"Potty Training Brings Mother To Her Knees"

Disclaimer: This post is primarily about poop. Read at your own risk of inducing gag reflex.

I don't really like to write about the progress (and regression) of potty training with Sage mainly because it is my least favorite part of parenting to date and I am hoping that my brain will erase all memory of this trial much like the brain does when a person has been seriously physically or emotionally traumatized. However, the last two days have been a wide range of disgusting moments and jump-in-the-air victories that I can't help but share them.

First off, no. 1 has been going very well with very few accidents in a long while. No. 2, on the other hand, has been a virtual nightmare. To date Sage has only done that duty in the toilet a handful of times, the rest have been...well, there are few other options left so you can figure that one out. Is she afraid of it? No, I don't think so because when she has gone it wasn't that big of a deal to her. Is it a power struggle? Perhaps and if it is then she is winning and I'm clueless as to how to gain control of this situation. Bribes have worked but once the reward has been achieved she has gone back to her old routine of waking up in the morning or after a nap and notifying me that she has pooped in her pants--which really isn't necessary because I can smell it on the other side of the house. Trust me, I have tried everything. My only glimmer of hope has been that most kids seem to figure it out at some point, I'm just hoping I'll be able to send her to school because I'm pretty sure that "daily cleaning of poopy pants" is not on a teacher's job description.

That brings us to a couple of days ago. I knew Sage was up from her nap when I heard her talking in her room so I ran upstairs to get her, hoping that she had not done her thing yet but once I opened the door I could smell that I was too late. She looked at me as if I had just interrupted an important business meeting between her and the dolls and then said to me "Mommy, go out there. Please shut the door." I asked her, "Should we clean you up first?" "No." I obliged, figuring I would like a little more alone time as well. About ten minutes later I heard her open the door and head to my room. She walks in and drops this bombshell "Mommy want to clean the poop on the bed?" WHAT???!!!! I head to her room and right there, smeared across the bed, was my breaking point. Noooooooo. She had dug into her pull-up and then wiped what she had found onto her bed. Then I realize that she is walking around touching who knows what with that same hand. I race back to her and grab the nearest pack of wipes and start tearing one after the other out as I wash her hands, even getting under the finger nails, and then for good measure, wipe down then the rest of her body as well. By the time I'm actually changing her I am losing it as I ramble off something like "We do not touch poop. Poop is not a toy and we don't want to touch it because then our hands will be very, VERY dirty. You need to put your poop in the potty. No more pooping in your pants. No more. Repeat after me: I promise...I won't...poop in my pants." This ranting continued as I brought her downstairs seeing as how the container of wipes I had just used was for the purpose of cleaning her enough to get her from upstairs, down to the bathroom where I threw her in the shower. After hearing me say for the twentieth time "No more pooping in your pants," Sage interrupted me to ask if she could go in my parents hot tub. She's been asking this a lot lately so what does a mother do when she really wants a certain action from her child? That's right, bribery at its finest my friends. I'm not at all ashamed to use it--as long as it's used correctly. I tell her that of course she can go in the hot tub after she has pooped in the potty. Immediately after getting out of the shower she says "I have to go potty" so she sits down and starts pushing until her face resembles a tomato. She looks at me and concludes "It's not working. I have to try Papa's potty." Right, I'm sure that will make all the difference. We grab Clare and head to my parents bathroom which is also the room that holds the hot tub. The pushing resumes and after a bit she is able to push out the tiniest poop ever. Seriously, squint and you'll see it. Great. I have no choice but to make a huge deal out of it and let her get into the hot tub. I was actually pretty happy because I thought maybe I had stumbled upon the one vice that I could use to throw the power into my court. The next day she wakes up clean and I kindly remind her that there is a dip in the water coming her way when she makes a proper deposit. Later that morning she gets it into her head that she really wants to go in the tub so for 30 minutes she runs her naked butt back and forth between the bathrooms to figure out which toilet is going to be the one that works today. Every five minutes she would run to me (I was feeding Clare her cereal) and exclaim "Mommy, I did it! I did it!" and I would go look with her but what she had done was pee so I would tell her good job and keep working on that poop. Finally after making her victory claim for the sixth time I go look again, expecting to see nothing, and there it was...cue the choir...Papa's toilet once again worked like a charm. Oh, there was no faking my joy that time.

