totally got a kick out of Sage giving them flowers and it was just what Sage needed to get really excited about delivering the next to plant. Sadly, there are no pictures of this transaction because I was busy coaching Sage through it and also keeping Clare from eating tulips and dirt.

Tina's house was next and this was the one Sage was most excited about...that may have been because she knew we were going to the zoo after we gave Tina her flowers.

They weren't home either.

I think it's safe to say that I got more out of this May day than the girls did. I knew the fun these people would have in finding flowers by their door but to Sage we were just running around leaving plants lying on the ground and Clare, well, she couldn't have cared less about what the mission was and spent most of her time playing with whatever rocks, dirt, grass or bugs that she could find. Does this mean we won't be making this day a tradition in the Barnstuble house? Absolutely NOT! Next year there will be weaved baskets, hand-cut paper grass to fill the baskets, sequined flowers, pipe cleaner bees....

Crash and Burn

2009-04-30T15:02:00.001-05:00

The treadmill and I got up close and personal this week. The treadmill has been my main exercise machine for the last nine years. We've logged a lot of time together. I am not saying this in a bragging tone but so that you know that after this much time, it would be safe to say that I'm well versed in the safety measures one should take when using this effective machine. Apparently not.

Monday was interval training day where I run at 10mph for 30 seconds and the a light jog for a minute and then repeat this cycle 10 times. I was on the last seconds of my first 10mph when I heard something rubbing against the track. I hit the stop button and jumped to the side of the track. Now, when I say I hit the stop button, I need to be clear that the track doesn't just come to a dead stop but gradually slows itself to a halt in somewhere around 10 seconds. So, again, I hit the stop button, jump to the side of the track and also start to turn to look behind me to see what was making the noise. And this, my friends, is where all the common sense I had left my brain and went on vacation and mistake number one is made: my foot catches the track and my body is immediately thrown to the side and catapulted off the treadmill. Here is where mistake number two comes in and has actually been there since we moved into this house almost two years ago: the end of the treadmill is backed up right against a wall. What this means is that I was chucked off the treadmill only to be pinned up a against the wall so that the track (which, let me remind you, is slowing down from the speed of 10 mph) is now performing some major exfoliation on my leg and arm. The thoughts that are running through my mind during this harrowing escapade went something like this: "This is not good. I can't afford to get hurt. The team cannot afford to lose another player! This is NOT good!"

Finally the treadmill has slowed enough to the point where I can peel myself off of it only to then to be blind sided by the pain coming from my leg and arm. Bracing myself, I look down at my leg...ohhhhhh...that's not good. However, I will not be one of those wooses who let a minor injury like this stop me from finishing my workout. I'll just go upstairs, clean it off and then finish my run. Seriously, the brain cells have stopped functioning. I grab a dish towel and wet it and then start to blot and then...

...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's at this point that I decide to go on sabbatical from my workouts for a week or two. And how about for good measure, any bending, stretching or flexing of my leg as well.

Now, five days later I can happily say that I'm able to bend the leg but it is essential to where loose fitting clothes. I'm tempted to take a picture of my wound to show to you but I fear it will horrify you to the extent that you would never want to come back to this blog again. I'll just tell you that when my brother was in 6th grade he suffered from severe 2nd and 3rd degree burns and this is nothing compared to that. He did, however, have skin grafts taken from other parts of his body to cover the burn and my wound looks like the places where they performed his skin grafts. Only my skin was not put to good use and is now lying in embedded streaks on the treadmill.

There are two things that I'm grateful for out of all this. One is that Sage was downstairs playing just out of view when it happened and never saw anything which is such a relief because I really think it could have seriously traumatized her. The second thing I'm grateful for is Neosporin. God bless you people who came up with it and also the people who came up with the generic and cheaper version as well since I've been going through this stuff like a banshee.

I'd like to think that my brain is now functioning normally (whatever that is, I'm not sure) but I guess we'll find out! Oh, and in case you were wondering, I looked to see what had been making that sound and it was a card from one of Sage's games. Hardly worth the pain but at least I wasn't hearing things. Right? Hey, I'll take whatever optimistic thoughts I can grab at this point.

Favorite Moments

2009-04-27T08:40:00.000-05:00

The other day Sage asked if I would play dollhouse with her. This is a huge deal because playing dollhouse is like self therapy for Sage where she works out all the dilemmas that life throws at her. Issues like staying in bed until it's time to get up or sharing with Clare are all played out everyday with the dolls appropriately named Mommy, Daddy, Sage and Clare. There is also a Grandpa Buck (because the doll is bald), a Grandma Jane and a little boy who is sometimes cousin Kade and sometimes her friend, Gideon. So I really felt like being asked to join her was like an invitation into a very sacred world...or the part of a therapy session where the mother is brought in to be blamed for all the issues the child has. Hoping to come out this unscathed, I let her lead the way in playing out what the characters are up to that day. She decides that I will play with the Daddy doll and she will have Mommy, Sage and Clare. This is already interesting.

Quietly I hold the Daddy, waiting to see what inner struggle will come out. She walks the Mommy up to Daddy and says in the sweetest voice "Hi! I love you!" Then the Mommy plants a big, loud kiss on Daddy.

This is the part of therapy where the mother is trying to control her tears as to prevent further trauma to her child.

Of course, being the willing playmate to Sage, I offer in my best Daddy voice, "I love you too and I missed you! You are so beautiful. The fairest of all! Now that I'm home I will see to it that your delicate hands will never wipe a poopy butt again!"

Later, while sharing this story with Brent, I told him how touched and actually relieved I was that in spite of his absence, this is how Sage sees her parents relationship. Ever the romantic, Brent's reply was "Yeah, better than having the parents beat each other up."

Note to self: when Brent gets home he is NOT allowed to play dollhouse with Sage.

Welcome Spring!

2009-04-26T22:09:00.000-05:00

Don't tulips just make you smile? The rabbits have been quite merciful on the these lovely flowers this year and I couldn't resist snapping some pictures of them this last week. They are so cheery and have been begging me to share them with you. The last one was taken this morning when a cardinal was roaming amongst the tulips, looking for a tasty breakfast during this mornings' rain. I'd like to think he was enjoying the ambiance as well.

Someday...

2009-04-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

I haven't been very diligent at blogging lately and it's not because I'm breaking down or too stressed or anything like that. Quite simply, I haven't had the time and the little time I do have I just want to sit, not think or plan or contemplate...just sit and bask in the silence. I have say too, that the girls and I have had many fun filled days lately as we took a two week trip to Minneapolis over Easter (thanks Grace and Kevin!) and have been soaking up perfect weather to play outside in. Unfortunately it's left little time for me to sit down and blog which leads me to the reason for the title of this post. Someday I hope to be more consistent on posting the little things we do or the random thoughts that stick around long enough in my brain to actually pour themselves out on the screen in front of me. For that matter, someday I hope to have more time to practice piano, landscape the backyard, learn to sew on my fabulous sewing machine, take up golfing, organize all the baby stuff to sell in a garage sale, have a garage sale and reupholster my sofa. For now, I'm just trying to stick the important stuff like making sure the girls are loved, fed, clean, educated and trained to sleep threw the night. That last one still needs a lot of work. The rest of the time is spent being a wife to a husband on the other side of the world, keeping this house running (I've become quite proficient at fixing toilets) and getting in my daily workout. In light of focusing on what my priorities are right now, I feel really good about where we're at right now in the craziness of this year and even though there are many things that plague my mind from the department of "I really should..." I'm okay with letting those things ride in the backseat awhile longer. Until then I'm going to try to focus this blog on fun things and celebrate the discoveries these precious girls make everyday.

Silly Me

2009-03-27T21:08:00.000-05:00

My Mom called me tonight to ask me how the blog ended. I was very confused at this question. I was quite certain I had not published an unfinished blog but apparently I had.

Hee, Hee, Heee...

Oh, for certain I've lost my marbles!

In case you were at all curious, Brent called while I was in the middle of writing a sentence and while I was certain I had hit the "save now" button, I must have hit the "publish post" button instead. I have now finished it in case you were feeling bored enough to want to read the rest.

I have not stopped laughing at myself since which tells me that a) I've lost my mind and need medical attention, b) I need to go to bed right this minute since my overdoses on coffee lately have not been an effective treatment to the state of exhaustion I'm walking around in or c) I need to get out more because this really isn't that funny when I think about it and yet, I'm still laughing.

Brent, I'm sorry if you come home to a wife whose eyes are bugged out and is running around the house chasing phantom bats with a broom yelling "I'm gonna getcha! I'm gonna getcha!" I'll do my best to hold it together but let's just both pray this is all over soon. Day and night, pray. Like seriously, maybe every time you think of me or the girls. Let's synchronize out watches and then maybe every five minutes we'll ask God to keep me going. Like a little wind up toy who is beating his drum slower and slower until someone comes along and gives it a crank. That's me. I need God to give me a crank. Every five minutes sounds about right.

I'm going to bed...

...after I pray.

To Be a Kid (completed)

2009-03-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

When we had Sage I was determined that I would not be a parent who competed with other parents in the game of who has the smartest, most brilliant, Einstein in the making, Harvard should be calling any day, child. Along the way I've met parents who were just as determined to lure me into the boxing ring of "here's what MY kid is doing now" jabs but I feel I was able to hold my own and steer clear of throwing any jabs or uppercuts from my corner. (I think I've been doing a little too much tae bo lately) Now, for certain, there are people who actually care and are interested in your child enough to want to know all the little details. I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about the ones who ramble off all the latest and greatest accomplishments there child has made and then ask you that inevitable question: "So, what is YOUR child doing now?" My answer was usually something like "Oh, we love to go to the zoo and tickle the sharks swimming over our heads" or "Sage is just getting into having me paint her nails and sometimes we make it extra special by also painting polka dots on them!" Secretly, I'm hoping my answer annoys the socks off them.

Still, I couldn't help falling into the trap of questioning if I'm teaching Sage enough right now. Is the new norm to have her reading before she gets to kindergarten? If it is then I'd better snap to it. Not to mention, we really need to clear up her numbers because mixing up 6 and 9 will be sooooo not cool by the time she's in preschool.

Then I read something so provocative that seriously, I feel like a new parent with a whole new set of parenting tools. There's this book that I highly recommend by Dr. Brazelton (he's a huge voice in the world of research in child development) and I had finally gotten around to reading his the chapter in his book Touchpoints that was on three year olds. When I got to the subject of cognitive development, what he had to say was so incredibly shocking to me that I think I ended up reading three times. Here's the first part of it.

"In the pressured world of families today, many parents of children aged three or younger will wonder when to begin teaching them to read and write. My response: Don't, until she demands it."

Don't teach your child to read unless she demands it? Are you kidding me?

He goes on to talk about a study done in the 60's where a group of three year olds were taught to read and gained adult approval because of it but were shunned by peers who hadn't learned the skills. Then they began to slip in second and third grade because the learning process they'd used earlier wasn't enough in the more complex studies of later grades. Once they lost their place in the top of the class, they also lost the adult approval that had fed them before and ended up truly in a sorry state since they had never developed the social skills needed to get along with their peers. In the end he concludes that the best thing you can for your child at this age is to let her learn for herself. Achieving a task on her own will give a sense of accomplishment that will serve her much more for future learning than if the parent had pushed her.

Let me tell you, since I've read this the air has changed in this house and it's been an eye-opener to me at how much I was taking charge of the activities we did. By far what I've noticed the most is how much more I enjoy just playing with them or watching them play. It's as if I'm learning right along with them only my lesson is on discovering more about my girls and who they are even at this young age. So thank you Dr. Brazelton for my lesson on withstanding peer pressure. I never thought I'd need that lesson at the age of 31 but apparently I did.

A Level of Respect

2009-03-11T20:23:00.000-05:00

Since we first moved to Omaha and started this military life, I have always wanted to make note of something so far from normalcy in the civilian world that happens here everyday on the base. For my friends who are military and happen to read this blog, please feel free to share your first or memorable experience as well. I was raised on a farm and my life was so far removed from this world of rituals and abbreviated EVERYTHING, where your doctor shows up in camouflage and expects you to not think twice about his or her attire. There are many positives about this life that I don't want to forget and this is one memory I will smile over for the rest of my life.

Everyday, sometime around 4pm, loud horns can be heard from any point on base. If you are outside when you hear this, all activity must stop. I'm not sure what those inside buildings must do but I do know that I've never had to stop grocery shopping when they've gone off. If you are driving in your car, you must pull over. If you are active duty you must actually get out of your car and salute in the American flag as the National Anthem is then played throughout the base. This happens during rush hour on base when everyone leaves around 4:30pm so can you imagine all these cars pulled to the side of the road, out of respect for the anthem, everyday?

Now imagine what it would be like if you were an officer in your car and experiencing this ritual for your first time...only no one told you what it was about or what you were suppose to do. Yeah, that was the case for poor Brent. If I remember right, he just kind of played it cool and followed along with everyone around him. Sadly, there have been many other "here's something else that we do that is in no way considered normal that somehow you were just suppose to know" moments. Live and learn, right?

