Beautiful Memories

This was what I came to Minnesota for--to be with my family on the days when being with family matters most. I wasn't sure where my emotions would be running during this time with Brent so far away but I'm happy to say I held my own. Oh, I missed him terribly but at least I didn't weep my way through Christmas and I even was able to allow myself to feel the joy of watching two little girls experience the wonder of this very special day. I'm sure those of you with kids can relate when I say that Christmas is so much more wonderful when you get to share the excitement with your kids.

I'd like to think that Kade and Sage were reenacting Mary and Joseph's long journey to Bethlehem but I'm pretty sure they were just playing "ride the horsey."

This is Anika in her usual place right next to a baby. She is so sweet with babies and just loves to mother them. Poor Clare had a true "no room at the inn" Christmas experience when alas, there was no room for her at the table so she had to be seated on the floor. She didn't mind at all though, as long as we kept food on her tray.

This is my great aunt Judith sittting next to Kade. She's been a part of every holiday we've gathered together as a family for as long as I can remember. Such an intelligent lady with a great sense of humor to boot. We all just love her so much--even the kids love having Auntie Judith come for a visit. This year we had a brunch on Christmas Day and I thought it was so wonderful. In my world you cannot beat quiche, home made breads and pastries and fresh fruit. You can see towards the bottom of the picture a tray of lefse that my parents made. For those of you who are not from these parts, lefse is a Norwegian staple around here around Christmas. It is a potato dough that is made on a special iron and the best lefse maker can roll the dough out until it's so thin you can see through it. Spread butter and sprinkle sugar on it then roll it up and you have a tradition that's been here since the Scandinavians settled this area.

Right before Christmas Brent and I started to get to talk to each other using the webcams on our computers. We had tried this when he first went to Afghanistan but the connection was so horrible we could neither see or hear each other. We were still able to talk every day on the phone but it was hard for him to have any communication with Clare (for obvious reasons of her being a baby) and Sage who refuses to talk to anyone on the phone. Now the connection is so clear and we use it a couple time a day. This has also been really great for the girls to see and hear their Daddy and they get so excited when they talk to him that they literally end up bouncing all over the screen. I like to think that being able to talk to Brent like this was truly a Christmas gift from God. This may be a hard thing for us to go through but He has given us so much to be thankful for.

Update

As of today, Sage has made a proper disposals of bodily matter for the last two weeks. Excuse me for a second...

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously the best Christmas gift the girl has given me.

"Potty Training Brings Mother To Her Knees"

Disclaimer: This post is primarily about poop. Read at your own risk of inducing gag reflex.

I don't really like to write about the progress (and regression) of potty training with Sage mainly because it is my least favorite part of parenting to date and I am hoping that my brain will erase all memory of this trial much like the brain does when a person has been seriously physically or emotionally traumatized. However, the last two days have been a wide range of disgusting moments and jump-in-the-air victories that I can't help but share them.

First off, no. 1 has been going very well with very few accidents in a long while. No. 2, on the other hand, has been a virtual nightmare. To date Sage has only done that duty in the toilet a handful of times, the rest have been...well, there are few other options left so you can figure that one out. Is she afraid of it? No, I don't think so because when she has gone it wasn't that big of a deal to her. Is it a power struggle? Perhaps and if it is then she is winning and I'm clueless as to how to gain control of this situation. Bribes have worked but once the reward has been achieved she has gone back to her old routine of waking up in the morning or after a nap and notifying me that she has pooped in her pants--which really isn't necessary because I can smell it on the other side of the house. Trust me, I have tried everything. My only glimmer of hope has been that most kids seem to figure it out at some point, I'm just hoping I'll be able to send her to school because I'm pretty sure that "daily cleaning of poopy pants" is not on a teacher's job description.

