Sun Bear

I realize that many of these posts are about things that Sage has done or said and very little with the subject being Clare. This is only because Clare doesn't say much beyond her babbling and the majority of her activities involve finding things to put in her mouth. I'm not one of those moms who goes into great detail about the first time their child eats cereal or what shade of red the diaper rash is today. However, if the cereal had been chucked at me after the first feeding or if the diaper rash had actually turned out to be strawberry jam then maybe I might find it blog worthy. Much more important to me is writing about the things that show, even at this young age, their personality. Someday I want the girls to read these ramblings of mine like little treasures kept to bring them back to a time of complete innocence and happiness and also to remind there was a lot of work put in to give them that happiness so they had better come visit us when we're old and decrepit and can't find our teeth.

That being said, this post is for Clare.

Today I walked into my parent's office where you were sitting with Papa and I use the word "sitting" loosely because the truth is you can't sit still; every fiber of your being needs to express whatever it is you are thinking or feeling. When you looked up and saw me, it was as if I was your long lost mother that you had been searching for for many long years and not just the few minutes I had been gone. You squealed and grinned and bounced and waved arms and kicked feet and almost threw yourself into the air at me. Now, I know that you were not at all miserable with Papa and that you had actually had a lovely time with him but, you little sweetheart, you saved your biggest love for me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to describe what that feels like to me but I will tell you this: I will treasure that picture of your joy for me in my heart for the rest of my life. You are such a sweet, happy little girl and you make it impossible for me to stay sad on these days when I miss your Dad so much. We have nicknamed you Bear because of the Care Bears (Clare Bear, Care Bear...you get the picture) but your Dad and I have said that if you are a bear then you are definitely a Sun Bear. You could make the grumpiest person on earth smile.

I know that someday I will not be such a huge thrill for you. I dread those days but it's okay, I know it's all a part of growing up and becoming your own individual. Just know that whenever you come home after being away for some time, you may find me squealing, grinning, bouncing, waving arms, kicking feet and throwing myself at you. I promise though, that I will not suck on your face.

"I'm a Monkey!"

I finally can start putting pictures back on the blog so of course I'll start with halloween. Sage insisted on being a monkey this year due to her love of Curious George. This year was special because we got to join cousins Kade, Anika and Kason at a community trick-or-treat put on by the Lions Club. She was so excited to go but the minute we stepped into the gym her shy side took over and we spent the entire time there watching people stand in line to play one of the too few games offered. Whoever is putting this thing together needs to sit with some kids for awhile to reassess what fun is exactly for kids because the excitement level of this shindig is floating at a 2...and I'm being nice. We went outside afterwards and made an attempt at taking a group picture of the kids. It was at this point that Clare did some trick-or-treating of her own by taking samples of whatever nature had left for her to grasp. We had many pauses during our photo shoot for me to run and rummage out whatever leaf/stick/acorn she had stuffed in her mouth. After that we headed to great great aunt Judith's who gave both Sage and Clare a quarter. She also tried to pawn off a duck figuring that she had won at a senior citizens event but Sage didn't take her up on the offer. She was planning on not answering the door to any trick-or-treaters except for us and my brother's kids but while we were at her house the doorbell rang. I could tell by her expression that she was a bit flustered and I could hear her muttering under her breath, "I hope there aren't many...I don't have a lot of quarters." She was greeted by SEVEN kids at her door. She came back in and was going to try to think up something to give them (I should have told her to offer the duck) but I'm pretty sure she sent them away empty handed. Oh Judith, you would absolutely love her if you knew her. She's a 90 year old woman with a sharper mind than me. Quite spry as well. When we walked into her living room I sat Clare on the floor and Judith, in one swift move, was sitting on the floor with not a hint as to any ailment she felt on the way down. My one big bummer was that I was so busy chatting with her that I didn't think to get the camera out to take pictures. We'll just have to go visit her again. Maybe I'll bring her a better duck.