My first time hearing those horns blast was while we were swimming in the base pool. By this point Brent had already had his lesson on car etiquette in this situation but what do you do when you are swimming in the deep end of the pool? Were we suppose to get out? Could we quietly just keep swimming? Being the street smart people we are, we stole glances at the seven year olds swimming next to us and gathered from them that the people in the pool were suppose to turn to the direction of the flag seize all movement or quietly tread if you couldn't touch the bottom of the pool. The mother's who had been soaking some rays all put their books down, stood with hands over their hearts and showed their respect along with the rest of us.

Okay, I totally get the patriotism and respect that is shown in all of this and it there is a sense of pride every time when we take that moment out of normalcy to honor what this country and not to mention, the whole point of being in the military is about. But I'm sorry...it's a terrible, embarrassing thing for me to do...I just can't help but get the giggles every time. I think it's because I always think of Pavlov's dogs and that this could be mistaken for some mighty impressive conditioning.

Case and point: On my Mom's last visit here we were walking into the commissary (grocery store) when the horns started. I immediately grabbed my Mom's arms and told her to stop. She had no clue what was happening and thought we must be in some kind of danger but thankfully, before she tried to take cover or make some other defensive maneuver, she saw that everyone around her had stopped as well and were not in the least bit concerned. I looked around and tried imagine what this scene looked like to her as people who were on their way to their cars with the carry out person toting their groceries behind them, stopped dead in their tracks--even if it was in the middle of the street--and stood with somber faces and hands properly placed on their chest. What was she thinking when she saw the lady a few feet away standing by her open trunk with groceries only half loaded? At first she had the proper response of "how neat" and "there is dignity and honor in doing this." But then...

...then came the giggles.

Clare Bear is One

2009-02-19T12:58:00.000-06:00

My little Clare, you are now one years old and my heart hurts a little when I think what being one means. When you're one you have lots to do and so much to explore and many things to learn that no longer will you have time to take little naps on Mommy and Daddy's chest or find delight only in our faces as we tell you how much we love you. Now you are determined to find everything in the house that you've never seen before leaving us with only seconds to give you a quick hug before you insist on being put down to go explore some more. You are learning to be independent and strong on your own--and while I'm thrilled that you want to do these things, I'm a bit sad at the thought of my little cling-on detaching herself from me.

One year of your life has passed and with great relief I can say that you were a wonderful baby. Oh, there were the difficult moments that every parent of a baby goes through and definitely nights where I felt like I would never get to see my pillow again; but then you would give me that beautiful smile or hold on to me as tightly as I held you, making all those long nights or days softly slip away.

In just one year we have learned so much about your big personality. You know what you want and have a great determination to get it. You give passion to everything you do, including the intensity of your frustration. At one you are already starting to stick up for yourself with your big sister which I'm relieved about because she is much bigger than you and you are going to need the feistiness in your little body to keep up with her. You are quite dramatic, to the point that a stranger will be certain that you were physically injured when really they just got close to you without you giving them permission. You have some fears but will let them go given enough proof that they're not really that scary. My biggest and most favorite part of you is the pot of joy inside of you that bubbles over every day. It's like you were given extra sprinkles of happiness to be shared with everyone around you and when you do, you have the ability to make the grumpiest person in the world smile. Such a little girl with such a big heart.

Your birthday was a wonderful time for us because your Daddy was able to schedule his leave to be home for your special day. Grandpa Buck, Grandma Jane, Nana and Papa were all there to celebrate with us and to watch you devour your birthday cake. About your cake, I'm very sorry but the Care Bear cake that I was trying to make completely fell apart and Daddy and Papa had to go buy a cake (which was very tasty and thank you for saving the day) from the grocery store. Papa had the great idea to ask if the bakery had any Care Bear stuff for the cake and bless their hearts, they did. I vow to make it up to you and make you that cake sometime soon as well as give you stellar cakes on your birthdays to come. You had a great time playing with the balloons and opening your presents but no doubt, your favorite part was eating the cake and decorating your face and hair with it. In spite of my loser cake, it was a fun day and you were so adorable.

We love you so much Bear and are so thankful that God chose us to be your parents. You have blessed us more than we could ever have imagined. We are so proud to call you our daughter. Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

Chia Legs

2009-02-13T10:18:00.000-06:00

Calling all mother of babies and toddlers! Here is an brilliant idea for a learning experience for your child that is both entertaining and will not cost you a penny. It's quite easy actually, just refrain from picking up the razor and let your leg hair grow as nature intended it to. When your pants begin to catch on your new growth, you are then ready to sit down with your child and let them delight themselves in the fun texture of your calves. You will laugh with your child as she discovers a whole new world of prickly legs. Enhance her experience by showing her rubbing one direction is smooth while the other is scratchy. Hint: Have a stuffed animal nearby so that you can show the difference between soft hair and porcupine hair. You are guaranteed hours of entertainment for your child at no cost to you. Plus, you can take this toy anywhere! So start now! Supplies are not limited!

Brought to you by the Mothers of One Minute Showers.

A Good Workout

2009-02-09T13:30:00.000-06:00

I woke up determined to do one thing: put my running shoes on and have some serious run time on the treadmill. It's been a crazy, emotional roller coaster ride these past few weeks with coming back to Omaha, picking Brent up at the airport five days later and then bringing him back yesterday to say goodbye for another five months. There was a desperation in me to run my legs off and hash it all out. This has become more than a physical conditioning for my body, now it's a "throw your gloves on" deep cleansing of my soul and I already know that today is going to be a long run with all the stuff I need to sort out with God.

The first minutes are always like a dog tearing out the door after being cooped up inside all day. I've got my ishuffle cued to today's choices of Sara Groves songs and as always the lyrics serve like a person adding their wise observations to a conversation as I let my mind wander over the beautiful two weeks we had with Brent. There, of course, are memories too private to share and then their are the ones too precious not to. Like Sage skipping into the airport, chatting away about going to find Daddy and then the smile on her face as she shyly walked into his arms with no intentions of ever being let go of and not a single word left to say. Or Clare being at a water park and so overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds but the moment Brent came into view she screams out "DADA!" like she knew who was suppose to protect her.

I'm feeling great. Maybe I'll add minutes to this run today.

This goodbye was different then last time. I told Brent that the best way that I could describe how it feels to send my husband into a country where there are men at any corner who would give their lives end his is this: I'm standing on the shore of a frozen lake with my hands tied, mouth gagged and eyes blindfolded, knowing that Brent is on that lake walking over it hour after hour, day after day; and also knowing that there are parts of that lake where the ice is so thin he would be certain to fall through. If he did, I would not be able to help him and since I cannot see or hear him, I wouldn't even know it had happened until someone lifted that blindfold off my eyes. It took everything in me to let him go and watch his uniform disappear through the doors of the airport.

My knee is hurting a bit...weird. I read something that knee problems in runners can come from the runner turning their feet in when they step (I'm not even sure if I do that) so maybe I'll try focusing on the way I plant my foot...what do you know, it seems to help. I think the pain is going away.

I think I've been purposely avoiding the reality of where he is. No CNN, no FOX news, nothing. I wanted to avoid all reports of terrorist activities and live in the idea that it was relatively safe where Brent is. Brent's camera wasn't working either so I wasn't even getting pictures from him either. But then he came home and there were the less than expected conditions that he is living in and traveling in and not to mention, the time I slipped and watched a report of a suicide bomber in southern Afghanistan and listened as the Taliban claimed responsibility and promised more attacks in that area. That area...southern Afghanistan...where Brent is. My Brent, my most favorite person in the whole world, the man I want to laugh with and love for the rest of my life, the father of our sweet and innocent little girls. I know they just want to drive fear into us and well, I'm sorry but they have succeeded in scaring me. How am I suppose to be okay with this? How do I just sit here for the next five months waiting to see how it all pans out?

I think I started out too fast. My side is hurting now. I know if I focus on my breathing it will get better. This is not the wall, I will not stop for just this. I'll just breathe.

We keep saying that God has a purpose for us in all of this and things that He wants to show us and teach us. So I guess now would be a good time to start looking for today's lesson. In an instant the angels are flapping their wings again. I had been praying for God's angels to protect Brent and the men there and I all of sudden remembered that I'm not completely helpless...okay, okay, I know that when I'm relying on God to be my strength I'm never helpless. But the Bible talks a lot about angels and how many times they were used to bring messages and warnings and also to protect people. I figure they must be much more intimidating than any army we've got so, "Lord, send your strongest angels. Let them stand as a barrier between Brent and these men whose only mission in being there is to help the people of Afghanistan."

Pain is gone but the run isn't going as easy as I thought it would be. I won't be adding minutes to this run but I know I will finish it. Sage is running around in circles by me while Clare's taking her nap. I hope that as they grow up they get something out of being around us while we work out. I hope they will want to live healthy lives.

Two eyes, one pair green and often found in a look of deep contemplation as she figures out the workings of her world and the other blue and so ready to smile at what she knows in her young one year of life. They flash in my mind and all of a sudden I know that this journey, this difficult road is not only about what I can learn but also about what I can teach them.

My knee is hurting again and this time the way I step my foot isn't going to help it. I know I should probably stop to prevent injury but I can't, not now. I need to finish this run.

Brent said the one thing that gets him through this is knowing that if something did happen to him that I would be alright because my faith in Jesus would get me through it. I feel a certainty in that too but right now I need Jesus to get me through today. I need to let Him take this fear and hold it for me so that I can be the mother He wants me to be for my girls. I need to let Him take over so that one day they can look back and know that the One I live for was the one who stepped up to the plate to take Brent's spot of support and reassurance to me through this whole time. This may be the greatest lesson I'll ever teach them and it will not be by my words but by the way I live right now, this moment and the moments to come. Now is not the time to give up and sit on the couch every day, throwing pity parties for myself. I want them to know that choosing Jesus doesn't mean you get a free pass from all the hard stuff in life but that when you do, He's there to see you through it. He wants to be our peace. He wants to hold us and comfort us when it seems we're hanging by a thread. The bonus is that when we draw ourselves so close to Him, He makes us more like Him. I pray that someday they will see God in all of this too.

I'm literally hobbling along now. I know I'm going to pay for this later and that I've let this battle inside me morph out onto the treadmill but I can't stop. I have to finish this run.

I focus my eyes for the hundredth time on the sign Brent hung for me to have in my line of sight as inspiration for these kinds of workouts. It's that war sign with the words "We Can Do It" over a woman flexing her arm. Today the "We" is Brent and myself and in my heart I hear the words "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

"...Christ who gives me strength."

"...strength."

I finish my run.

I will be back tomorrow.

We are Home

2009-01-19T14:22:00.000-06:00

After three months of crashing at my parents home, we are back in NE and so happy to be home. There were many blessings to living up in MN for that time but it also feels so good to be in our own space on this earth. The time with Nana and Papa was very special for the girls and I will cherish the pictures in my mind of Sage clinging to my Dad for a special "Papa hug" or Clare having were dynamic conversations with Mom. It was a time filled with monumental moments like Sage becoming completely potty trained (thank you hot tub--you will never know what you mean to me) and Clare getting her first teeth and doing other firsts like crawling, pulling her self up, saying "hi" while waving at you and learning the "more" sign. For me it was a blessing to have someone else to share these moments with while Brent is gone. It was sad to have to say goodbye to them and while the quietness in their house now is probably a bit strange, I'm sure it's also welcomed. That, and the removal of the toys that somehow never stayed in the toy box when someone cleaned up are I'm sure very appreciated right now!

The drive back was long with icy roads over half of the journey. The girls and I stopped at my good friend Becky's house and spent the night on Saturday to break the trip up and to get a chance to visit with her. She and her husband, Travis, are amazing. Somehow they are able to not only stay sane but also to be an inspiration to everyone around them as they raise two VERY active boys who are 3 and 4 and twin girls who are 5 months old. I have no idea how they do it but they do. Yet even in all the chaos of their kids plus mine added to the mix, it was so fun to see them and to stay up and visit with Becky. I love this family and I always leave them feeling like I learned something new about God's love.

After the winter blog from earlier it was a shock to get into Omaha and see barely any snow on the ground and for the temperature to be 45 warm degrees! Thank you Lord! Sage was so thrilled to start seeing sights in the car that she recognized and when we finally came into the house she ran from room to room saying "I'm so glad to be home." Then they sat and went through all the toys that were left here and she would pick up the dinkiest toy that probably came from a happy meal and say "Look Mom, my kitty!" Clare on the other hand does not seem to recognize this as home and has been quite clingy but that doesn't surprise me too much. She only woke up once last night so that's a good sign.

I have many pictures from our stay in MN that I plan to share as soon as I demolish the piles of stuff that need to get put away.

A Hint of Lunacy

2009-01-04T14:26:00.000-06:00

In one word I can summarize the weather up here this past month: COLD!!!!!

I'm not talking about a "Ohhh, it's chilly out. I'd better throw on my fuzzy Gap scarf before I go outside" kind of cold. We're talking so cold that there is a sense of urgency that rushes through your body when you step outside that tells you that you'd better get to where you're heading fast before your lungs freeze and you are left standing like one of the sorry souls frozen in time in the Chronicles of Narnia.

Here's the kicker: we want to move back to Minnesota in a couple years. I know, I KNOW! One has to wonder if brain cells were possibly killed off during the winter months that we would still want to move back here, knowing what we would have to endure every year. A normal person would stay far, far away from this insane climate but in spite of the brutal cold, we still love this area. There is a beauty here that comes with the winter that makes the cold a part of home as much as the mosquito filled, hot summer days that serve as a reprieve for our frost bitten toes.

