Cuddle time

There is this perfect moment right before Clare's bedtime when she is just tired enough that if you gather her into your lap she snuggle in, sticks a thumb in her mouth while the other hand reaches back to gently pinch an ear. We had such a moment the other night while all four of us were outside playing around. Brent and Sage were off to catch crickets and beetles while Clare and I cuddled on our two person swing. We swayed in the breeze with my arms wrapped around her, feeling her body completely relax in the rocking motion. There is a silent agreement between the two of us that we could stay in this swing forever. I remember having these same moments with Sage when she was that age. It's the feeling of being in as perfect a moment as you can get this side of Heaven. In that moment I try and memorize every detail of my surroundings, the feeling of holding her so tightly, the overwhelming amount of love I have for her right then so that I can remember it for the rest of my life. I want to remember for the inevitable time to come when she is too busy or too big to cuddle with her mother or maybe for those times when she's not quite as endearing :) These moments are at the top of my list as one of my favorite things in being a mom.



As we sat I had this thought: is this what God feels when we completely surrender to him? When we quit running around, distracted and in non-stop motion and take a moment to sit in his lap? When we stop trying to do everything "all by myself" and allow His arms to surround us as we allow ourselves to completely relax in His care? Does He hold us in His arms, relishing in the love He has for us? Then I began to wonder when the last time was that I totally, absolutely chose to sit quietly in His presence and felt His peace be enough and everything to me. I say it and think it all the time that I need to stop worrying or trying to control things that are beyond me and just hand them over to God and trust...sounds good but honestly, I usually don't hand it all over. I hold just enough in my hands to feel like I'm not about to free fall into unknown territory. Instead of letting my body go limp and breathing in the knowledge of His love and care for me, I keep my back straight while I sit with Him, watching for any sudden movement that would compel me to stand up and leave that comfortable spot. I'm thankful for these moments when He shows me a new glimpse of His love and I resounded that night, as Clare and I swayed in contented bliss, to make more time to sit with my Father and let Him hold me for as long as it takes for me to not want to be anywhere else.