No dip in the hot tub yet today but also, no accidents either. My fingers are tightly crossed...in fact, they're starting to hurt from being crossed for so long. I'm hoping that if any of you see Sage in the next few weeks, you will find a water-logged girl with dry, itchy skin from all of her trips into the hot tub. One can always hope.

"Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree..."

It was one of those moments when you ask yourself as a parent "Was leaving the house really worth it today?" In an attempt to create a memorable, Hallmark moment for our children, my sister-in-law, Ester, and I persuaded my parents to drive an hour to the only Christmas tree farm in this area so we could cut down our own trees.

We would give our kids the experience of entering an enchanted world of snow covered pine trees gently sheltering the cozy cabin where they would be welcomed to gather around the fake fire glow and sip hot chocolate in the cancer causing styrofoam cups while filling our tummies on homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Then, only the brave would ready themselves to enter the legendary, spit-turns-to-ice-before-it-hits-the-ground, MN air. Their courage leaves us weak ones in awe.

With Papa leading the way, our fearless hunters set off on the trail to find the trophy Christmas tree. We pray for their safe return.

With much anticipation we waited for what we hoped would be the Christmas tree of all Christmas trees. Our excitement built in us until it bubbled over into singing and dancing with joyous hugs for one another.

Then, in the midst of our gleeful dancing we heard the sound...oh, the wonderful sound...of the snowmobile bringing back a tree cut just for us. This brought another round of happiness for all the children. Happy, happy, happy. Not crabby...just happy, happy...

Oh what's the use, here's what really happened.

We left to go get Ester and the kids over an hour past the time we had planned for which already was pushing back the naps we had planned for the kids to take in the car. After Ester and I had gotten the car seats and Anika and Kade loaded up I ran back to the house to get Kason only to find the door was locked. Poor little guy sat in the house, buckled in his car seat, all by himself for hour while my parents tried to track down Ehren at work to get the keys. So Ester and I sat in the van trying to entertain Sage, Clare and Anika who were all still needing a nap. When we finally got into the house there was Kason, playing with his socks and mellow as always. He had cried, obviously, during that whole wait but in the end I guess we can just chalk that experience up as a good lesson in self-soothing. So now it's 3:30pm, no naps, and yet we decide to still do the one hour drive and cut down three trees before dark. Do we throw in the towel and settle for a store bought tree? Never! The kids do alright on the drive but of course, Sage doesn't fall asleep until right before we get there. I tried my hardest to get her to go with my Dad, Ester and Kade to get the trees but she was not going to have anything to do with that party. So instead she stayed in the cute, warm cabin with my Mom, Anika, Kason and Clare and targeted all of her crabbiness at the nice old man who owned the place as he tried so hard to give her the cookies his wife had made and the hot chocolate that he had made sure was just the right temperature. After the trees were loaded and everyone had gotten their fill of cookies, we headed back home. Now it's 5:30pm which means it's Clare's supper time but since I had not planned that we would be there this late I had nothing for her besides the puffs Ester had brought and we were given a clear signal from Clare that that was not going to be acceptable. Ohhh, she was not happy and let me tell you, the girl may be little but she has a very loud, piercing cry like you wouldn't believe. This began that unavoidable chain reaction of "kid empathy" as Kason and Anika joined the cry fest--often filling in the silence as another would take a breath. We tried to soothe them with food and music but it was hopeless and in silence Ester and I accepted what our fate was to be for the journey home. The classical music that we had left on to accompany the screams somehow seemed to have a soothing affect on us mom's and as I started to replay the day in my head and then picture how pathetic we must look in that van, I couldn't help but start to get the giggles which made Ester laugh which made that whole day so much better. Another bright note was that in all of Sage's crabbiness, she did not join the others (that's my girl, don't give in to peer pressure!) and remained quiet the whole ride except for the few comments she made from the back of the van informing me that Clare was crying. It may have traumatized her a bit though because when we got home she kept saying over and over "Clare's crying and Kason is crying and Anika's crying and Clare's crying and Kason is crying and Anika..."

In the end I'm glad we went and we did get a beautiful tree and definitely a lasting memory of that day.