I'll give you a taste of that beauty I found on my way to the mailbox one day. It was a quick trip as the temp was in the negatives and my body was numb by the time I got back in the house but I was determined to get some proof that there was something to be treasured in this ice covered paradise. You be the judge.

Beautiful Memories

2009-01-04T13:40:00.000-06:00

This was what I came to Minnesota for--to be with my family on the days when being with family matters most. I wasn't sure where my emotions would be running during this time with Brent so far away but I'm happy to say I held my own. Oh, I missed him terribly but at least I didn't weep my way through Christmas and I even was able to allow myself to feel the joy of watching two little girls experience the wonder of this very special day. I'm sure those of you with kids can relate when I say that Christmas is so much more wonderful when you get to share the excitement with your kids.

I'd like to think that Kade and Sage were reenacting Mary and Joseph's long journey to Bethlehem but I'm pretty sure they were just playing "ride the horsey."

This is Anika in her usual place right next to a baby. She is so sweet with babies and just loves to mother them. Poor Clare had a true "no room at the inn" Christmas experience when alas, there was no room for her at the table so she had to be seated on the floor. She didn't mind at all though, as long as we kept food on her tray.

This is my great aunt Judith sittting next to Kade. She's been a part of every holiday we've gathered together as a family for as long as I can remember. Such an intelligent lady with a great sense of humor to boot. We all just love her so much--even the kids love having Auntie Judith come for a visit. This year we had a brunch on Christmas Day and I thought it was so wonderful. In my world you cannot beat quiche, home made breads and pastries and fresh fruit. You can see towards the bottom of the picture a tray of lefse that my parents made. For those of you who are not from these parts, lefse is a Norwegian staple around here around Christmas. It is a potato dough that is made on a special iron and the best lefse maker can roll the dough out until it's so thin you can see through it. Spread butter and sprinkle sugar on it then roll it up and you have a tradition that's been here since the Scandinavians settled this area.

Right before Christmas Brent and I started to get to talk to each other using the webcams on our computers. We had tried this when he first went to Afghanistan but the connection was so horrible we could neither see or hear each other. We were still able to talk every day on the phone but it was hard for him to have any communication with Clare (for obvious reasons of her being a baby) and Sage who refuses to talk to anyone on the phone. Now the connection is so clear and we use it a couple time a day. This has also been really great for the girls to see and hear their Daddy and they get so excited when they talk to him that they literally end up bouncing all over the screen. I like to think that being able to talk to Brent like this was truly a Christmas gift from God. This may be a hard thing for us to go through but He has given us so much to be thankful for.

Update

2009-01-03T21:37:00.000-06:00

As of today, Sage has made a proper disposals of bodily matter for the last two weeks. Excuse me for a second...

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously the best Christmas gift the girl has given me.

"Potty Training Brings Mother To Her Knees"

2008-12-18T10:05:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: This post is primarily about poop. Read at your own risk of inducing gag reflex.

I don't really like to write about the progress (and regression) of potty training with Sage mainly because it is my least favorite part of parenting to date and I am hoping that my brain will erase all memory of this trial much like the brain does when a person has been seriously physically or emotionally traumatized. However, the last two days have been a wide range of disgusting moments and jump-in-the-air victories that I can't help but share them.

First off, no. 1 has been going very well with very few accidents in a long while. No. 2, on the other hand, has been a virtual nightmare. To date Sage has only done that duty in the toilet a handful of times, the rest have been...well, there are few other options left so you can figure that one out. Is she afraid of it? No, I don't think so because when she has gone it wasn't that big of a deal to her. Is it a power struggle? Perhaps and if it is then she is winning and I'm clueless as to how to gain control of this situation. Bribes have worked but once the reward has been achieved she has gone back to her old routine of waking up in the morning or after a nap and notifying me that she has pooped in her pants--which really isn't necessary because I can smell it on the other side of the house. Trust me, I have tried everything. My only glimmer of hope has been that most kids seem to figure it out at some point, I'm just hoping I'll be able to send her to school because I'm pretty sure that "daily cleaning of poopy pants" is not on a teacher's job description.

That brings us to a couple of days ago. I knew Sage was up from her nap when I heard her talking in her room so I ran upstairs to get her, hoping that she had not done her thing yet but once I opened the door I could smell that I was too late. She looked at me as if I had just interrupted an important business meeting between her and the dolls and then said to me "Mommy, go out there. Please shut the door." I asked her, "Should we clean you up first?" "No." I obliged, figuring I would like a little more alone time as well. About ten minutes later I heard her open the door and head to my room. She walks in and drops this bombshell "Mommy want to clean the poop on the bed?" WHAT???!!!! I head to her room and right there, smeared across the bed, was my breaking point. Noooooooo. She had dug into her pull-up and then wiped what she had found onto her bed. Then I realize that she is walking around touching who knows what with that same hand. I race back to her and grab the nearest pack of wipes and start tearing one after the other out as I wash her hands, even getting under the finger nails, and then for good measure, wipe down then the rest of her body as well. By the time I'm actually changing her I am losing it as I ramble off something like "We do not touch poop. Poop is not a toy and we don't want to touch it because then our hands will be very, VERY dirty. You need to put your poop in the potty. No more pooping in your pants. No more. Repeat after me: I promise...I won't...poop in my pants." This ranting continued as I brought her downstairs seeing as how the container of wipes I had just used was for the purpose of cleaning her enough to get her from upstairs, down to the bathroom where I threw her in the shower. After hearing me say for the twentieth time "No more pooping in your pants," Sage interrupted me to ask if she could go in my parents hot tub. She's been asking this a lot lately so what does a mother do when she really wants a certain action from her child? That's right, bribery at its finest my friends. I'm not at all ashamed to use it--as long as it's used correctly. I tell her that of course she can go in the hot tub after she has pooped in the potty. Immediately after getting out of the shower she says "I have to go potty" so she sits down and starts pushing until her face resembles a tomato. She looks at me and concludes "It's not working. I have to try Papa's potty." Right, I'm sure that will make all the difference. We grab Clare and head to my parents bathroom which is also the room that holds the hot tub. The pushing resumes and after a bit she is able to push out the tiniest poop ever. Seriously, squint and you'll see it. Great. I have no choice but to make a huge deal out of it and let her get into the hot tub. I was actually pretty happy because I thought maybe I had stumbled upon the one vice that I could use to throw the power into my court. The next day she wakes up clean and I kindly remind her that there is a dip in the water coming her way when she makes a proper deposit. Later that morning she gets it into her head that she really wants to go in the tub so for 30 minutes she runs her naked butt back and forth between the bathrooms to figure out which toilet is going to be the one that works today. Every five minutes she would run to me (I was feeding Clare her cereal) and exclaim "Mommy, I did it! I did it!" and I would go look with her but what she had done was pee so I would tell her good job and keep working on that poop. Finally after making her victory claim for the sixth time I go look again, expecting to see nothing, and there it was...cue the choir...Papa's toilet once again worked like a charm. Oh, there was no faking my joy that time.

No dip in the hot tub yet today but also, no accidents either. My fingers are tightly crossed...in fact, they're starting to hurt from being crossed for so long. I'm hoping that if any of you see Sage in the next few weeks, you will find a water-logged girl with dry, itchy skin from all of her trips into the hot tub. One can always hope.

"Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree..."

2008-12-12T21:51:00.000-06:00

It was one of those moments when you ask yourself as a parent "Was leaving the house really worth it today?" In an attempt to create a memorable, Hallmark moment for our children, my sister-in-law, Ester, and I persuaded my parents to drive an hour to the only Christmas tree farm in this area so we could cut down our own trees.

We would give our kids the experience of entering an enchanted world of snow covered pine trees gently sheltering the cozy cabin where they would be welcomed to gather around the fake fire glow and sip hot chocolate in the cancer causing styrofoam cups while filling our tummies on homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Then, only the brave would ready themselves to enter the legendary, spit-turns-to-ice-before-it-hits-the-ground, MN air. Their courage leaves us weak ones in awe.

With Papa leading the way, our fearless hunters set off on the trail to find the trophy Christmas tree. We pray for their safe return.

With much anticipation we waited for what we hoped would be the Christmas tree of all Christmas trees. Our excitement built in us until it bubbled over into singing and dancing with joyous hugs for one another.

Then, in the midst of our gleeful dancing we heard the sound...oh, the wonderful sound...of the snowmobile bringing back a tree cut just for us. This brought another round of happiness for all the children. Happy, happy, happy. Not crabby...just happy, happy...

Oh what's the use, here's what really happened.

We left to go get Ester and the kids over an hour past the time we had planned for which already was pushing back the naps we had planned for the kids to take in the car. After Ester and I had gotten the car seats and Anika and Kade loaded up I ran back to the house to get Kason only to find the door was locked. Poor little guy sat in the house, buckled in his car seat, all by himself for hour while my parents tried to track down Ehren at work to get the keys. So Ester and I sat in the van trying to entertain Sage, Clare and Anika who were all still needing a nap. When we finally got into the house there was Kason, playing with his socks and mellow as always. He had cried, obviously, during that whole wait but in the end I guess we can just chalk that experience up as a good lesson in self-soothing. So now it's 3:30pm, no naps, and yet we decide to still do the one hour drive and cut down three trees before dark. Do we throw in the towel and settle for a store bought tree? Never! The kids do alright on the drive but of course, Sage doesn't fall asleep until right before we get there. I tried my hardest to get her to go with my Dad, Ester and Kade to get the trees but she was not going to have anything to do with that party. So instead she stayed in the cute, warm cabin with my Mom, Anika, Kason and Clare and targeted all of her crabbiness at the nice old man who owned the place as he tried so hard to give her the cookies his wife had made and the hot chocolate that he had made sure was just the right temperature. After the trees were loaded and everyone had gotten their fill of cookies, we headed back home. Now it's 5:30pm which means it's Clare's supper time but since I had not planned that we would be there this late I had nothing for her besides the puffs Ester had brought and we were given a clear signal from Clare that that was not going to be acceptable. Ohhh, she was not happy and let me tell you, the girl may be little but she has a very loud, piercing cry like you wouldn't believe. This began that unavoidable chain reaction of "kid empathy" as Kason and Anika joined the cry fest--often filling in the silence as another would take a breath. We tried to soothe them with food and music but it was hopeless and in silence Ester and I accepted what our fate was to be for the journey home. The classical music that we had left on to accompany the screams somehow seemed to have a soothing affect on us mom's and as I started to replay the day in my head and then picture how pathetic we must look in that van, I couldn't help but start to get the giggles which made Ester laugh which made that whole day so much better. Another bright note was that in all of Sage's crabbiness, she did not join the others (that's my girl, don't give in to peer pressure!) and remained quiet the whole ride except for the few comments she made from the back of the van informing me that Clare was crying. It may have traumatized her a bit though because when we got home she kept saying over and over "Clare's crying and Kason is crying and Anika's crying and Clare's crying and Kason is crying and Anika..."

In the end I'm glad we went and we did get a beautiful tree and definitely a lasting memory of that day.

Backlogged

2008-12-09T13:34:00.000-06:00

I have issues. I'm so behind on this blog that and the more behind I get the less time I feel like I have in catching up. Do I necessarily have to blog frequently? Not really, this is, after all, something I'm doing for the sake of documenting memories for my family so a missed week or two won't hurt I suppose (or else I may be using that as an excuse for my chronic procrastination problem). It's just that I missed writing about Thanksgiving and it was such a good Thanksgiving in spite of the fact that Brent wasn't there and for the sake of writing down the good moments when there are so many hard ones during this whole deployment thing, I must not let this last holiday go unmentioned. For those of you reading this who are so over Thanksgiving and already writing on your blogs about having all your Christmas shopping, baking and decorating done...whatever. You have my permission to read this even if your only purpose is to pat yourself on the back for having your life so put together, unlike those of us who are sitting here, reading (or writing) this blog, in our pajamas. If I sound a bit sour, it's only because I have not had my third cup of coffee yet. Sorry about that. I do hope that by finally getting this post up will serve to jump start my drive to write more because I actually do have a lot to share...whether or not you will find it interesting is up for debate.

Okay, on with the Thanksgiving highlights!

Thanksgiving was held at Brent's family's (Dad, Bruce, and Stepmom, Jane) house this year. Jane's son, Steve, and his two kids, Healy and Jace, joined the party for a nice low-keyed but wonderfully delicious meal. Jane is originally from the south so there were some added dishes to the table that you don't normally find up here. For the record, cornbread stuffing is so much better than regular stuffing in my opinion. I did not, however, go for the gizzard gravy.

Every time I see Healy and Jace I'm reminded of how little time it takes for kids to grow up. Those two were so fun to have around and Sage and Clare loved them. The last picture is on this post is of Sage and Jace looking at the Santa village that Grandma had put up for them. He sat with Sage the whole morning talking and looking at the village and you could tell that she loved every minute. Clare took a special liking to Healy and would willingly let her hold her with or without me there and that is a huge accomplishment in my book. Steve, bless his heart, tried so hard to win the girls over but they would have none of it. Little kids usually love him but our girls are not easily convinced.