That brings us to a couple of days ago. I knew Sage was up from her nap when I heard her talking in her room so I ran upstairs to get her, hoping that she had not done her thing yet but once I opened the door I could smell that I was too late. She looked at me as if I had just interrupted an important business meeting between her and the dolls and then said to me "Mommy, go out there. Please shut the door." I asked her, "Should we clean you up first?" "No." I obliged, figuring I would like a little more alone time as well. About ten minutes later I heard her open the door and head to my room. She walks in and drops this bombshell "Mommy want to clean the poop on the bed?" WHAT???!!!! I head to her room and right there, smeared across the bed, was my breaking point. Noooooooo. She had dug into her pull-up and then wiped what she had found onto her bed. Then I realize that she is walking around touching who knows what with that same hand. I race back to her and grab the nearest pack of wipes and start tearing one after the other out as I wash her hands, even getting under the finger nails, and then for good measure, wipe down then the rest of her body as well. By the time I'm actually changing her I am losing it as I ramble off something like "We do not touch poop. Poop is not a toy and we don't want to touch it because then our hands will be very, VERY dirty. You need to put your poop in the potty. No more pooping in your pants. No more. Repeat after me: I promise...I won't...poop in my pants." This ranting continued as I brought her downstairs seeing as how the container of wipes I had just used was for the purpose of cleaning her enough to get her from upstairs, down to the bathroom where I threw her in the shower. After hearing me say for the twentieth time "No more pooping in your pants," Sage interrupted me to ask if she could go in my parents hot tub. She's been asking this a lot lately so what does a mother do when she really wants a certain action from her child? That's right, bribery at its finest my friends. I'm not at all ashamed to use it--as long as it's used correctly. I tell her that of course she can go in the hot tub after she has pooped in the potty. Immediately after getting out of the shower she says "I have to go potty" so she sits down and starts pushing until her face resembles a tomato. She looks at me and concludes "It's not working. I have to try Papa's potty." Right, I'm sure that will make all the difference. We grab Clare and head to my parents bathroom which is also the room that holds the hot tub. The pushing resumes and after a bit she is able to push out the tiniest poop ever. Seriously, squint and you'll see it. Great. I have no choice but to make a huge deal out of it and let her get into the hot tub. I was actually pretty happy because I thought maybe I had stumbled upon the one vice that I could use to throw the power into my court. The next day she wakes up clean and I kindly remind her that there is a dip in the water coming her way when she makes a proper deposit. Later that morning she gets it into her head that she really wants to go in the tub so for 30 minutes she runs her naked butt back and forth between the bathrooms to figure out which toilet is going to be the one that works today. Every five minutes she would run to me (I was feeding Clare her cereal) and exclaim "Mommy, I did it! I did it!" and I would go look with her but what she had done was pee so I would tell her good job and keep working on that poop. Finally after making her victory claim for the sixth time I go look again, expecting to see nothing, and there it was...cue the choir...Papa's toilet once again worked like a charm. Oh, there was no faking my joy that time.

No dip in the hot tub yet today but also, no accidents either. My fingers are tightly crossed...in fact, they're starting to hurt from being crossed for so long. I'm hoping that if any of you see Sage in the next few weeks, you will find a water-logged girl with dry, itchy skin from all of her trips into the hot tub. One can always hope.

"Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree..."

It was one of those moments when you ask yourself as a parent "Was leaving the house really worth it today?" In an attempt to create a memorable, Hallmark moment for our children, my sister-in-law, Ester, and I persuaded my parents to drive an hour to the only Christmas tree farm in this area so we could cut down our own trees.

We would give our kids the experience of entering an enchanted world of snow covered pine trees gently sheltering the cozy cabin where they would be welcomed to gather around the fake fire glow and sip hot chocolate in the cancer causing styrofoam cups while filling our tummies on homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Then, only the brave would ready themselves to enter the legendary, spit-turns-to-ice-before-it-hits-the-ground, MN air. Their courage leaves us weak ones in awe.

With Papa leading the way, our fearless hunters set off on the trail to find the trophy Christmas tree. We pray for their safe return.

With much anticipation we waited for what we hoped would be the Christmas tree of all Christmas trees. Our excitement built in us until it bubbled over into singing and dancing with joyous hugs for one another.

Then, in the midst of our gleeful dancing we heard the sound...oh, the wonderful sound...of the snowmobile bringing back a tree cut just for us. This brought another round of happiness for all the children. Happy, happy, happy. Not crabby...just happy, happy...

Oh what's the use, here's what really happened.