After Judith's we headed out to Ehren and Ester's so that they could say they had at least one trick-or-treater (it's a depressing show if you live in the country). Then we headed back to my parents who had had just as sad of a turn out. We are now nibbling frequently on fruit snacks and tootsie rolls...I really like tootsie rolls...

...I went and got a tootsie roll.

Random Conversations

I have a new goal of trying to write down the cute little things that Sage and Clare say and do since I have no grand illusions of being able to recall them when I'm 70 (let alone two days from now). This first installation of hopefully many knee-slapping funny stories, is a conversation I overheard Sage having with her Nana. I actually first wrote it down in an email to Brent. I hope you enjoy it at least a fraction as much as we did.

Nana: "What are you doing Sage?"
Sage: "I'm a ballerina."

Sage twirls around and around.

Sage: "I'm dancing. Whoa!"
Nana: "You're going to be very dizzy."
Sage: "I'm a crazy dancer ever."
Nana: "You are a crazy dancer!"
Sage: "Crazy dance! Crazy dance!"

Now in Nana's bed.
Sage: "Time to go to bedtime."
Nana: "Are you going to bed now?"
Sage: "...very crabby."
Nana: "Who is crabby?"
Sage: "Everyone is crabby."
Nana: "Everyone is crabby? Hey, speak for yourself! Is mommy crabby?"

No answer.

Phase Two

One word for the week I just had--whirlwind. After a wonderfully blessed week with Brent, we brought him to the airport and I was forced to let go of his hand and watch him say goodbye to his girls again. I must admit (and he does too) that this parting was easier than the first...maybe because we know what to expect but also because this phase will be much easier for both of us. He will be finished with his miserable training and doing something with a purpose and I and the girls will be living with my parents (insert sigh of relief here). Having Brent home has only made me love him more and truly I feel like being married to him is a luxury. He flew back to NC and will be flying out to Afghanistan in a couple days so please, please please, keep him in your prayers.

An hour after we got back from the airport, my mom showed up to help move me and the girls up to MN. She had just finished up some job training in Sioux Falls, SD with her co-worker, Gayle, so they drove down to Omaha that night and then we hit the road by 9am the next morning. Bless their hearts for putting up with the extra two and a half hours added to an eight hour drive that riding with kids adds. Seriously could not have made that move without the extra room Mom's van offered for all the stuff I had to pack for this trip.

This morning I was officially welcomed back when the coffee I was sipping awakened me enough to realize it was snowing out. Good grief. Sage told me she wanted to go make a snowman but realized she couldn't when she saw that the snow melted on the ground. I assured her there would be plenty of opportunities to play in the snow in just a short time.

We are adjusting and trying to get back to our nights of little or no waking up (by we I mean Sage and Clare). The girls seem to be happy to be at Nana and Papa's and I'm just thrilled to have their company and of course their help. Between here and the many trips I'll make to Fargo to see Brent's parents, I am confident that all lost sanity from the past three months will be restored and the girls will see the return of a much happier mom and delicious, home cooked meals.
Right Mom?

I have many pictures to post but they were all taken on my new fancy, shmancy camera that Brent gave me and I need my brother, Ehren, to help me with the technical stuff and also I have to post them at his place because this connection my parents have is slower than snails. I seriously read a magazine while waiting to get to this page to write my post. We're talking SLLLOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Together Again

He's home. Thank you Lord, he's home. It may be for just a week but right now I will take any extra minute with Brent that the government gives us. The plan had been that he would fly in last Thursday but they wrapped up training a day early and Brent was able to catch a flight out that day. Of course, he didn't share this change of plan with me so imagine my reaction when on Wednesday night, at around 9pm, I'm sitting on the couch and all of a sudden there is someone pounding on the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. I seriously sat there for a second wondering if I should turn off the lights or what weapon of choice I should take with me if I decided to approach the masked murderer waiting on our deck--a set of wooden blocks to chuck at him or a broom. When I finally got the nerve to see who the stalker was, there was Brent looking through the glass with a big grin on his face. Best surprise of my life so far.