I love this picture because it's a common sight when you are at Bruce and Jane's--particularly of Bruce. He's washing the dishes. Let me tell you, the man likes to clean. He's got this radar/super sense that can detect the second a dish has been left unattended and in super lightening speed will have it to the sink and washed and cleaned before you have a chance to pick that glass up to finish your drink. :o) I know all you ladies out there are salivating at the thought of having a husband with such skills. If you look at Jane in the picture you can see that she knows how good she has it. In all seriousness, I really have great in-laws and I'm not just saying this because they read this blog too. They gave me such a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend (which I will go into more detail later) and getting to be with them for Thanksgiving somehow made Brent seem not quite so far away.

Here are some of the girls highlights:

Sage discovered that the WonderPet's attempt to save the turkey failed. But Grandpa Buck helped her recover from her sadness by teaching her the proper techniques in using a very sharp knife to carve the dead bird. She in turn helped him by eating as much turkey as she could to help save storage space in the fridge.

Sage also was having a hard time with the reality that she has to share her Grandparents now with Clare. This led to the regression of insisting that she sit in the highchair (particularly when Clare was already in it). She's also wearing Clare's dirty bib. I'm picking my battles people and this is just not one I have the strength to fight right now. However, I will draw a line if she starts demanding only pureed food.

Clare discovered the wonderful world of Barbies...

...and quickly succumbed to the charming Ken. She also got her first tooth while we were there. Sorry Ken, that must have hurt.

The real highlight for me was that almost everyday I got a couple of hours to run out and shop or go to the bookstore or make my daily trip for a Caribou Coffee latte while Bruce and Jane would stay with the girls. Oh, how heavenly that was! Seriously, just thinking about those times out make me want to cry. I'll put it to you this way, once in the mall I realized I was walking at a super speed, totally zooming past the gazillions of people shopping and I knew it wasn't because I was in a hurry, it was because for the first time in I don't know how long, I was in a mall without kid. No stroller, no front pack with baby, no dragging a screaming child who won't get off the floor down the hall! It was the most amazing feeling. I really don't think Bruce and Jane have any idea of how much I loved that weekend and how grateful I am that they cared enough to make sure I had it. So many blessings, so many things to be grateful for.

On that note, I am now ready to move on to Christmas. I am glad to say that I have sent Brent's Christmas present but whether or not it will get there I'm not sure. Apparently the Taliban blew up a bridge south of where Brent is stationed so they are not receiving mail right now. On a positive note though, it looks like Brent will be getting his two week leave around the end of January which means he'll be here for Clare's first birthday. Needless to say, I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

She's Going To Be Fine

2008-11-19T13:37:00.000-06:00

As I sat in the ER Sunday night, holding Sage in my arms while a mother's worst fears ran through my mind, I wasn't so sure that I would get to hear those words. I prayed for them over and over all the while telling Sage, "You have to wake up, Mommy needs you to be okay."

With tears of relief and gratitude I'm writing now to let all of you who were praying us through that ordeal that Sage came home to Nana and Papa's yesterday and is back to normal. For all of you who prayed, thank you so much--if I could I would give each one of you a hug right now. Those of you who are reading about this for the first time, it is only because there wasn't time for me to call you. Here is the quick version of what happened.

Sunday I took the girls to Fargo and left them for about four hours at my mother-in-law's house while I took some time off for myself. When I came back at about five, Sage was sleeping on her chair and Bev said she had been sleeping for about 40 minutes. I let her sleep a little longer before I went to wake her up and once I started to get her up it was pretty clear something was wrong. No matter what I did to try to wake her (I even brought her outside in the winter cold to try and jar her awake) the biggest response I could get from her was muffled groan or a drugged cry. We took her to the ER and went through about four hours of blood tests, urine tests, a cat scan and many questions. The first answer they gave us was that she had tested positive for marijuana. Imagine my shock at being told that! Thankfully this was shortly taken out of the equation and we learned that the test they administer is not very specific and what Sage had in her was labeled as marijuana. My mother-in-law has some very strong medication and to respect her privacy I'm not going to go into the details but from what we can guess, Sage swallowed one of them. Bev did remember spilling a bottle the week earlier and she thought she had picked them all up, which, I don't hold against her at all. It was an accident that could have happened anywhere, including our house as well. We will know for sure in a day or two what exactly it was that Sage swallowed when the lab results come back from Mayo.

Once they knew the reason for Sage's behavior, they pumped some charcoal into her stomach and sent her to the pediatric ICU to be observed for the night. I was able to talk to Brent during this which was a great relief and my parents also drove to Fargo that evening and stayed with me through it all. Brent's Dad, Bruce and his wife, Jane, watched Clare for me that night and all day Monday. I stayed with Sage Sunday night and every hour a nurse would come into our room to try and wake her and also to check vitals. They were closely watch her respiration and blood pressure since that is what the drug would have affected but both of these stayed normal. It was truly as if I awoke from a nightmare when at 4:20am I heard Sage say from her bed, "Hi Mommy. Daddy's in the desert."

They kept us there another night because they wanted to do an MRI (that came back fine) and to make sure she was acting like her normal self before they released her.

This has definitely given me a wake up call for myself to educating the girls more about not eating things they find that look like candy and to take more precautions when it comes to removing toxic things from their reach.

I have given a glossed over version of this experience but mainly because I don't want to relive parts of that time and also because the main point is that, praise the Lord, she is going to be fine.

Three Years Old

2008-11-13T20:43:00.000-06:00

Dear Sage,

This Tuesday you turned three. Ugh, it feels like I was just accepting the fact that you had turned two! But to be honest Sage, I'm looking forward to three and happy to say goodbye to two because two did not always bring out the best in you or me. Still, it was fun year with many memories that your Dad and I will smile over for years to come.

Your actual birthday was celebrated over a birthday lunch with your cousins, Kade and Anika. It was a gourmet meal with meat and cheese sandwiches, carrots, pomegranate seeds and cookies that you picked out. We will have an official birthday party this weekend with all the grandparents, Uncle Ehren and Aunt Ester and their family and great, great Aunt Judith.

We threw a pre-birthday party for you while your Dad was home in October so that he could feel like he was a part of your big day. I don't think you minded that too much.

I'm pretty sure it meant a lot to your Dad too.

You definitely had a lot thrown at you this year kiddo. First, we made you give up your "only child" title and become a big sister to baby Clare. We didn't know what to expect the first time you met her--you had always went into territorial pitbull mode any time I held a baby before Clare was born. I now have a memory planted in my heart of you taking your first peek at Clare and giving her a little wave while saying "Hello baby Clare!"

Now the pitbull only comes out when someone else tries to hold Clare.

You endured many long road trips like a pro (and thanks to the help of that ingenious invention of a portable dvd player and a curious monkey named George). You even lasted through a trip with me and Clare to California. Mommy will probably not be flying with you all by myself for a while though.

The biggest challenge by far has been having to say goodbye to your Daddy that you adore with all of your heart and try your hardest to understand why he is far away and has to be gone for so long. One thing you will never have to doubt, little one, is that you have a Dad who loves you more than you'll ever know. You are only three but he is completely wrapped around your little finger.

I can't say that all of this change hasn't had an effect on you. There have been moments of...well...confusion and...um, let's call it frustration. Oh, and it has also made potty training my least favorite parenting job by far!

But in the end you have remained true to who you are. A shy girl who can romp in the mud and dig for bugs with her Daddy one minute...

and dance around as a Mommy's barefoot princess the next.

This week, for the first time, you have started giving me real kisses. Before when we would ask for a kiss, you would present your cheek to us so that we could give you a kiss. But the other day you planted a kiss on my cheek out of no where and I was so shocked and thrilled that I squealed and said "Thank you Sage! That makes Mommy feel so special." You got this little grin on your face and your eyes were shining with pride. I hugged you so tight and for so long without any intentions of letting you go until you said "Mommy stop that." We are so proud of you, Sage, and you never cease to amaze (and humor) us. You are our precious daughter and we love you so very much.
Happy Birthday sweetheart.

Hello From Afghanistan

2008-11-10T13:05:00.000-06:00

I asked Brent to send me an email describing what it is he's doing there because frankly, I wasn't all that clear about it myself. I had a vague idea but not enough to be able to give an intelligible answer to everyone else. So this is the email and I hope, if anything, it gives you a better picture of how to pray for the men serving there.

Thanks for the pictures of bear. I sure miss her. Please send more or put on the blog. She changes so fast! It is weird, I know that she and Sage warm your heart when they do something funny or profound but it makes me sad. I don't really think about what I am missing until I see it and I get sad. There is my little daughter learning to stand. There she is with a smile. Or a story of Sage being shy. Oh Sage, you are our kid. I love the pictures and quotes but I sure wish I could be home.
I know you asked to write about what it is that my job is. Well, I am still learning it but it seems like a combination of things: there are 3 medical providers on our team--a PA, another doc, and me--along with 4 medics. We are in charge of our team of folks on this provincial reconstruction team. So, we provide medical care for around 90 or so people. Not that big of a deal as most are healthy and it is just seeing them now and then. So, that is the easy thing and what we all know how to do it well. Now it comes to the confusing stuff.
We are one "PRT" team charged with trying to help the government show itself to the people. Tough to do when there isn't much of a government. So our engineers try to help the Afghans build their roads or bridges, the civil affairs guys reach out to the community, and the medical folks try to help as well. The group before us were awesome and definitely on the right track. In my humble opinion modern medicine does not help large populations or societies, sure it helps individuals now and then with a heart procedure or something but changing a society's health it doesn't. Simple things do: sanitation, water, immunizations, food, etc. Well, that is what the team before me focused on. They found a way to purify water that is simple to do and cheap. They took a recipe that is helping many malnourished Africans and adapted it to Afghanistan. Instead of using peanuts (none are available here) they use almonds. With some almonds, milk, oil, sugar, etc. they can make high calorie food that helps the kiddo's. Cool. They got approval to have the national government start a midwife program here in Zabul. They also found a way to bring portable clinics to rural areas where their doctors were practicing out of a mud building. So, you ask what we are doing? Basically, it is our charge to keep these programs going. To bring clean water, food, and clinics to other villages. I like this. It is the right direction. There is no point with western medicine here and frankly it does not work and is nonsense to help an individual here or there when hundreds are dying of diarrhea or malnourishment. Does that make sense?
This county is weird. The villages/towns are made of mud. There is no electricity (or little), no running water, no way to heat your mud home except burning wood, and no economy. Yet, next to all this ancient world are a couple old cars, trucks, motorcycles, bikes, pop, and various modern things from Pakistan. Dirty but cute kids line the dirt streets and wave (some throw rocks) as we roll through in our $700,000 armored vehicles. The average Afghan makes $250 per year. The average Afghan lives to 43. The girls you know are growing up to be slaves. The people seem friendly, but yet I don't trust any of them. You pull up to the "hospital" and it is a mess and falling apart. The bathroom is used for storage, the paint is peeling, the walls are sinking, and the entire thing is corrupt. I am sure there are Taliban there and I don't plan on going there much at all. What a weird world.
Do I have much hope for this place? No. It does not come down to medicine, engineers, or reconstruction. It is money. It is the economy. This society does not have an economy that can sustain anything. There are no businesses. There is no employment. There are no roads to get things to market. There is no coastline to ship goods for money. How are these people going to sustain anything by themselves? How after the aid goes dry do they generate anything? How do they get things from the world when they have no money to give and no skills to offer? It just seems that it would be decades before this place gets out of this hole. Maybe I am wrong. Hopefully we will contribute a little good and help some out. It will be an interesting year, but one that I will be thankful is over.

Sun Bear

2008-11-06T21:39:00.000-06:00

I realize that many of these posts are about things that Sage has done or said and very little with the subject being Clare. This is only because Clare doesn't say much beyond her babbling and the majority of her activities involve finding things to put in her mouth. I'm not one of those moms who goes into great detail about the first time their child eats cereal or what shade of red the diaper rash is today. However, if the cereal had been chucked at me after the first feeding or if the diaper rash had actually turned out to be strawberry jam then maybe I might find it blog worthy. Much more important to me is writing about the things that show, even at this young age, their personality. Someday I want the girls to read these ramblings of mine like little treasures kept to bring them back to a time of complete innocence and happiness and also to remind there was a lot of work put in to give them that happiness so they had better come visit us when we're old and decrepit and can't find our teeth.

That being said, this post is for Clare.

Today I walked into my parent's office where you were sitting with Papa and I use the word "sitting" loosely because the truth is you can't sit still; every fiber of your being needs to express whatever it is you are thinking or feeling. When you looked up and saw me, it was as if I was your long lost mother that you had been searching for for many long years and not just the few minutes I had been gone. You squealed and grinned and bounced and waved arms and kicked feet and almost threw yourself into the air at me. Now, I know that you were not at all miserable with Papa and that you had actually had a lovely time with him but, you little sweetheart, you saved your biggest love for me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to describe what that feels like to me but I will tell you this: I will treasure that picture of your joy for me in my heart for the rest of my life. You are such a sweet, happy little girl and you make it impossible for me to stay sad on these days when I miss your Dad so much. We have nicknamed you Bear because of the Care Bears (Clare Bear, Care Bear...you get the picture) but your Dad and I have said that if you are a bear then you are definitely a Sun Bear. You could make the grumpiest person on earth smile.