We left to go get Ester and the kids over an hour past the time we had planned for which already was pushing back the naps we had planned for the kids to take in the car. After Ester and I had gotten the car seats and Anika and Kade loaded up I ran back to the house to get Kason only to find the door was locked. Poor little guy sat in the house, buckled in his car seat, all by himself for hour while my parents tried to track down Ehren at work to get the keys. So Ester and I sat in the van trying to entertain Sage, Clare and Anika who were all still needing a nap. When we finally got into the house there was Kason, playing with his socks and mellow as always. He had cried, obviously, during that whole wait but in the end I guess we can just chalk that experience up as a good lesson in self-soothing. So now it's 3:30pm, no naps, and yet we decide to still do the one hour drive and cut down three trees before dark. Do we throw in the towel and settle for a store bought tree? Never! The kids do alright on the drive but of course, Sage doesn't fall asleep until right before we get there. I tried my hardest to get her to go with my Dad, Ester and Kade to get the trees but she was not going to have anything to do with that party. So instead she stayed in the cute, warm cabin with my Mom, Anika, Kason and Clare and targeted all of her crabbiness at the nice old man who owned the place as he tried so hard to give her the cookies his wife had made and the hot chocolate that he had made sure was just the right temperature. After the trees were loaded and everyone had gotten their fill of cookies, we headed back home. Now it's 5:30pm which means it's Clare's supper time but since I had not planned that we would be there this late I had nothing for her besides the puffs Ester had brought and we were given a clear signal from Clare that that was not going to be acceptable. Ohhh, she was not happy and let me tell you, the girl may be little but she has a very loud, piercing cry like you wouldn't believe. This began that unavoidable chain reaction of "kid empathy" as Kason and Anika joined the cry fest--often filling in the silence as another would take a breath. We tried to soothe them with food and music but it was hopeless and in silence Ester and I accepted what our fate was to be for the journey home. The classical music that we had left on to accompany the screams somehow seemed to have a soothing affect on us mom's and as I started to replay the day in my head and then picture how pathetic we must look in that van, I couldn't help but start to get the giggles which made Ester laugh which made that whole day so much better. Another bright note was that in all of Sage's crabbiness, she did not join the others (that's my girl, don't give in to peer pressure!) and remained quiet the whole ride except for the few comments she made from the back of the van informing me that Clare was crying. It may have traumatized her a bit though because when we got home she kept saying over and over "Clare's crying and Kason is crying and Anika's crying and Clare's crying and Kason is crying and Anika..."

In the end I'm glad we went and we did get a beautiful tree and definitely a lasting memory of that day.

Backlogged

I have issues. I'm so behind on this blog that and the more behind I get the less time I feel like I have in catching up. Do I necessarily have to blog frequently? Not really, this is, after all, something I'm doing for the sake of documenting memories for my family so a missed week or two won't hurt I suppose (or else I may be using that as an excuse for my chronic procrastination problem). It's just that I missed writing about Thanksgiving and it was such a good Thanksgiving in spite of the fact that Brent wasn't there and for the sake of writing down the good moments when there are so many hard ones during this whole deployment thing, I must not let this last holiday go unmentioned. For those of you reading this who are so over Thanksgiving and already writing on your blogs about having all your Christmas shopping, baking and decorating done...whatever. You have my permission to read this even if your only purpose is to pat yourself on the back for having your life so put together, unlike those of us who are sitting here, reading (or writing) this blog, in our pajamas. If I sound a bit sour, it's only because I have not had my third cup of coffee yet. Sorry about that. I do hope that by finally getting this post up will serve to jump start my drive to write more because I actually do have a lot to share...whether or not you will find it interesting is up for debate.

Okay, on with the Thanksgiving highlights!

Thanksgiving was held at Brent's family's (Dad, Bruce, and Stepmom, Jane) house this year. Jane's son, Steve, and his two kids, Healy and Jace, joined the party for a nice low-keyed but wonderfully delicious meal. Jane is originally from the south so there were some added dishes to the table that you don't normally find up here. For the record, cornbread stuffing is so much better than regular stuffing in my opinion. I did not, however, go for the gizzard gravy.