Backlogged

I have issues. I'm so behind on this blog that and the more behind I get the less time I feel like I have in catching up. Do I necessarily have to blog frequently? Not really, this is, after all, something I'm doing for the sake of documenting memories for my family so a missed week or two won't hurt I suppose (or else I may be using that as an excuse for my chronic procrastination problem). It's just that I missed writing about Thanksgiving and it was such a good Thanksgiving in spite of the fact that Brent wasn't there and for the sake of writing down the good moments when there are so many hard ones during this whole deployment thing, I must not let this last holiday go unmentioned. For those of you reading this who are so over Thanksgiving and already writing on your blogs about having all your Christmas shopping, baking and decorating done...whatever. You have my permission to read this even if your only purpose is to pat yourself on the back for having your life so put together, unlike those of us who are sitting here, reading (or writing) this blog, in our pajamas. If I sound a bit sour, it's only because I have not had my third cup of coffee yet. Sorry about that. I do hope that by finally getting this post up will serve to jump start my drive to write more because I actually do have a lot to share...whether or not you will find it interesting is up for debate.

Okay, on with the Thanksgiving highlights!

Thanksgiving was held at Brent's family's (Dad, Bruce, and Stepmom, Jane) house this year. Jane's son, Steve, and his two kids, Healy and Jace, joined the party for a nice low-keyed but wonderfully delicious meal. Jane is originally from the south so there were some added dishes to the table that you don't normally find up here. For the record, cornbread stuffing is so much better than regular stuffing in my opinion. I did not, however, go for the gizzard gravy.

Every time I see Healy and Jace I'm reminded of how little time it takes for kids to grow up. Those two were so fun to have around and Sage and Clare loved them. The last picture is on this post is of Sage and Jace looking at the Santa village that Grandma had put up for them. He sat with Sage the whole morning talking and looking at the village and you could tell that she loved every minute. Clare took a special liking to Healy and would willingly let her hold her with or without me there and that is a huge accomplishment in my book. Steve, bless his heart, tried so hard to win the girls over but they would have none of it. Little kids usually love him but our girls are not easily convinced.

I love this picture because it's a common sight when you are at Bruce and Jane's--particularly of Bruce. He's washing the dishes. Let me tell you, the man likes to clean. He's got this radar/super sense that can detect the second a dish has been left unattended and in super lightening speed will have it to the sink and washed and cleaned before you have a chance to pick that glass up to finish your drink. :o) I know all you ladies out there are salivating at the thought of having a husband with such skills. If you look at Jane in the picture you can see that she knows how good she has it. In all seriousness, I really have great in-laws and I'm not just saying this because they read this blog too. They gave me such a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend (which I will go into more detail later) and getting to be with them for Thanksgiving somehow made Brent seem not quite so far away.

Here are some of the girls highlights:

Sage discovered that the WonderPet's attempt to save the turkey failed. But Grandpa Buck helped her recover from her sadness by teaching her the proper techniques in using a very sharp knife to carve the dead bird. She in turn helped him by eating as much turkey as she could to help save storage space in the fridge.

Sage also was having a hard time with the reality that she has to share her Grandparents now with Clare. This led to the regression of insisting that she sit in the highchair (particularly when Clare was already in it). She's also wearing Clare's dirty bib. I'm picking my battles people and this is just not one I have the strength to fight right now. However, I will draw a line if she starts demanding only pureed food.

Clare discovered the wonderful world of Barbies...

...and quickly succumbed to the charming Ken. She also got her first tooth while we were there. Sorry Ken, that must have hurt.

The real highlight for me was that almost everyday I got a couple of hours to run out and shop or go to the bookstore or make my daily trip for a Caribou Coffee latte while Bruce and Jane would stay with the girls. Oh, how heavenly that was! Seriously, just thinking about those times out make me want to cry. I'll put it to you this way, once in the mall I realized I was walking at a super speed, totally zooming past the gazillions of people shopping and I knew it wasn't because I was in a hurry, it was because for the first time in I don't know how long, I was in a mall without kid. No stroller, no front pack with baby, no dragging a screaming child who won't get off the floor down the hall! It was the most amazing feeling. I really don't think Bruce and Jane have any idea of how much I loved that weekend and how grateful I am that they cared enough to make sure I had it. So many blessings, so many things to be grateful for.

On that note, I am now ready to move on to Christmas. I am glad to say that I have sent Brent's Christmas present but whether or not it will get there I'm not sure. Apparently the Taliban blew up a bridge south of where Brent is stationed so they are not receiving mail right now. On a positive note though, it looks like Brent will be getting his two week leave around the end of January which means he'll be here for Clare's first birthday. Needless to say, I CAN'T WAIT!!!!