I know that someday I will not be such a huge thrill for you. I dread those days but it's okay, I know it's all a part of growing up and becoming your own individual. Just know that whenever you come home after being away for some time, you may find me squealing, grinning, bouncing, waving arms, kicking feet and throwing myself at you. I promise though, that I will not suck on your face.

"I'm a Monkey!"

2008-11-02T20:45:00.000-06:00

I finally can start putting pictures back on the blog so of course I'll start with halloween. Sage insisted on being a monkey this year due to her love of Curious George. This year was special because we got to join cousins Kade, Anika and Kason at a community trick-or-treat put on by the Lions Club. She was so excited to go but the minute we stepped into the gym her shy side took over and we spent the entire time there watching people stand in line to play one of the too few games offered. Whoever is putting this thing together needs to sit with some kids for awhile to reassess what fun is exactly for kids because the excitement level of this shindig is floating at a 2...and I'm being nice. We went outside afterwards and made an attempt at taking a group picture of the kids. It was at this point that Clare did some trick-or-treating of her own by taking samples of whatever nature had left for her to grasp. We had many pauses during our photo shoot for me to run and rummage out whatever leaf/stick/acorn she had stuffed in her mouth. After that we headed to great great aunt Judith's who gave both Sage and Clare a quarter. She also tried to pawn off a duck figuring that she had won at a senior citizens event but Sage didn't take her up on the offer. She was planning on not answering the door to any trick-or-treaters except for us and my brother's kids but while we were at her house the doorbell rang. I could tell by her expression that she was a bit flustered and I could hear her muttering under her breath, "I hope there aren't many...I don't have a lot of quarters." She was greeted by SEVEN kids at her door. She came back in and was going to try to think up something to give them (I should have told her to offer the duck) but I'm pretty sure she sent them away empty handed. Oh Judith, you would absolutely love her if you knew her. She's a 90 year old woman with a sharper mind than me. Quite spry as well. When we walked into her living room I sat Clare on the floor and Judith, in one swift move, was sitting on the floor with not a hint as to any ailment she felt on the way down. My one big bummer was that I was so busy chatting with her that I didn't think to get the camera out to take pictures. We'll just have to go visit her again. Maybe I'll bring her a better duck.

After Judith's we headed out to Ehren and Ester's so that they could say they had at least one trick-or-treater (it's a depressing show if you live in the country). Then we headed back to my parents who had had just as sad of a turn out. We are now nibbling frequently on fruit snacks and tootsie rolls...I really like tootsie rolls...

...I went and got a tootsie roll.

Random Conversations

2008-11-01T10:19:00.000-05:00

I have a new goal of trying to write down the cute little things that Sage and Clare say and do since I have no grand illusions of being able to recall them when I'm 70 (let alone two days from now). This first installation of hopefully many knee-slapping funny stories, is a conversation I overheard Sage having with her Nana. I actually first wrote it down in an email to Brent. I hope you enjoy it at least a fraction as much as we did.

Nana: "What are you doing Sage?"
Sage: "I'm a ballerina."

Sage twirls around and around.

Sage: "I'm dancing. Whoa!"
Nana: "You're going to be very dizzy."
Sage: "I'm a crazy dancer ever."
Nana: "You are a crazy dancer!"
Sage: "Crazy dance! Crazy dance!"

Now in Nana's bed.
Sage: "Time to go to bedtime."
Nana: "Are you going to bed now?"
Sage: "...very crabby."
Nana: "Who is crabby?"
Sage: "Everyone is crabby."
Nana: "Everyone is crabby? Hey, speak for yourself! Is mommy crabby?"

No answer.

Phase Two

2008-10-26T20:22:00.000-05:00

One word for the week I just had--whirlwind. After a wonderfully blessed week with Brent, we brought him to the airport and I was forced to let go of his hand and watch him say goodbye to his girls again. I must admit (and he does too) that this parting was easier than the first...maybe because we know what to expect but also because this phase will be much easier for both of us. He will be finished with his miserable training and doing something with a purpose and I and the girls will be living with my parents (insert sigh of relief here). Having Brent home has only made me love him more and truly I feel like being married to him is a luxury. He flew back to NC and will be flying out to Afghanistan in a couple days so please, please please, keep him in your prayers.

An hour after we got back from the airport, my mom showed up to help move me and the girls up to MN. She had just finished up some job training in Sioux Falls, SD with her co-worker, Gayle, so they drove down to Omaha that night and then we hit the road by 9am the next morning. Bless their hearts for putting up with the extra two and a half hours added to an eight hour drive that riding with kids adds. Seriously could not have made that move without the extra room Mom's van offered for all the stuff I had to pack for this trip.

This morning I was officially welcomed back when the coffee I was sipping awakened me enough to realize it was snowing out. Good grief. Sage told me she wanted to go make a snowman but realized she couldn't when she saw that the snow melted on the ground. I assured her there would be plenty of opportunities to play in the snow in just a short time.

We are adjusting and trying to get back to our nights of little or no waking up (by we I mean Sage and Clare). The girls seem to be happy to be at Nana and Papa's and I'm just thrilled to have their company and of course their help. Between here and the many trips I'll make to Fargo to see Brent's parents, I am confident that all lost sanity from the past three months will be restored and the girls will see the return of a much happier mom and delicious, home cooked meals.
Right Mom?

I have many pictures to post but they were all taken on my new fancy, shmancy camera that Brent gave me and I need my brother, Ehren, to help me with the technical stuff and also I have to post them at his place because this connection my parents have is slower than snails. I seriously read a magazine while waiting to get to this page to write my post. We're talking SLLLOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Together Again

2008-10-18T15:00:00.000-05:00

He's home. Thank you Lord, he's home. It may be for just a week but right now I will take any extra minute with Brent that the government gives us. The plan had been that he would fly in last Thursday but they wrapped up training a day early and Brent was able to catch a flight out that day. Of course, he didn't share this change of plan with me so imagine my reaction when on Wednesday night, at around 9pm, I'm sitting on the couch and all of a sudden there is someone pounding on the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. I seriously sat there for a second wondering if I should turn off the lights or what weapon of choice I should take with me if I decided to approach the masked murderer waiting on our deck--a set of wooden blocks to chuck at him or a broom. When I finally got the nerve to see who the stalker was, there was Brent looking through the glass with a big grin on his face. Best surprise of my life so far.

Sage woke up that night which I'm sure he was happy about and when he went into her room with me she just stared quietly at him. We tucked her in but then fifteen minutes later she was crying again so this time I went into her room by myself. Fifteen minutes after I leave her she's crying again so this time Brent goes in there. He told me that the whole time he was in there she just kept saying "Hi Daddy, I missed you." After he left that time she slept through the rest of the night.

All concerns as to what the girls reaction to seeing their Dad after his absence of 2 1/2 months were washed away our first morning together. Even Clare, who was just 6 months when Brent left, was visibly thrilled to see her Daddy. That was the biggest surprise to me since she is very much a mama's girl. After coming home from a date the other evening, I woke her up to nurse her and I had a very hard time keeping her attention because she wanted talk to Daddy the whole time and throw him her best grins. I'm just so thankful that the girls are literally goo-goo over their Dad, it must help his heart a bit to know before he head's off to Afghanistan that he's loved this much.

As for me, I am so, so happy right now and I know this sounds a little funny, but I feel so incredibly relaxed. It's like I've been walking around tense, ready for the cry, the meltdown, the potty accidents, the stuff going into a curious mouth that shouldn't and the possibility of worst case scenarios. There is a thought in the back of my mind reminding me that he is going again but for now, let's not think about that. I just want to soak him up over the next few days and enjoy our family the way it is suppose to be--together.

Dr. Doolittle

2008-10-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

There was a movie I related to more than any other when I was growing up: Dr. Doolittle. I'm talking about the one made in 1967 with Rex Harrison. I truly believed that this extraordinary ability to be able to talk to animals and understand them had only been given to Dr. Doolittle and myself.

With no fear I could approach an animal and feel out whether the creature was a shy sort or the more assertive, happy-go-lucky type.

I would know just the right softness to put in my voice to make the wildest of beasts melt at my gentleness.

Every gesture made was in tune to what the animal needed to hear to know that I was a friend, not foe.

Once trust was established, I knew I had made a friend for life...or at least until they were either sent to the butcher or run down on the highway.

My world was surreal and cheery as I lived in harmonious communication with the animals around me (unlike Dr. Doolittle though, I would not extend into the insect realm...on a farm that possibility was way too gross). Yes, just me standing in the gap between the misunderstood hairy beings and the rest of the human population.

That is, until the cow kicked me, the dog bit me and the cat used me as a scratching post. I don't plan on cluing Sage in on the truth, she'll figure it out on her own.

Back from the Golden State

2008-10-08T21:02:00.000-05:00

I did it. Chalk one up in the victory box for me. I survived a trip to California, traveling with with the girls by myself. An understatement would be to say that it was a challenging trip but for sure it was so worth it. My friend Amy is living in the same difficult world right now as her husband Mike, who is also a family physician, is deployed to Afghanistan. She has twin three year old girls, Katie and Jessica, and graciously opened up her home to us to come visit and to give her and I a chance to catch up and offer support to each other. It's hard to truly be honest with people when they ask how your doing because this situation so completely and thoroughly rocks your life that your left feeling like very few truly can offer the support you need. So it was in many ways healing to be able to talk to someone who gets it and understands why exactly this is so hard. I asked a lot of Sage and Clare, especially Sage, to fly to CA, adjust to a two hour time change, go do activities while they were tired from lack of sleep and to do this all the while getting to know two friendly three year old girls and their Mom. While I'm writing this it's starting to make sense why there were so many meltdowns from Sage! When she's like that though, it does add to my stress but I don't regret any part of this trip at all because I really feel that she needs to be stretched sometimes to learn how to adapt outside of our little world here.

Overall, I'm so glad I went. Amy is an amazing host and is one of those people with the gift of totally making you feel at home in their house. I loved our late night chats after the girls were in bed and I'm so thankful God put the idea in our hearts to do this now. Speaking for myself, I needed this time to regroup and to really know that I'm not alone in this and I can't thank Amy enough for giving that to me.

Here are some highlights from the trip--unfortunately there aren't many pics and I'm so bummed to not to have a picture of Amy with Katie and Jessica but check out her blog if you want to see more. Warning! Her blog is so entertaining that you WILL become addicted.

http://www.mikeamykatiejessica.blogspot.com/

The Embrace of Everything Girly

2008-09-28T08:53:00.000-05:00

I have a confession, I bought a Cinderella/Barbie type doll for Sage yesterday with no prompting at all on her part in an effort to steer her away (just a bit) from bugs. I was sharing with my mom yesterday morning about the little apple picking adventure I took the girls on and how Sage had spent most of the time digging worms out of the most rotten apples and examining them as they crawled around her fingers. GROSS! At least that was my thought but of course I love her curiosity so I have to be all "Isn't that fascinating Sage? A slimy, squishy worm that seems to love slithering all over you!" And then yesterday, while I was trimming the bushes that had taken on jungle size proportions, she was in the midst of it looking for bugs and eventually pretending that the fuzzy ends of weeds were caterpillars. So I have decided that it would be in my own selfish, I-don't-want-to-be-grossed-out interest to introduce her to a new world of fun. And what is more fun than a Cinderella doll complete with sparkles, a skirt you can take off and even a crown? Even better, this is a bath time Cinderella with a little watering can and a Gus mouse that squirts water out of the little soap bar he's holding. Let me tell you, once I saw that Sage could play in the water with this doll, I knew I had a winner and a reprieve from catching grasshoppers.

So far my master plan is working and all last evening and this morning Cinderella has had a break from all her chores and has been in sheer luxury at the Sage Spa Resort. Best of all, there was not a worm in sight.

We're Still Alive

2008-09-25T14:09:00.000-05:00

Jane called me this morning because she was worried about us since I hadn't posted anything for a week. We're okay, I'm just exhausted. I have a new found respect for single parents and right now I can't wait to head up to my parents. God is good and He'll get us through this but that doesn't mean it's going to be without struggle. Let's just leave it at that.

On a brighter note, I just finished a parenting book called Negotiation Generation. It took a long time to get through this book as the writer seems to enjoy reviewing her points over and over until you are repeating them in your sleep. She believes that parents today over talk to their children about rules (or "fences" as she terms them) until it becomes a negotiation and power struggle with the child. Her plan is for you to be a proactive parent and let your child know your expectations for their behavior and the action that will be taken for misbehavior, before conflicts arrive. Then if the child disobeys, the parent no longer talks but in a respectful way will physically remind the child what is expected. Here's an example from the book: Mike is three year old who has a hard time sitting long enough to eat his meals and is lately using his hands to eat instead of utensils. Before dinner his mom says "Mike, at dinner you'll need to use utensils for eating and you'll eat sitting in your chair. If you forget, I will remind you." The meal starts and after ten minutes Mike picks up his chicken with his fingers; his mom hands him a fork. When he gets out of his chair, his mom returns him to the table. She may have to do this many times for many days but over time the consistency of the action she takes to show him what she expects will enable him to learn his mealtime "fence." There is obviously more to the book than this or else I would have given up reading it weeks ago but that is the main idea behind the book.