Every time I see Healy and Jace I'm reminded of how little time it takes for kids to grow up. Those two were so fun to have around and Sage and Clare loved them. The last picture is on this post is of Sage and Jace looking at the Santa village that Grandma had put up for them. He sat with Sage the whole morning talking and looking at the village and you could tell that she loved every minute. Clare took a special liking to Healy and would willingly let her hold her with or without me there and that is a huge accomplishment in my book. Steve, bless his heart, tried so hard to win the girls over but they would have none of it. Little kids usually love him but our girls are not easily convinced.

I love this picture because it's a common sight when you are at Bruce and Jane's--particularly of Bruce. He's washing the dishes. Let me tell you, the man likes to clean. He's got this radar/super sense that can detect the second a dish has been left unattended and in super lightening speed will have it to the sink and washed and cleaned before you have a chance to pick that glass up to finish your drink. :o) I know all you ladies out there are salivating at the thought of having a husband with such skills. If you look at Jane in the picture you can see that she knows how good she has it. In all seriousness, I really have great in-laws and I'm not just saying this because they read this blog too. They gave me such a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend (which I will go into more detail later) and getting to be with them for Thanksgiving somehow made Brent seem not quite so far away.

Here are some of the girls highlights:

Sage discovered that the WonderPet's attempt to save the turkey failed. But Grandpa Buck helped her recover from her sadness by teaching her the proper techniques in using a very sharp knife to carve the dead bird. She in turn helped him by eating as much turkey as she could to help save storage space in the fridge.

Sage also was having a hard time with the reality that she has to share her Grandparents now with Clare. This led to the regression of insisting that she sit in the highchair (particularly when Clare was already in it). She's also wearing Clare's dirty bib. I'm picking my battles people and this is just not one I have the strength to fight right now. However, I will draw a line if she starts demanding only pureed food.

Clare discovered the wonderful world of Barbies...

...and quickly succumbed to the charming Ken. She also got her first tooth while we were there. Sorry Ken, that must have hurt.

The real highlight for me was that almost everyday I got a couple of hours to run out and shop or go to the bookstore or make my daily trip for a Caribou Coffee latte while Bruce and Jane would stay with the girls. Oh, how heavenly that was! Seriously, just thinking about those times out make me want to cry. I'll put it to you this way, once in the mall I realized I was walking at a super speed, totally zooming past the gazillions of people shopping and I knew it wasn't because I was in a hurry, it was because for the first time in I don't know how long, I was in a mall without kid. No stroller, no front pack with baby, no dragging a screaming child who won't get off the floor down the hall! It was the most amazing feeling. I really don't think Bruce and Jane have any idea of how much I loved that weekend and how grateful I am that they cared enough to make sure I had it. So many blessings, so many things to be grateful for.

On that note, I am now ready to move on to Christmas. I am glad to say that I have sent Brent's Christmas present but whether or not it will get there I'm not sure. Apparently the Taliban blew up a bridge south of where Brent is stationed so they are not receiving mail right now. On a positive note though, it looks like Brent will be getting his two week leave around the end of January which means he'll be here for Clare's first birthday. Needless to say, I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

She's Going To Be Fine

As I sat in the ER Sunday night, holding Sage in my arms while a mother's worst fears ran through my mind, I wasn't so sure that I would get to hear those words. I prayed for them over and over all the while telling Sage, "You have to wake up, Mommy needs you to be okay."

With tears of relief and gratitude I'm writing now to let all of you who were praying us through that ordeal that Sage came home to Nana and Papa's yesterday and is back to normal. For all of you who prayed, thank you so much--if I could I would give each one of you a hug right now. Those of you who are reading about this for the first time, it is only because there wasn't time for me to call you. Here is the quick version of what happened.

Sunday I took the girls to Fargo and left them for about four hours at my mother-in-law's house while I took some time off for myself. When I came back at about five, Sage was sleeping on her chair and Bev said she had been sleeping for about 40 minutes. I let her sleep a little longer before I went to wake her up and once I started to get her up it was pretty clear something was wrong. No matter what I did to try to wake her (I even brought her outside in the winter cold to try and jar her awake) the biggest response I could get from her was muffled groan or a drugged cry. We took her to the ER and went through about four hours of blood tests, urine tests, a cat scan and many questions. The first answer they gave us was that she had tested positive for marijuana. Imagine my shock at being told that! Thankfully this was shortly taken out of the equation and we learned that the test they administer is not very specific and what Sage had in her was labeled as marijuana. My mother-in-law has some very strong medication and to respect her privacy I'm not going to go into the details but from what we can guess, Sage swallowed one of them. Bev did remember spilling a bottle the week earlier and she thought she had picked them all up, which, I don't hold against her at all. It was an accident that could have happened anywhere, including our house as well. We will know for sure in a day or two what exactly it was that Sage swallowed when the lab results come back from Mayo.