Sage woke up that night which I'm sure he was happy about and when he went into her room with me she just stared quietly at him. We tucked her in but then fifteen minutes later she was crying again so this time I went into her room by myself. Fifteen minutes after I leave her she's crying again so this time Brent goes in there. He told me that the whole time he was in there she just kept saying "Hi Daddy, I missed you." After he left that time she slept through the rest of the night.


All concerns as to what the girls reaction to seeing their Dad after his absence of 2 1/2 months were washed away our first morning together. Even Clare, who was just 6 months when Brent left, was visibly thrilled to see her Daddy. That was the biggest surprise to me since she is very much a mama's girl. After coming home from a date the other evening, I woke her up to nurse her and I had a very hard time keeping her attention because she wanted talk to Daddy the whole time and throw him her best grins. I'm just so thankful that the girls are literally goo-goo over their Dad, it must help his heart a bit to know before he head's off to Afghanistan that he's loved this much.

As for me, I am so, so happy right now and I know this sounds a little funny, but I feel so incredibly relaxed. It's like I've been walking around tense, ready for the cry, the meltdown, the potty accidents, the stuff going into a curious mouth that shouldn't and the possibility of worst case scenarios. There is a thought in the back of my mind reminding me that he is going again but for now, let's not think about that. I just want to soak him up over the next few days and enjoy our family the way it is suppose to be--together.

Dr. Doolittle

There was a movie I related to more than any other when I was growing up: Dr. Doolittle. I'm talking about the one made in 1967 with Rex Harrison. I truly believed that this extraordinary ability to be able to talk to animals and understand them had only been given to Dr. Doolittle and myself.

With no fear I could approach an animal and feel out whether the creature was a shy sort or the more assertive, happy-go-lucky type.

I would know just the right softness to put in my voice to make the wildest of beasts melt at my gentleness.

Every gesture made was in tune to what the animal needed to hear to know that I was a friend, not foe.

Once trust was established, I knew I had made a friend for life...or at least until they were either sent to the butcher or run down on the highway.

My world was surreal and cheery as I lived in harmonious communication with the animals around me (unlike Dr. Doolittle though, I would not extend into the insect realm...on a farm that possibility was way too gross). Yes, just me standing in the gap between the misunderstood hairy beings and the rest of the human population.

That is, until the cow kicked me, the dog bit me and the cat used me as a scratching post. I don't plan on cluing Sage in on the truth, she'll figure it out on her own.

Back from the Golden State

I did it. Chalk one up in the victory box for me. I survived a trip to California, traveling with with the girls by myself. An understatement would be to say that it was a challenging trip but for sure it was so worth it. My friend Amy is living in the same difficult world right now as her husband Mike, who is also a family physician, is deployed to Afghanistan. She has twin three year old girls, Katie and Jessica, and graciously opened up her home to us to come visit and to give her and I a chance to catch up and offer support to each other. It's hard to truly be honest with people when they ask how your doing because this situation so completely and thoroughly rocks your life that your left feeling like very few truly can offer the support you need. So it was in many ways healing to be able to talk to someone who gets it and understands why exactly this is so hard. I asked a lot of Sage and Clare, especially Sage, to fly to CA, adjust to a two hour time change, go do activities while they were tired from lack of sleep and to do this all the while getting to know two friendly three year old girls and their Mom. While I'm writing this it's starting to make sense why there were so many meltdowns from Sage! When she's like that though, it does add to my stress but I don't regret any part of this trip at all because I really feel that she needs to be stretched sometimes to learn how to adapt outside of our little world here.

Overall, I'm so glad I went. Amy is an amazing host and is one of those people with the gift of totally making you feel at home in their house. I loved our late night chats after the girls were in bed and I'm so thankful God put the idea in our hearts to do this now. Speaking for myself, I needed this time to regroup and to really know that I'm not alone in this and I can't thank Amy enough for giving that to me.

Here are some highlights from the trip--unfortunately there aren't many pics and I'm so bummed to not to have a picture of Amy with Katie and Jessica but check out her blog if you want to see more. Warning! Her blog is so entertaining that you WILL become addicted.

http://www.mikeamykatiejessica.blogspot.com/