So armed with my new parenting skills I have been trying to implement this theory with Sage and for the most part, it's been pretty effective. There is just one problem that I've run into and that is what do you do when the conflict wasn't predicted and you find yourself in the middle of a meltdown? Get ready because I sooooo have an example for you.

Last week we went to the library. It had been a very long time since I had taken Sage to the library but thanks to the book "Curious George and the Library," I felt pretty confident that the expectations I had for Sage were all laid out and clear. She could pick out up to five books, one dvd and we had to use our quiet voices at all times while in the library. As we walk through the doors she sees it; the fish tank. Excitement overtakes her as she runs over to get acquainted with the "silly fish" until her hopes of enjoying them all to herself are dashed when two strange children have the audacity to run to the fish tank before her and steal away the fish's attention. It was then that I started to watch all my proactive parenting unravel. When my sweet little cherub started charging at the two children yelling "THAT'S MY FISH!" I quickly--without a word of course--grabbed her hand, did a quick u-turn and headed back to the door. Here's where my confusion comes in.
1) Was I suppose to predict there would be a fish tank and that Sage would freak out? I can't really leave the girls in the car to go scope out the situation. Maybe I was suppose to call ahead and ask if there was anything in the library that might spark an irrational territorial response in an almost three year old.
2) Am I still suppose to keep to the "no talking in the midst of a conflict" rule when I never laid out my expectations for fish tank in a library behavior beforehand?
3) Should I talk to her about the fish behavior but use the "no talking" rule for the "we do not use our loud voice in a library" fence that she is so clearly violating?

I decided, in my state of sheer panic, to stick with all show and no tell. I figured my best route would be sign language so I dug into my signing wealth of knowledge from the handy Baby Signing Time videos. Let's see...Fish--put hands together and make a swimming motion...are for--hold up four fingers...everyone--make one broad swoop of hand (I figured that by including everyone and not just the two kids I was being proactive)...no--shake head...screaming--make a lion-is-roaring face.
By this point I think Sage was crying more at my scary lion face than anything else so I decided to throw caution in the wind and got down at eye level and said in my very serious voice "Sage, you need to stop crying. The fish are not yours, they are for everyone. You can go look at the fish but if you can't be nice to the other kids then you need to stay with me. Let's go in and find some fun books to bring home." That seemed to work for a little bit and then it was like she wanted to try to claim the fish again so I put my hand on her shoulder and said "No more." After that she was fine. We got three books and a dvd and headed home. I think the biggest lesson I'm going to keep from this book is this: know your kid enough to know how they'll listen and learn in a way that's best for them.

Nobody Loves You Like Your Grandparents

2008-09-18T20:48:00.000-05:00

My Mom's side of the family, the Johnson's, are perpetual teasers. I must say that when in their company, I fall right into the ranks with them. I'm not sure but this may have come from my Grandpa. He and my Grandma would babysit me when I was little and even at a young age I understood the game that was being played between him and me and teased him right back. At least, that's what I've been told. Sadly, he died when I was five and my memories of him are only a few. I know that he must have been special to me because after he died I found a big rock in the ground under the canopy of a pine tree and designated it as his tombstone. For years I would crawl under that tree and sit by that rock, just wanting to feel close to him. I'm sure I could find that rock to this very day.

Our girls are so blessed to have five grandparents who love them so completely and unconditionally and it brings such joy to Brent and I each time we watch them love on our kids. This last weekend when Bruce and Jane were here and their visit was a welcomed respite to our sometimes unbelievably long days. It was absolutely hilarious to watch Sage make an egg bake with Grandma Jane, amusing Jane with her exclamations of "I just so happy to eat!" And I love it that Bruce took Sage to the zoo the next day and spent what I'm sure was an obscene amount of time at the bird exhibit just so that she could experience the birds landing on her. We met up with them later at the hotel where he and Sage hopped back and forth from the hot tub into the pool until I had to practically pull the two of them out of the water just so I could get the girls home to bed. Even Clare, who is pretty much a Mommy's girl right now, was even getting a kick out of her grandparents.

Their visit really got me thinking about all the wonderful things I missed out on when I lost my Grandpa at such a young age. Not to get too morbid but this has led me to a plea I have for you, Bruce, Jane, Mark and Audrey (and Bev, but I'll have to verbally ask her because she doesn't have internet); please, I beg you, take care of yourselves and do whatever you have to do to be around for these girls and all the rest of your grandchildren for as long as possible. I want them to know for themselves the very special relationship they have with each of their grandparents and not just what others have told them. Thank you for loving them the way you do, I don't think I could ever tell you how much it means to us but then again, you are parents yourself and probably already understand.

Meet Our New Neighbor

2008-09-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

Last week I looked outside and saw a little rabbit taking a nap in our front yard. A few hours later he was still in that same spot. I finally saw him hop from his cozy bed that evening when a hawk swooped down trying to snatch him up. The next day there he (or she...I have no way of knowing) lay in the exact same spot only this time in the pouring rain. It rained again the next day and again, there was the rabbit.

There he sat in the cold, cold rain.

As they gathered from far and near to see the strange rabbit who would brave such torrential weather.

I had a brief, horrible thought that maybe this rabbit had chosen his final resting place and was awaiting a peaceful passage. Disposing of a dead rabbit is definitely not something I want on my to-do list right now. So of course I charged at the rabbit in the middle of the thunderstorm to make sure there was a some life left in him and all my fears were laid to rest when he took off like a...well, like a rabbit.

So after explaining to Sage that no, we weren't going to play in the rain, Mommy just lost her mind for a second, the rabbit returned and we went back to our watch posts and were even joined by our cat, Madjka.

Have I told you about Madjka?

He weighs three more pounds than our seven month old daughter.

You would think Clare would be a bit intimidated but the enormous furball only seems to fascinate her.

Back to the rabbit. This is a picture of him today, still hanging out in our front yard and, thankfully, still has plenty of bounce in his hop. I don't know why he's chosen to spend his days here, being ogled by a curious two year old but I'm going to choose to believe that he's here to give us something to look forward to every day as we run to the front door to see if our new neighbor is home.

The Big Reveal

2008-09-15T13:01:00.000-05:00

When Brynn moved out over a month ago I decided to make her old room into Clare's room. I was totally hating the green we had put in Clare's room so this was a good excuse to redo the nursery. Not to mention her room would now be further down the hall and a closet would be separating her from Sage's room. Brent's step mom, Jane, made these beautiful curtains so I was searching for an idea that would work with them (something modern and still little girl) and I found it in last month's issue of Parenting magazine. When Bruce and Jane visited this weekend they put the final touch to the room by hanging the curtains for me. Brent knew I was doing something in that room but I did not give him any clues as to what so this is the big reveal for him too. I'm totally happy with it and even though it probably took about 15 hours total to do, I would definitely do it again.

A Great Gift Idea

2008-09-11T09:34:00.000-05:00

In my need to sometimes rush time a bit, I'm beginning to think about Christmas and I was going through my list of ideas I keep when I see something in a magazine or online that would seem like a great gift. I love to give gifts that are personal and meaningful and this one I've held onto a couple of years now because I think it's absolutely brilliant. You can send a picture of a house and this company will hand paint it onto an ornament for $30. I love this so much that I plan on getting one done for every house we live in. The website has a ton of other really great ideas, this one just tops my list. Anyway, check it out at http://www.personalcreations.com/shop/product.asp?product_code=3793&world_code=1&category_code=302&subcategory_code=3034&search_type=subcategory#

Bundle Up!

2008-09-09T13:32:00.000-05:00

It has been uncharacteristically cold here in Omaha this past week and I'm LOVING it. There is that nice, crisp autumn briskness to the air that I look forward to every year. Fall is, hands down, my favorite season. To me fall is sitting by a fire in my cozy, chocolate brown sweater and sipping a cup of hot apple cider as the leaves slowly float to the ground around me. I always conveniently forget that all those gorgeous crimson and burnt orange leaves are going to have to be raked.

To be honest though, what I love the most is the clothes. All the cheesy summer clothes that always end up grimy after a sweltering hot day, are traded in for new duds that are effortlessly fabulous with an air of sophistication to them--that is, most clothes leave this impression except the sweaters with leaves and apples sewn on them. Ladies you know who you are, please stop wearing them. It is not necessary to attach felt leaves to you clothes to make them suitable for fall.

Back to the weather. The temperature has been dipping in the evening so in the spirit of Sage's book "Apple Tree Christmas," (Don't get me started on how it's possible to pick apples to hang on your CHRISTMAS tree) in which a terrible blizzard comes and the family that lives above a barn needs to bundle up the two girls and make a bed for them under the kitchen table next to the wood stove because it could drop to forty below, I too prepare the girls for the cold nights ahead in which I refuse to turn the heat on for. Yes, we will survive the frigid night the same way the Ansterburgs did except our nights will be in an actual house and not a barn...and it isn't quite a blizzard that we're experiencing...oh dear, I don't have a wood stove, just a gas fireplace and Sage might squash Clare if I lay them down together...however, I did rush out to buy them some thermal pajamas and I did make quite a show at bundling them up! That's right, for two nights we braved the cold until night three when the girls started waking up because of the constant chatter of their teeth and I was forced to turn the heat on. Well, maybe my great inspiration from "Apple Tree Christmas" will be to go pick apples with the girls this week and then bake dozens of apple pies in my wood stove...oh wait.

To Love And To Cherish

2008-09-07T09:23:00.000-05:00

Brace yourselves, this blog is a bit mushy.

Six years ago I made the best decision of my life; I married Brent. Since then our marriage has grown into something that we both treasure and protect. There is a long story on what it took for us to get to the point of marriage that maybe I'll write about some other day but today I just want to say that I really love this man. Seriously, he is an amazing guy and I keep trying to figure out what I did that was so great to deserve him. He's brilliant and yet so humble you would never know just how smart he is. Everything about him is true to who he is, his words, his actions--there is no pretense, just honesty. He is not one to lavish on me or spew out romance constantly but there are words and letters (oh, he writes the most beautiful letters) spoken from the heart and I never have to question if he really means it or is he just saying it.
I use to work at a tv station that aired the Dr. Phil show and I would have to watch it and there was one thing that Dr. Phil said that I've never forgotten. He talked about how a husband should always aim to treat his wife in such a way that if she walked into a room filled with hundreds of other women she would feel that no one there was as loved and respected by their husbands as she was. The room could be filled with thousands of women and I know this would be true for me. And honestly, it just makes me want to love and respect him more.
You'd think I would be really sad that we can't be together this year on our anniversary but you know, I'm really okay with it. The doorbell rang yesterday and when I opened it all I saw was this enormous bouquet of flowers with legs at the bottom of it. Right after I brought them in the house Brent called and then we were able to chat online and see each other with our webcams. It wasn't a candlelight dinner at a fancy restaurant but it was still wonderful. However, I do hope this is the last anniversary that we spend apart.

Love this!

2008-09-02T21:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, here's my new item that is regularly thrown into the grocery cart. It's Breyer's fat free double churned ice cream--specifically the mint fudge. It's wonderfully creamy and only 100 calories per serving. You would never guess it's fat free. I love to find desserts that are low cal and low fat and still taste like a wonderful treat. You can enjoy a bowl of ice cream with no regrets and no thoughts of how this will cost you a few miles on the treadmill. My wonderful in-laws (who also read this blog) were just here and are usually less than thrilled at being offered something labeled fat free, however, they are doing really well on their new health kick and were willing to try it and from what I saw they were surprised at how delicious it was. That, or they were being super nice in my delicate case of being one step away from losing my SANITY! Anyway, if you have Breyer's ice cream where you live, try it and let me know what you think.

She Cracks Me Up

2008-09-02T20:42:00.000-05:00

Since Brent has been gone Sage has been dealing with his abscence in different ways. At first she would pucker up her lips and say at the most random moments "I miss Daddy." Then she would sit with the video he made of himself reading stories to her and she would grab whatever book he was reading and read along with him--that is, she would read the story at her own pace, often reading one book as he goes through three others. Then she started to take a liking to a bear that when you squeeze the paw you'll hear Brent telling Sage he loves and misses her and so on. So she squeezes the paw and as soon as she hears his voice she holds the bear up to her face and yells "I love you Daddy. I miss you." That one still chokes me up every time she does it.

The other day she was playing with the money from her piggy bank when I grabbed a dime and asked her who the man on it was. She studies it for a few seconds and then very seriously says "It's Daddy." To which I, barely holding in the laughter, respond "that's Daddy?" She brings it up so close to her face that she's looking at it cross-eyed. "Yes...it's Daddy."

Personally, I don't really see the resemblance between FDR and Brent but hey, if it makes her feel closer to her Daddy, then move over FDR!

He Restores Me

2008-08-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. Don't worry, I'm not going to sit hear and boo-hoo to you. I just need to tell everyone that going solo with the girls day after day is exhausting. The good news is that for the last week Clare has slept through the night (thank you Lord!) and then one of them usually wakes up at about 6am. However, I'm beginning to think that tiredness has more to do with the little amount of time that I get to myself. Most days their naps end up staggered and so that leaves me with about an hour to myself at night before I head to bed. That hour is very precious to me.