Once they knew the reason for Sage's behavior, they pumped some charcoal into her stomach and sent her to the pediatric ICU to be observed for the night. I was able to talk to Brent during this which was a great relief and my parents also drove to Fargo that evening and stayed with me through it all. Brent's Dad, Bruce and his wife, Jane, watched Clare for me that night and all day Monday. I stayed with Sage Sunday night and every hour a nurse would come into our room to try and wake her and also to check vitals. They were closely watch her respiration and blood pressure since that is what the drug would have affected but both of these stayed normal. It was truly as if I awoke from a nightmare when at 4:20am I heard Sage say from her bed, "Hi Mommy. Daddy's in the desert."

They kept us there another night because they wanted to do an MRI (that came back fine) and to make sure she was acting like her normal self before they released her.

This has definitely given me a wake up call for myself to educating the girls more about not eating things they find that look like candy and to take more precautions when it comes to removing toxic things from their reach.

I have given a glossed over version of this experience but mainly because I don't want to relive parts of that time and also because the main point is that, praise the Lord, she is going to be fine.

Three Years Old

Dear Sage,

This Tuesday you turned three. Ugh, it feels like I was just accepting the fact that you had turned two! But to be honest Sage, I'm looking forward to three and happy to say goodbye to two because two did not always bring out the best in you or me. Still, it was fun year with many memories that your Dad and I will smile over for years to come.

Your actual birthday was celebrated over a birthday lunch with your cousins, Kade and Anika. It was a gourmet meal with meat and cheese sandwiches, carrots, pomegranate seeds and cookies that you picked out. We will have an official birthday party this weekend with all the grandparents, Uncle Ehren and Aunt Ester and their family and great, great Aunt Judith.

We threw a pre-birthday party for you while your Dad was home in October so that he could feel like he was a part of your big day. I don't think you minded that too much.

I'm pretty sure it meant a lot to your Dad too.

You definitely had a lot thrown at you this year kiddo. First, we made you give up your "only child" title and become a big sister to baby Clare. We didn't know what to expect the first time you met her--you had always went into territorial pitbull mode any time I held a baby before Clare was born. I now have a memory planted in my heart of you taking your first peek at Clare and giving her a little wave while saying "Hello baby Clare!"

Now the pitbull only comes out when someone else tries to hold Clare.

You endured many long road trips like a pro (and thanks to the help of that ingenious invention of a portable dvd player and a curious monkey named George). You even lasted through a trip with me and Clare to California. Mommy will probably not be flying with you all by myself for a while though.

The biggest challenge by far has been having to say goodbye to your Daddy that you adore with all of your heart and try your hardest to understand why he is far away and has to be gone for so long. One thing you will never have to doubt, little one, is that you have a Dad who loves you more than you'll ever know. You are only three but he is completely wrapped around your little finger.

I can't say that all of this change hasn't had an effect on you. There have been moments of...well...confusion and...um, let's call it frustration. Oh, and it has also made potty training my least favorite parenting job by far!

But in the end you have remained true to who you are. A shy girl who can romp in the mud and dig for bugs with her Daddy one minute...

and dance around as a Mommy's barefoot princess the next.

This week, for the first time, you have started giving me real kisses. Before when we would ask for a kiss, you would present your cheek to us so that we could give you a kiss. But the other day you planted a kiss on my cheek out of no where and I was so shocked and thrilled that I squealed and said "Thank you Sage! That makes Mommy feel so special." You got this little grin on your face and your eyes were shining with pride. I hugged you so tight and for so long without any intentions of letting you go until you said "Mommy stop that." We are so proud of you, Sage, and you never cease to amaze (and humor) us. You are our precious daughter and we love you so very much.
Happy Birthday sweetheart.