So that brings me to tonight. I got a babysitter because tonight was the MOPS (Mothers of preschoolers) open house and I had thought it would be a good idea to join. Everyone says that it's good to commiserate with other Moms', right? This group meets in once a month in the evenings and then I think they also organize some playgroups. As this afternoon hit and let's just say that someone must have THROWN herself off the wrong side of the bed after her nap and was determined to make it known to the rest of the people in this house, I started to dread an evening surrounded by moms talking about their perky little children. All of a sudden the idea of me joining MOPS just sounded ludicrous to me. If there is one thing I know about myself it's that when I'm stressed, my true introverted side of me comes out and I just need to be by myself to recoup. So when Erin showed up to babysit I told her I was heading to Borders bookstore for the evening.

Ahhhh.

It's like getting a brain massage.

Here's the frosting of my evening; I'm walking through the aisles, still feeling pretty sorry for myself, which then annoys me that I have such a bad attitude so I start asking God to help me and to strengthen me. Literally two seconds after my quick prayer, my eye catches the name of my most beloved author, Corrie Ten Boom. If you've never read her book "The Hiding Place," please do. It's an amazing story of her survival during WWII after her family was arrested for hiding Jews and then the life she led after she was released. Just seeing her name brought tears to my eyes because the way she lived her life and just gave all of herself to God has inspired me more than I can describe since I first read "The Hiding Place" in junior high. Next to that book I saw her name with a title I'd never heard before, "I Stand At The Door And Knock." It's a book with forty never-before-published devotions that she wrote. This book was just published this year even though she died in 1983. I can't even tell you what this is for me except that there are tears running down my face right now. I feel like tonight God stepped in and did something for me that Brent would have done if he were here. It's almost like He said "Oh, she could use some cheering up. Let's show her this book, it will make her happy." It wouldn't have surprised me if I had found a bow on it! There is so much in this world that I don't know, or understand, or can begin to comprehend but what I know for certain is that God loves so completely and tenderly--we have all but to ask and He's there to show us how great He loves.

A Pat From Me to You

2008-08-24T21:02:00.000-05:00

Where I grew up in the north country, people are...shall we say...reserved. It is best to not show too much emotion lest the neighbors fear the cold has truly gotten to you and you end up at the next high school hockey game sitting by yourself...

alone...

stuck to your frozen chair...

just little ol' you sitting all lonely in your neon green Artic Cat coat and those pants called "russels" that, seriously people, went out of style 20 years ago. All this because at the last game you decided to get frisky and give a round of hugs when the Prowlers scored a goal. Hugging? What were you thinking?

No, up north we have what is called the "pat." It's a one handed staccato like tap on the back and it is performed when saying "hello" or "goodbye," in consoling someone or in celebratory fashion. It is also the most acceptable public display of affection. You can show emotion on your face but be careful to not overdo it, you might scare the person. You are also allowed to vary the tempo of the pat to your own liking. When Brent first met my parents it did not take long for him to catch on to our sacred tradition of the pat and he is now able to understand the true love that is shown to him every time we visit. He is, unfortunately, still a little too exuberant in his patting technique.

Imagine my glee when this week while carrying Clare around she started giving me a pat. It started out as just a couple on my arm but today it was continuous patting on my shoulder almost every time I held her. She had just the right amount of expression too, I could fully understand the meaning of her pat as if she was saying, "I love you Mom and I really appreciate all the diapers you've changed and the hours we've spent together during milk time. Thank you too for the pureed food. Those peaches you made were something else." Oh thank you Lord that you've put some good Norwegian understanding in that head of hers!

My Little Bird

2008-08-22T14:09:00.000-05:00

I just had to show you this. My little Clare is little indeed. She'll be seven months next week and right now she weighs just over 14 lbs. However, don't think for one minute that she's not a good eater. No siree! This is the pose I get before I can even get the spoon back in the bowl to refill it. I thought you might get a kick out of it.

Out and About

2008-08-18T20:47:00.000-05:00

The girls and I have been couped up in the house a lot the last few days and this afternoon the effects were starting to take a toll on us. I knew it was time to get out when I started quoting lines from Sage's book Bad Dog Marley like, "I can't take it anymore!" So I took Sage and Clare to a peaceful place where you can sit on rocks and watch as water trickles down into a quiet pond. Oh the peace that flowed over me as we stood there in front of the water, with Pottery Barn on my right and White House Black Market just down the hall. Whoever came up with putting a pond in the middle of this mall was a genius. You can totally trick your kid into thinking this is a fun field trip for them but really this is about you getting away from the toys that seem to multiply on their own, the messes that never go away and the Easter in the Garden book that was so poorly written but you have to keep reading it out of fear that saying no might turn your child away from reading for the REST OF THEIR LIVES!

Sorry about that, I only had one cup of coffee today.

Let me just clarify one thing: I'm not a big spender. I can spend hours going from store to store and not buy one thing and be completely content with the experience. For me, I think it's more about just looking at something fresh and new--along with the possibility of finding something utterly wonderful at such a great discount and getting to tell Brent how much money I saved so that he should have to practically thank me for buying it.

One note I have to make, on the way in I noticed some construction for a new store going on and when I looked to see what store it would be, it literally took my breath away. Anthropologie.
YEAAAAA! (Brent just read this and is right now saying "Oh no!") This is my favorite store ever and it's now coming to Omaha. I can hardly contain myself!

Okay, back to our day. So after the mall we headed across the road to what I believe is an oasis in the pesticide ridden, bland produce we eat these days, Whole Foods. The food is so wonderful there that it actually makes me feel giddy just to look at it. It seems to also have the same affect on Sage and Clare as well. Sage ate tons of broccoli exclaiming "this is so delicious!" and Clare was smiling and bouncing around as happy as could be...oh wait, she's always like that. Well anyway, after we had our dinner there we headed to the produce section so I could get some fruits and veggies to puree for Clare. Sage saw a stack of nectarines and took off running to them yelling "I love apples!" I wasn't planning on getting any "apples" so I kept going but when I turned around to call for Sage I saw something that has put a resolve in me to get her out more. The girl was licking the nectarines. That's right, tongue sticking out, going from one to the next, in between saying "Mmm, I LOVE apples." Mortified, I ran back and quickly got her to stop, telling her that licking nectarines...I mean apples...oh whatever, is NOT something we do in public. Then I tried to bag up as many wet nectarines that I could find.

I probably just taught her that if she wants something at the store all she has to do is lick it up real good.

"I feel the need, the need for speed." (name that movie)

2008-08-16T17:22:00.000-05:00

After surviving the countertop episode (yes, I did finally get my faucet hooked up), I have been enjoying the cool beauty of my new kitchen while I listen to the soft buzzing...no, make that a loud buzzing...no, make that a sonic boom of yet another fighter jet flying over our house. Oh joy, it's once again the annual Airforce Airshow. Now, I know there are some of you enthusiasts that would be thrilled to be here watching plane after plane, all day long, dawn until dusk but I must admit I'm growing a bit tired of it.

I'm talking plane...

after plane...

AFTER AIRPLANE!!

While some of us have important work to get done,

there are small, fast planes,

big, fast planes

even multiple fast planes zipping by.

While there are those who certainly enjoy the thrill, others just don't have time for such silliness.

This is Nuts!

2008-08-13T13:27:00.000-05:00

A month ago Brent and I decided to put in granite counter tops (yea!) and the earliest they could get them installed was going to be August 6th. During that time they came out for estimates and then to measure and the counters had to be completely bare so we tossed everything onto the dining room table and leave it all there figuring it would have to get moved again anyway. August 6th is approaching and Premiere Countertops (the company installing our much anticipated counter tops) calls and says they are running behind and could they reschedule for the 7th? Ya, sure a betcha, no problem. Mom will be visiting, won't that be fun to show her...until they call the week of and tell me they are still running behind and could they reschedule for Monday afternoon. Grrr, I guess Mom will have to wait. Monday afternoon arrives my counter tops are bare, cabinets empty, drawers pulled out and I'm herding Sage away from what she believes to be the best kitchen playset ever made available when they call Brent in North Carolina (why they called him I'm not sure) and guess what...that's right, can you believe they are still behind? At this point Brent rails into them about the inconvenience they have been (go get 'em tiger!) and how dare they do this to a woman who is at home with a toddler and a baby while her husband is deployed (at-a-boy!). So when they call me with their tails tucked between their legs, we decide on Wednesday at 9am.

Here's is how today went and I'm not kidding you, this all really happened:

8:00am--two kind gentlemen (whom I will now refer to as tall guy and short guy) show up an hour before we had agreed upon but because my girls are still faithfully getting up at the crack of dawn, I'm properly dressed and I've finished nursing. Whew! Then I realized that the kitchen drawers need to get pulled out which after I tell them it will take me a minute, they had the audacity to give me an annoyed look! But because I had been through the drill a number of times before, I was able to finish the task in a new Olympic record time of 56.021 seconds and before they came back in with all their equipment. MmHmm...that's right, you can just put that annoyed look right back into your tool box.

9:11am--Old counter tops are out, and in preservation in the garage to be transferred to the duck shack next fall. New ones coming in. Yippee!

9:34am--Call plumber to firm up a time for them to come and hook up the faucet and garbage disposal. I get connected with Lisa in plumbing and enjoy a friendly business chat with her. She must sense my giddiness over the excitement of the day.

9:43am--Get a shout from tall guy, "Hey miss, can I show you something?" That's never a good question. Go upstairs and outside with them where short guy is standing with a sorry look on his face and I may be wrong but possibly some fear too. They show me that when they were taking the clamps off a piece of granite the size of a marble chipped off. There are four counter top pieces total and which one do you think got chipped...of course the one with the sink. Here's the stinker, we do not have shut off valves for the faucet and therefore the entire water supply to the house had to be shut off. They tell me they can get a new slab cut and in by tomorrow but in my head I'm seeing a picture of a two year old and a sixth month old and all I can think is, "no water...No Water....NO WATER!!!"

9:52am--Sage appears from coloring (much to the amusement of tall guy and short guy) with a green mustache and arms that Rainbow Bright would have been proud of. Thankfully they are washable and I use a container of wipes to clean her up.

9:58am--Call the plumbing people and once again get Lisa to whom I blabber on and on about no water to and bless her, she somehow understands what I'm trying to convey to her and arranges the plumber to come to our house to install shut off valves instead.

10:40am--Tall guy and short guy finish the slabs that haven't broke and short guy, still looking quite sorry, blubbers something about being afraid of what the owner will say.

11:30am--Of course, the one time Sage would ask for water with her lunch would be today.

11:56am--Dishwasher topples forward and narrowly misses Sage due to not being attached to a counter.

1:18pm--Countertop owner calls and says they have dropped everything to get our slab cut and installed today. Good grief Brent, what did you say to them?

1:21pm--Call the plumber people, talk to my new best friend Lisa and tell her to put a halt to the plans and arrange to have them come at 4:30pm to install the faucet and garbage disposal.

1:48pm--Sage woke up from her nap and had a huge accident, completely soaking her favorite blanket and sheets. Deep breaths...it's okay, I'll wash them tonight before she goes to bed.

2:22pm--For once I'm happy this house has four bathrooms.

3:45pm--Tall guy and short guy are back with the new counter top and get installed in less than an hour. Yea!

4:19pm--Sage is asking for water again. I also just found what I thought was an abnormal skin tag on Clare's face but then realized it was just caked on baby cereal.

5:10pm--Plumber guy shows up and as we walk over to the sink he says "Oh, they didn't tell me I was hooking up a faucet and disposal. I just thought I was fixing a garbage disposal." Lisa, WE'RE THROUGH! At this point his sources for getting the parts he needs are closed so he ends up installing shut off valves. We go over the estimate for the hook ups and it's clear that if I go buy some parts myself, we can save a good deal of money. So we agree for him to come over in the morning to set it up.

6:10pm--After supper and enjoying the wonderful feeling of getting to wipe my kids faces clean, we head to Menards. Great, there's an accident, I'm stuck in traffic. I'm not kidding you there were two police cars, three ambulances and one fire truck at the scene.

7:00pm--Get back from Menards and start getting the kids ready for bed upon which I realize Sage's blanket and sheets have not been washed. I quickly put different sheets on her bed and when I tucked her in I put a different blanket on her and shoved her gross blanket to the end of the bed. Thankfully she didn't catch on.

7:49pm--Countertop owner guy calls to make sure I'm pleased with how they went out of their way to get the counter installed today. Seriously?!

I documented the progress today. No, there isn't a backsplash right now but I'm working on it.

I know this is a grainy picture but I was getting too much reflection with a flash. This is what they finished.

This is what wasn't finished

Semi-finished.

Can you tell what's missing?

She Did It!

2008-08-10T20:28:00.000-05:00

She made it down the aisle! I wish so badly that I could have watched her but I was busy playing some music for her to walk to. From what my Mom said, (thanks again Mom, things would not have gone so great if you hadn't been there) she started out and then Mom took off to go meet her up front but Sage kinda stalled until a very kind usher walked with her a little ways and then let her go on her own. About a third of the way to go she stopped and realized she was completely on her own so she squeezed her eyes as closed until she could only see out very small slits and went the rest of the way down the aisle as if thinking "if I close my eyes nobody will see me." Nana was there to greet her and then I joined them to sit during the ceremony while Sage enjoyed her jelly belly beans she had been promised as a reward.

Oh my little Sage, I was so proud of you today. You are wonderful just the way you are--a tough little girl who will brave it out and be herself no matter what. Thank you for singing your little songs while I played after the ceremony, your sweet La, La's are the most beautiful melodies I've ever heard.

It was a beautiful day with a beautiful bride and groom but what I will treasure in my heart is the memory of my little flower princess dancing barefoot to her own song.

Flower Princess

2008-08-09T09:08:00.000-05:00

We've had a young lady, Brynn, living with us this past year. She was our babysitter who after graduating from high school, came to live with us while she went to college. We've shared a lot together this past year, including her engagement to Chris last Thanksgiving. Today is their wedding day and the crazy level has gone up yet another bar around here.
Sage is their flower girl, or as we refer to it--her "flower princess," and I am playing the piano. The piano playing poses a dilemma in how to get Sage down the aisle without screaming for dear life. So, who do you call when there is a problem to be solved? SUPER MOM AUDREY to the rescue. Do you want to know why she's super mom? I'll tell you anyway. Somewhere down the road she forgot that Sage was the flower girl and just knew that I was playing the piano in the wedding so she figured I was asking her to come babysit and to be a support for me since I would probably be an emotional wreck with Brent being gone only a week. Let me clarify that she drove eight hours by herself to babysit. My dad questioned her before she left, "Can't she find a babysitter?" but no, in my mom's mind her daughter needed her so grabbed her super hero power drink called "coffee" and jumped in her mighty mobile called "the minivan" and sped...well kinda sped down the road to not waste too much gas with the prices so high.

Excuse me while I have a good laugh...

Okay, I'm back. So now my mom has remembered her role in coming here was to help Sage make it down the aisle. Brent and I were quite skeptical as to whether or not Sage would do it but after the rehearsal last night there is a possibility that she might actually go through with it. We refer to Sage as "slow to warm" and not usually liking to be in the center of attention but last night she was out to prove me wrong. The girl was actually doing a funky dance around the stage while the ceremony was rehearsed. She's pretty excited about getting carry a basket of fake petals around and as long as it helps I will go along and pretend that is the coolest princess job ever invented. The funniest moment for me came when mom and Sage were sitting in the middle of the sanctuary and I was at the piano while the pastor was talking to the bridal party and Sage starts yelling in her sweet voice "HI MOMMY! I LOOOVE YOU!"

I'll let you know how the wedding goes.

Would This Work?

2008-08-06T21:44:00.000-05:00

Sage, Clare and I got up bright and early this morning to meet friends...oh wait, we get up not too bright cause the sun's not quite up and way too early every morning (seriously, when do kids start sleeping in?)...anyway, to meet some friends at the Henry Doorly Zoo. It's a fabulous zoo and we hang out there a lot. So one of the things the kids really enjoyed today was this giant spider web they can play on. As I stood there trying look utterly amused by my child when really I was using every ounce of my body to keep my eyes open, I suddenly saw a real potential with this whole spider web play thing. Wouldn't it be great if it actually worked like a spider web--minus the whole spider bagging them up and sucking the life out of them part, of course. Let's say you had to go grocery shopping, you put them on the web on your way in telling them it's a fun place for them to play but little do they know their little butts won't be getting off until you're on way out.

Just plop them on there.

This is close but how do you convince your child it's fun?

Are you seeing it? I'm thinking pretty genious if you ask me.

Good grief,

I'm tired.

I have to go to bed.

It's Okay, Try Again

2008-08-04T21:05:00.000-05:00

We're in the midst of potty training Sage right now. Yeah, I know...FUN! So during our trip we pretty much got lazy, strapped a diaper on her and didn't push too hard for potty breaks. So today I knew I had to step it up and go full force with training pants once again. For those of you who aren't too familiar with Sage, one of her personality quirks that we adore is that she practices self-therapy. For example, before Clare was born she would freak out if she saw me holding someones baby so we would tell her "it's okay Sage, you're fine." So after awhile when I would again get caught by her holding another baby she would start chanting "I fine...I Fine...I FINE!"
Back to potty training. I've read that when kids have accidents to not make a big deal about it or else you create more problems for yourself in getting them potty trained, so that's what we had been doing in the past. I should have guessed that there would be some regression in the progress she had made and I should have pushed for her to go use her Dora Big Girl Potty a little more often. I realized this mistake when I heard her having this conversation with herself in the next room
"Oops, I have accident. That's okay, try again next time. I put my poop in potty. Oh dear, I dirty. Oops, I have accident. That's okay, try again next time..."
The nice part is I don't have to say anything anymore. I just clean her up and let her keep talking.

A Visit to the North Country

2008-08-03T19:42:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in the last post, we took a trip up to ND/MN to visit our family and friends. A whirlwind of a trip that included staying overnight at five different places over the course of eight days. It was asking a lot of the girls but they did really well considering and it was worth the build up of exhaustion just to watch all little cousins playing together. The main reason we went up was because all three of my brothers and their families were going to be there and with two families out in NY, this doesn't happen too often. If I learned anything on this trip it's that I am incredibly blessed with amazing friends and family. Like Melanie and Eric, who are going into the Peace Corp for two years this October knowing that there is a great chance they are going to have some major digestive problems but will risk it because their hearts are so big and they just want to show love to those who need it most. Or like Becky and Travis who have two boys (and I mean boys in all its meaning!) ages 3 and 4, and are going to have twins in a couple of weeks. There should be some kind of award for that. These two are wise beyond their years and so humble at the same time. They are two of the coolest people I know and anyone would totally love hanging out with them. And then there is Stacy who, bless her heart, when I asked to look for things at garage sales in Fargo, ND for me so that I won't have to lug a bunch of stuff up there in November, took the list and went running from one sale to the next (I consider her an expert when it comes to garage sales) and completely checked off every item after first lending me the things she already has. This woman is so kind and generous--she has literally given me the socks off her daughter's feet when this ditsy mom here had forgotten to pack them. Nothing is better than friends who inspire you to be better and do better.

That's just friends, I also have a great and sometimes crazy (including you Mom) family but I need to wrap this blog up now because I only have so much time to myself after the girls have gone to bed and I need to soak it up. I'll talk about the family reunion another night. I know you are all anxious to here more so I'll pacify you with some pictures.

Aren't they cute?!

Clare and cousin Kason. He's three months, she's six months. He weighs over 14 lbs, she weighs around 13. We get a kick out of this.

Sage telling her Nana "Shhhh, Anika is shweeping." Apparently Anika must have superhero hearing because she was taking a nap in the cabin.

Admit it, you want to try it too.

Kade and Sarah, the two oldest cousins.

Sad Day

2008-08-02T07:10:00.000-05:00

This was the morning we've been dreading for quite some time now and it was every bit as hard as we thought it would be. Brent left for his training and then eventually his deployment. I'm not going to go into detail about what it was like saying goodbye to him or watching him say goodbye to his daughter's, I need to be strong right now and if I start writing too much I'll lose it! Part of me is glad that it has started the rest of me is just really sad right now. Please keep us in your prayers, we appreciate them so much.

We just got back from a wonderful trip up north visiting friends and family. I have so much to share from that trip and will start sharing it with you tonight. With Brent being gone I'm going to have lots of time in the evening to blog! In the meantime, check out the beautiful pictures my brother, Ehren, and his wife, Ester, took on their website http://ehrenester.wordpress.com/

Dear Sisters

2008-07-18T20:29:00.000-05:00

It is something special for me to have two girls. I grew up with three brothers and for years begged my parents to get another girl until I figured how good I had it in being the only girl. Still, I would watch my two younger cousins, Kelsey and Kenzie, whom I absolutely adore and harbor some jealousy in my heart at the close friendship they shared in which no one in the whole universe would ever be able to enter or even understand outside of that sisterhood. So when I found out we were having another girl I called my aunt Grace and told her "I'm getting my Kelsey and Kenzie!" To be honest, I was also thrilled because the thought of having a boy absolutely terrified me. No offense to those who have boys--it's just that penises scare me.

Today Clare, who is now 5 and a half months, was in her play station thing when Sage, now a little over 2 and a half, started to play pretend with her. The dialogue went something like this: "Clare, I go work now. It's okay, don't cry Clare Bear. Buh-bye!" and then she would walk to the corner of the couch turn around and say "Hi Clare!" and then it would start all over again. There was also a blanket involved that I think was suppose to be a door but Clare wasn't getting that part and kept trying to eat it. While Sage had this constant dialogue going Clare just had this big smile on her face and everytime Sage would get to the couch and turn around or try to put the blanket door back up Clare would belt out this absolutely delighted laugh. No one can make Clare laugh like Sage. Believe me, Brent and I have tried but we've got no game. Anyway, in that moment I witnessed the change of seeing the girls as two seperate people. They are always looked at as my daughters, different ages, a toddler and a baby. In that moment I saw them as sisters and what hope I hold in my heart for the bond that they can have together! I pray that they will always love and cherish each other--oh, I know there will be fights galore--but at the end of the day that they will always have each other to turn to and trust. To have a sister is a gift and girls, if someday you read this, just know that my heart rejoices that God gave you to us. Be sure to keep an eye on Kelsey and Kenzie, theirs is a friendship that I pray you will have with each other.

Welcome Baby Nathan!

2008-07-16T21:06:00.000-05:00

Today a new soul entered this world. Nathan Alexander Snelling. Son of two dear friends of ours, Dustin and Amelia Snelling. Poor Amelia had a roller coaster of a pregnancy including a diagnosis early on of having two uterus' which automatically qualified her as a a high risk pregnancy. This could have been a very premature delivery with this condition but praise the Lord she made it to 38 weeks. Nathan is a healthy 6lb 8oz boy and it is reported that he looks like his Dad. This is their first child and we are just so thrilled for them.

Diamonds, Diamonds, Everywhere Diamonds

2008-07-15T19:35:00.000-05:00

Today was a typical hot, muggy day in Omaha where just about the only way you can survive being outside for longer than five minutes involves drenching your body with water. Sage loves going to the pool but Clare was enjoying her beauty rest so that left us with filling up her $5 plastic pool and throwing whatever bath toys she had that could survive being in the same vicinty as our vaccuum of a dog, Miles.
If I were a wise mom, I would use this playtime to clean the kitchen where I could watch her from the window. However, the sight of this little two and a half year old all by herself, making half-hearted "whee" sounds as she crawled around the pool just looked so lonely to me. So I grabbed my swimsuit, slathered on the sunscreen and went and plopped my hiney down in the foot deep of barely cool water. I wish you could have seen her face. I'm pretty sure she was thinking, "my mom is the coolest!" At least, that's what I'll believe she was thinking. After awhile we started taking our cups and chucking water out onto the lawn. My guilty conscious was eased a little with the thought that at least I can say the lawn got watered today...somewhat. I watched as the water flew into the air and the way the sun reflected off it and in the simplicity of that moment I saw what those drops were. I turned to Sage and said, "Look Sage, we're making diamonds!" Then I showed her my wedding ring and how the water we were throwing in the air looked just like the diamonds in my ring. She totally got it and for the rest of the time we yelled "Diamonds!" as hundreds of those beautiful rocks fell into the grass. My house may be a mess (and I have a feeling that it will generally remain that way for a little while longer) but that is okay because today, Sage and I made diamonds.

The New Me

2008-07-14T20:25:00.000-05:00

Alright, I'm trying this again. My friend, Amy Meeker, has this beautiful blog that she's using as a journal for her family. So, inspired by her, I'm going to attack this whole blog thing again from that perspective--a wonderful gift to give to my daughters someday. Because I am notoriously terrible at keeping up with posts, I will not be sharing this new me with anyone until I have firmly established a routine with it. So let us begin.

Our family is in a strange time right now. In three weeks Brent will leave to begin his training before being deployed to Afghanistan. All total he will be gone for one year. Yep, there's that sickening feeling in my stomach again. One year. Yea, I know we have it really great compared to others. Yesterday Brent told me about a guy who has been deployed for a total of 40-some months so far. Can you imagine? But inspite of knowing the blessing that this will probably be Brent's only deployment and that he will be going to a relatively safe place I am still so sad. He is my best friend and my favorite person in the whole world, how can I even comprehend a year without seeing him face to face or touching him or watching him play with his girls? I can't imagine how Brent must feel at the thought of missing a whole year of Sage and Clare's life. This guy loves his family like you wouldn't believe. I know I will never, ever have to ask him to make more time for me or the girls--he's always there, always ready to play, always ready to help.
I could go on and on about the sadness in this whole situation but who wants to read about that and I really don't care to wade around in those murky waters for too long. I need to stay positive for myself, for Sage and Clare and mostly for Brent. I always say that so much about life is the choices we make including our attitudes. So I'm choosing to look for what God wants to teach me these next twelve months and I will look for the blessings that I know He'll send my way. But please Lord, make the time fly!

It's been awhile

2008-02-20T14:31:00.000-06:00

This post has (once again) taken quite awhile to get up but now that I'm homebound much more with our new baby I will hopefully do a little better job. Here are some recent pics.